Am I selfish...

My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years now. There is a HUGE age difference between us; him being older and I’m younger (I’m 28). He has kids from previous relationship/s which I was aware of, but never let it bother me because he said they would always live with their mom/s and he would visit them or pick them up and do things with them. Recently 1 of his kids has came to live with us due to personal issues with her mom not being able to take care of her. She is 13, in a couple of weeks 2 of his other kids will be coming to live with us due to their mom not being able to take care of them either.. I do not have kids, had always been undecided because I was/ am not willing to devote all of my time to a kid right now. Anyways, I thought i would be ok with his kids coming to live with us, because I thought ok cool it would be like I’m a parent but I’m not really their parent so I don’t have to do all of the things a parent has to do. Well, obviously I thought wrong. He works a lot and I work part time. Like stated, i don’t have kids for the simple fact that I still like to go out and do things from time to time; such as hang out with my friends and go have drinks on a random weekday night.. well since his kid has been here it’s like he expects me to babysit her, make sure she eats and that I cook dinner etc. when I was 13 I would stay home by myself more than enough times, and I was also already cooking my own food. It pisses me off when he says “well you wanted a kid at one point”, which yes I did but I still remain with no kids. She is not my kid and I am not a live in baby sitter. It is one thing if we were married, which we recently discussed and he said he did not want to get married again (he’s been married twice). If I was to voice my opinion by saying “she is not my kid” he would easily kick me to the curb.. am I selfish? Am I not being reasonable? He has always worked a lot and it makes me wonder, if he was not dating anyone and all of these kids came to live with him what would he do then???

Move out. Don't be anyone's unpaid live-in nanny. He's using you and just stated that he doesn't want to marry. If you want any sort of life, move out find a guy in your own life stage if you want to get married and have Your Own family.

Teenagers make $15-$20/hr. for babysitting services. At this point you are just a free baby sitter and he laughs in your face about it.

It pisses me off when he says “well you wanted a kid at one point”, which yes I did but I still remain with no kids. he said he did not want to get married again (he’s been married twice).

If you don't want kids -- don't move in or have a relationship with a guy who has kids...unless they are grown and out of the house - and even then, they sometimes come back after they finish school or have a transition. But if you don't want to raise kids, make sure the kids are 25 years or older. First and foremost, he is their father and is not going to refuse his children. Also, why would you move in with a man who never wants to marry again -- oh right, because he doesn't want to marry -- that's as much as he is going to offer. If you WERE to marry you would be their stepmother -- surely you had thought of that?

You're not selfish if you don't want a kid or to babysit another man's children... you're just with the wrong man.

Yup move out. You are being taken advantage of by this man. Of course you dont want to be their babysitter. At 26 you should not be playing the part of a step mother to a 13 yr old.

Find a guy your own age who doesnt have kids and do all the things people your age like to do! How old is this guy? He's getting the benefit of a sweet young thing as well as a part time step mom for his kids. This is doomed to fail.

No. . .It doesn't make you selfish. .Naive maybe.

You went into this with the understanding that the kids would stay with their mom. But anyone who's been divorced with kids know that things change. . and can change often. He should have never made a promise such as this and you should have anticipated any possible scenario.

What's done is done.

Now you have to make a decision.

As difficult as it may be, I'd move out. Mind you, I've been married, divorced and raised two kids.

I know how difficult it is and if you aren't committed to step parenting, or babysitting in your case, it would be best for everyone concerned if you were admit to yourself now that this isn't something you can do.

No shame in that. Not everyone is cut out for it. No sense staying in something that makes you miserable. Everyone suffers.

He's using you and you're wasting your time.dont you want to meet someone your own age and share some firsts together

?

Am I selfish...

No, you're 26. But you'll never get back any wasted time to live over again.

Choose wisely.

You got involved with a man who has children. You got involved with a man who has younger children who require more care and supervision...and you considered them little annoyances that disrupted your life once in awhile. Frankly, a guy who is barely involved with his children is not a man worth knowing, but whatever floats your boat. You had to know that as a live-in girlfriend or wife, you would be taking on the role of stepmother, and with that role, there are responsibilities. You feel like a "free babysitter." No, you are the stepmother. This is what happens when you have children. This is what parents do. Okay, so you didn't sign up for this...well, you actually did. Suddenly this guy is stepping up to the plate...sort of. He's left the kids with mom while he goes about his business and tosses in some visits here and there. Mom has been stretched to the brink, and now he's taking them in...leaving you to pick up the slack. You work part time...you have the time. He produced these babies and has no time for them...do the math.

When you get involved with someone, you inherit their family. Even adult children can become an issue, as they sometimes need money or a place to live, or the grandbabies pop into the picture and you help out with them or take them on trips or take them on for some weekends or help out with daycare or free babysitting for date night for the parents...involvement. You deal with aging parents as well. You signed up for this. You walked into this thinking these human beings that he produced would be some background noise...they are not. He has a responsibility, and one that he is not very good at other than providing the basics as he pushes the biggest and hardest responsibilities on you or their mother.

Accept your role as stepmother or walk out of this relationship. These are some great kids who are left with their lives disrupted, and they still require a great deal of care. Good luck with the junior high female...they can be a doozy...and she needs support and stability. If this is not something you want, it's time to make a choice or put the cards on the table that he needs to father his children and be available. You work part time and enjoy the benefits of a nice home, nice income, and lots of free time...move on if these extra burdens aren't working for you. Do not date anyone with school-age children in the future...adult children can be an issue as well, and aging parents are another, and grandchildren yet another. When you date the guy, you're dating these "issues." Are you up for the task or no?

I am in the middle on this. Mostly I think he is taking advantage of your free time -you are not his wife, you are not their stepmother, etc. And you're not the right person to be around this teenager. You obviously resent her and spending the time, you don't want to be supportive of her, you wanted all the "fun" of playing house but none of the responsibilities. Yes, even a stepmother is not supposed to discipline unless the child is being rude to her personally -the parents decide on the rules and boundaries unless the parent wants you to take on a different role.

I would say tell him to hire a sitter but I think there's more of a problem here -you don't want to be involved in his kids' lives. He is a father. He's finally taking more of a role in one of his children's lives. I'd hate to see your complaints impeding that in any way especially since you're not his wife. I'd move on. And it's too confusing for his teenager to be living with her father's girlfriend especially since you just tolerate her.