Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 28 of 28

Thread: Physical Violence Provocation??

  1. #21
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    3,643
    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    It's rarely so clear cut as one monster and one innocent victim. Most domestic violence happens within groups of people who are stuck in the cycle of violence.
    This does not take responsibility away at all from one who commits assault. It's simply to say, it's usually more complex. The cycle of violence breeds and perpetuates itself in a rich soup of many unhealthy choices.
    Deffinetely not one monster and one innocent victim. Sometimes I think that stereotype is why everyone seems to want to be abused, so they can view themselves as innocent, but like you said itís not that black and white.

    What IS black and white, is once you resort to violence, you have committed a crime that has irreparable consequences.

    Itís a choice.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,070
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Deffinetely not one monster and one innocent victim. Sometimes I think that stereotype is why everyone seems to want to be abused, so they can view themselves as innocent, but like you said itís not that black and white.

    What IS black and white, is once you resort to violence, you have committed a crime that has irreparable consequences.

    Itís a choice.
    I had to read that a few times, but now I understand what you are saying.

    I've seen a fair share of domestic abuse. Not me personally, but witness to it ( and at times it's been part of my job to help document it).
    I've seen a woman beat to a nearly a pulp on the street in broad day, bystanders intervened to help her, and she literally ran after her spouse who was beating her in order to beg them back and then spit in their face. When the cops arrived, she lied .
    I've had a friend throw me under the bus for coming to help her exit a situation ( she had pleaded with me to), and then taking and hiding her partners passport and documents and money, calling him every nasty name in the book, watching him then threaten me, and casting me as a villain in their drama.

    Etc etc. Children often used as pawns.

    I think anyone who has witnessed domestic abuse sees certain patterns.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,207
    Gender
    Female
    Yes, abuse is a very complicated situation. It's sometimes difficult to draw the line when it comes to abuse, because it can be reciprocal. Also, whether it is reciprocal or not, people tend to hide it.

    It's easier to draw the line when abuse becomes physical, because "assault" is a very specific thing. There is often (but not always) evidence of physical abuse, whereas mental abuse is much more difficult to detect.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Age
    53
    Posts
    3,361
    Gender
    Male
    I think DV is very poorly understood generally, and the research complicated by politics and a general unwillingness to deal with uncomfortable truths about our nature and biology. Added to all that is that there is a whole industry that depends on ever increasing government support of shelters and victim support. I think in this thread we are talking about a particular DV that is caused by provocation, and I think the type that is also well represented by women as well. This is where a verbal provocation results in the argument becoming physical.

    I think this is very different than the DV that happens as a means to control and dominate which I would call "mate guarding behavior." Men are much more likely to engage in this type of behavior. As much as we like to believe behavior is stickily learned, there is a lot of research to suggest that there is at least partly a biological component. That means it is heritable is and a reason why that type of behavior might be favored from an evolutionary perspective. Evolution is only about seeing your DNA successfully into the next generation. Guys who don't engage in mate guarding behavior would much more likely be risking their neck or spending resources on DNA not their own.

  5.  

  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,534
    Gender
    Male
    LOL, assaulting women is in your DNA and an evolutionary must for males in general?

    The only correct part of this absurd notion is that yes, the brains of sociopaths are differently wired and that is indicated on PET scans where there is a void in empathy and a delight in violence, torture, etc. It's ridiculous to purport that males need to resort to violence to get and keep mates.
    Originally Posted by lukeb
    I think DV is very poorly understood generally, That means it is heritable is and a reason why that type of behavior might be favored from an evolutionary perspective. Evolution is only about seeing your DNA successfully into the next generation.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Age
    53
    Posts
    3,361
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    LOL, assaulting women is in your DNA and an evolutionary must for males in general?
    I think that is the most extreme part of how to interpret mate guarding behavior, as violence as the on;y means to achieve it, and that is not true. I would say it is the pathological part of it, but it also includes protectiveness, and supporting the family. There are other strategies too, the exact opposite of mate guarding behavior. This could also be advantageous and that is to have someone else look after your DNA and to abandon the family. This way you are not risking your neck or spending resources. The behavior is still being inherited onto your offspring either way.

    Where you say I am correct is not what I was saying at all. Again you are taking the most extremes in behavior and major defects in the brain. I agree to say that violence is the only way to keep a mate would be absurd, but it does happen. I am not sure if you were aware but DV does happen, but it rarely happens in post menopausal women, and there are reasons for that.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Age
    53
    Posts
    3,361
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    LOL, assaulting women is in your DNA and an evolutionary must for males in general?
    What is also not true about this statement is that assaulting women is true for males in general. That is not what I said. I said one type of violence is more or less equal between men and women, and that is when someone loses their temper and it turns violent. Then I said another is a type of mate guarding behavior which is more or less a male phenomena. That is again not the same as saying that this is behavior true of men generally. What I said was where you see that type of behavior is is much more likely to be in men. We are still talking a relatively small number in men generally.

  9. #28
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    20
    My therapist says I tended to ďnegatively engageĒ with my abusive ex. He definitely was abusive but I did push him. I think we were both unhealthy though. DV is a cycle. Itís hard to get out. Iím working on myself but Iím never ignoring the red flags that narcissist wave at the beginning of a relationship again. I grew up in a violent home so him being violent triggered me.

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •