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Thread: Physical Violence Provocation??

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    Physical Violence Provocation??

    I am aware of the widely accepted views regarding domestic violence, that there is never an excuse for physical violence. That the physically aggressive partner is completely to blame for their violent behaviour, and the suggestion that they were ‘provoked’ by verbal/emotional (non-physical) abuse from their spouse, is not even a possibility worth considering. The partner who becomes physically aggressive is always the abusive one and the other partner is always the innocent victim? Surely there are exceptions to this? As much as we constantly receive messages that DV is never the result of ‘provocation’, I find it a bit hard to believe. Every single case of physical partner violence that has ever occured anywhere has not been the result of verbal/emotional provocation from a partner?? What do other people think about this?

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    People can make the choice to walk away from provocation.

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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    People can make the choice to walk away from provocation.
    I agree. Walk away. Never an excuse to be violent.

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    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    As one of my favorite comedians puts it: "Let's not pretend every ass beating just falls out of the sky."

    Make no mistake, someone's decision to physically escalate is their decision and their fault alone. Does that mean I think people should get a pass for being an absolute d1ck and putting someone in a position to remove themselves-- potentially from their own home-- or suffer psychological duress from their partner? Absolutely not. It just means they're both responsible for their own involvements without necessarily arguing a causal effect. I've witnessed a woman telling a guy something to the effect of "this is why your [then dead] father never loved you." As much as I might think that anyone, man or woman, who says something like that deserves a solid smack, you just don't do it. Unless someone's blocked off your mode of egress, I do believe it's your responsibility to maintain the high ground and leave such a person to shoulder their emotional abuse.

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    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    OP, is this about your own out of control anger issues, insecurity and control issues? You cannot blame anyone else when you lose control and and have major anger issues. That's something you have to deal with and get sorted out. Have you ever sort professional counselling/therapy to help you overcome all of these issues?

    (I am assuming this thread is about your own story. If not, please give us more information on what exactly this is about).

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    I infer you are talking about males hitting females here, not rarer situations - such as an abused woman belting the guy over the head with a saucepan to knock him out, in a justifiable act of self defence?

    Lots of (very high percentage, I'd say) couples have their disagreements and arguments, yelling matches, etc. Some people need to vent because bottling things up is a worse thing for them.

    Most of the men in these relationships do not beat up their women. They have self control, maybe some understanding too. Maybe they let it go, and don't even yell back, because they love them a bit.

    There is plenty of sociological research that suggests that wife beaters are exhibiting learned behavior - learned from their own violent fathers, in a self perpetuating cycle of misery.

    There is never an excuse for that type of physical violence. Provocation (by a heated disagreement) is not even a possibility worth considering.

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    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    No, there is never an excuse. Never.

    There is always a way to walk away or have self control before it becomes physical. It does not matter how much provoking there is, you walk away.

    No one ever has a right to lay hands on someone else nor is there ever a justification for it. End of.

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    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    who says something like that deserves a solid smack, you just don't do it.
    Agree. Some people can push your buttons and might deserve it. But it does not make it okay or right to give in and let it progress to physical violence.

    You walk away, get away from that person and stay away if it's getting that bad.

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    Well, you can make a case for two people both exhibiting mutually destruction behavior. For example, if both witnessed abuse or were abused by their parents, or if both partners are controlling and manipulative and have anger issues. There are stories of Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall both going at each other, smashing plates, vases and lamps as they went at each other, yet friends reported they were deeply in love. Some people love the drama. It gets the heart thumping and the blood rushing. And then there's the make-up sex afterwards. But here I'm talking about two famous celebrities that people made allowances for. I would say it was an extremely toxic relationship and most of us can't afford that either emotionally or financially. I do think any kind of physical violence crosses the line.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you in a physically violent or emotionally abusive relationship? Did you hit or slap someone because you were "provoked"? Unfortunately your rationalizing is not how the law sees it.

    It's not about "widely accepted views" or "messages" or opinions. Whoever draws blood or leaves marks is the one going to jail. Assault is a crime regardless of what anyone did verbally/mentally. And that is not a "view".

    It doesn't matter what people "think". And it doesn't matter what you "believe". Assault laws are black and white, not opinion polls.
    Originally Posted by Centain1988
    I am aware of the widely accepted views. As much as we constantly receive messages that DV is never the result of ‘provocation’, I find it a bit hard to believe. ?

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