How to get over someone who clearly dislikes you for no apparent reason

So, I´ve been in love with this guy for the past 2 years, and lots of things have happened, most of the time it was me going after him with almost no return, but as time went on, I realized he only played hard to get because it was fun for him to have him chase him.

I´ve made previous threads about this guy, he´s a dj, kind of famous and didn't have a lot of girls after him. To be honest, for an entire year I was the only " crazy" girl after him. There were lots of times he would just ignore me at a party, other times he would come after me when I was the one ignoring him. About a month ago we got into a fight, we apologized to each other a week later the incident and slept together. I felt horrible because he would say a bunch of things to me like: I don't like to be seen leaving a party with anyone and would keep saying he sleeps with other girls too as if I wanted to know that. Long story short, this guy has made my year insane because every time I would leave, he would come back and make it so hard to let him go, but now that he's got other girls after him, it's like I never existed.

I am so hurt for dedicating so much effort and time into this and he was ZERO consideration for me. I know it's not worth it, I know this guy's not for me, I know all of this, what I just don't get is why he has this hate for me whilst other girls he treats nicely. Answering comments on his pictures and is overall nice to them in public. This weekend we went to a party and he completely ignored me in front of all my friends, like I didn't even exist. I mean seriously... We´ve hooked up a lot of times, had a history and he doesn´t even look me in the face. It's like he takes pleasure in treating me like this exclusively because he knows I have been in love with him for a long time.

I have done nothing but be amazing to this guy to get this treatment, I don't expect anything but the least of respect which is saying hi to me in public. I felt humiliated be treated like this in front of a lot of my friends. I know I'm not the problem, but I'm the one holding this grudge, I'm the one that's angry, I'm the one who can't let this situation go.

I am no longer in love with him, my admiration for him is gone, all that is left is bad feelings, like anger, resentment and regret and I can't let this go. All toxic feelings. I feel like sending him a message askind what the hell is his problem with me but he´s so egocentric that I know this will only feed his ego even more. This feeling is really annoying him, because I just want to let this go so bad but I can't get over the fact that ironically I was the only girl that did everything to be with him is the one that he treats the worst... I don't get it, why would someone act like this towards someone that only wished them the best?

I don't bother him not wanting to be with me, or not caring about me as much as I cared about him, but I can't swallow him treating EVERYONE nicely and being a complete jerk to me, just for the heck of it. I just wanted an answer, an explanation and also tell him how I feel about this because I want to let him go for good.

He treats you like this because he does not respect you. You did not show yourself any respect, either.

We warned you, again and again, to stay away from him, but you continued. You have no one to blame but yourself. Stop allowing yourself to be treated like this. You're not a victim.

Move on from this. Get professional help. You have wasted two years of your life. Having to chase someone is not healthy. Address why you felt the need to do this.

He treats you like this because he does not respect you. You did not show yourself any respect, either.

 

We warned you, again and again, to stay away from him, but you continued. You have no one to blame but yourself.

 

Move on from this. Get professional help. You have wasted two years of your life. Having to chase someone is not healthy. Address why you felt the need to do this.

I did try to get away from him, trust me, but it was so hard because I had feelings for him. However these past two months my feelings have changed. But I have never done anything bad to him. I know I chased him, but I just can't understand why one would be so mean to someone who only had good feelings towards them. I could never do this to someone.

No. You didn't. He treated you like sh*t and you kept on chasing and giving yourself to him.

The first time he was disrespectful, you should have pulled out, not continued with the pursuit. This is not about him, but you. Take yourself out of the victim mode and deal with your issues.

This should have been done, two yeats ago. Yet, here you are upset because he will not acknowledge you. Who cares! Move on!

I am very strong in my words, as you won't let go of this.

Are you seeking therapy?

I am going to be very blunt here....

The answer is simple... he lost respect for you when you kept chasing him and throwing yourself at him... despite him showing you that for 2 years he wasn't interested in having you as a girlfriend.

It's not that he hates you... my guess is that he probably doesn't like himself very much for the way he is treating you. He treated you disrespectfully by ignoring you in public, by making you chase him, by flirting with other girls in front of you, and by keeping you on the hook despite the fact that at the end of the day he didn't feel the same way about you that you felt about him.

That all being said... you were the one that accepted that treatment in order to be with him. Even though you fought about it, you chose to stay instead of walk away, which means you are implicitly telling him it's okay to treat you like a doormat.

This is not the behavior of a high value woman... and guys don't respect or want to marry women that don't value themselves.

I did try to get away from him, trust me, but it was so hard because I had feelings for him. However these past two months my feelings have changed. But I have never done anything bad to him. I know I chased him, but I just can't understand why one would be so mean to someone who only had good feelings towards them. I could never do this to someone.

When you force YOUR agenda onto someone else after they've already expressed to you that they aren't interested, that's not nice. Trying to force a relationship, doing nice things expecting a return on your investment isn't nice at all - it's self centered and manipulative. You really need to rethink how you act and how you treat people.

I am very strong in my words, as you won't let go of this.

 

Are you seeking therapy?

I was, but I stopped as I got really busy with my job + studying. I know I need to because even I don't understand why this bothers me so much. If I had one wish would be to have him be indifferent in my life. I am so thankful for so many things but this is exhausting. Unfortunally his attituted towards me still hurt me. It's not indifference because he does this on purpose. I just don't get why. I know I did lot of things that was direspectful to my own self, but it still doens't wrap around my head why a 41 year old man who has a daughter my age acts like this haha. It's almost funny.

I'm trying to go out with other people, I talk to other guys, and even have feelings for someone else, something I haven't felt in the longest time which made me so happy. All I want is just to let go of this horrible anger feeling towards him, I don't want to have to talk to him to get over this.

It doesn't matter. Let this go!

You are in no position to date. Get back into therapy.

Talk to him? He does not care.

Yes I am aware that I accepted his horrible behavior towards me only to have some hours with him. I have honestly never felt this way towards anyone. I was completely blind for him for almost two years and only now I can see things as it is. And I'm in this hurtful process of accepting all this. And it hurts, a lot, to tell yourself you failed in acting like this, that you went over yourself for someone else, to realize you did everything wrong in these past two years, and wishing you could go back and change it. But I can't, I learned a lot from this, all I want is to let go of having him do this to me on purpose. I have never had an ex of mine or a past hook up ignore me and treat me like this. Everyone I have been with has been respectful towards me despite whatever we went through. Suprises me to have a grown man do this.

It doesn't matter. Let this go!

 

You are in no position to date. Get back into therapy.

 

Talk to him? He does not care.

It's hard. I wanted answers but I know I'll never have. Hard to have lost so much time on someone who can't even consider what you did to them.

I agree totally with Holly.

Sure, this guy's a jerk - but you've done a very effective job of putting yourself in situations where you're going to be used, hurt and humiliated. You can't do anything to make him change his behaviour or be a different person, but you have total control over your own behaviour. Blaming him because you presented yourself as someone to be used, and then he used you (just like you'd invited him to!) will only leave you with the bad feelings you describe.

So - where do you go from here? Wanting this:

an answer, an explanation and also tell him how I feel about this because I want to let him go for good.

What WILL help you let go of him for good is actually looking at your own part in this. Continually telling yourself what a bad person he is - i.e. keeping the focus on him - is a way of avoiding looking at yourself, but self-examination is exactly what you need to do now. He didn't make your year insane, you chose to keep involved with him, and it was your choice that made your year insane. Someone with any self respect would have given him the boot years ago, and had nothing to do with him after the first time. It was your choice to stay involved. Stop telling yourself you were 'amazing' to him (whilst secretly thinking that now he owes you something, like respect!) and look at how self-defeating your actions were. Let yourself feel the humiliation, but instead of blaming him for it, let yourself feel it in all its pain and rawness - and PROMISE yourself you will never put yourself in that situation again, ever.

Again, you can start to move on by acknowledging how counter-productive sending him a message or having anything further to do with him would be. Just to start with, let yourself feel how empowering keeping your dignity actually is, and hold onto that feeling. Keep practising. THAT'S how you move on.

Good luck!

Yes I am aware that I accepted his horrible behavior towards me only to have some hours with him. I have honestly never felt this way towards anyone. I was completely blind for him for almost two years and only now I can see things as it is. And I'm in this hurtful process of accepting all this. And it hurts, a lot, to tell yourself you failed in acting like this, that you went over yourself for someone else, to realize you did everything wrong in these past two years, and wishing you could go back and change it. But I can't, I learned a lot from this, all I want is to let go of having him do this to me on purpose. I have never had an ex of mine or a past hook up ignore me and treat me like this. Everyone I have been with has been respectful towards me despite whatever we went through. Suprises me to have a grown man do this.

That is not true. You knew there were problems, as you made many threads about him. Own this.

You need to focus on you. It is your responsibility that you kept chasing someone that was treating you with no respect.

 

Again, you can start to move on by acknowledging how counter-productive sending him a message or having anything further to do with him would be. Just to start with, let yourself feel how empowering keeping your dignity actually is, and hold onto that feeling. Keep practising. THAT'S how you move on.

 

Good luck!

You are right. My self esteem was serisouly hurt in all of this. It hurts to see him flirt with other girls in front of you, hurts to feel like you are not enough, but I did this to myself. It just hurts to mean nothing to someone who was everything to you, but if I've learnt anything in this process is to never but someone above me. I had the prettiest feelings towards him, sad to see I wasted them on someone who could never see me for who I was.

That is not true. You knew there were problems, as you made many threads about him. Own this.

 

You need to focus on you. It is your responsibility that you kept chasing someone that was treating you with no respect.

Yes, that's true. I hope these negative feelings go away. I regret it so much that I let it get to this point.

Yes I am aware that I accepted his horrible behavior towards me only to have some hours with him. I have honestly never felt this way towards anyone. I was completely blind for him for almost two years and only now I can see things as it is. And I'm in this hurtful process of accepting all this. And it hurts, a lot, to tell yourself you failed in acting like this, that you went over yourself for someone else, to realize you did everything wrong in these past two years, and wishing you could go back and change it. But I can't, I learned a lot from this, all I want is to let go of having him do this to me on purpose. I have never had an ex of mine or a past hook up ignore me and treat me like this. Everyone I have been with has been respectful towards me despite whatever we went through. Suprises me to have a grown man do this.

He is not an ex. He was a sex buddy. That is it.

You have not learned, as you still want this idiot to validate you. Stop this.

You are a grown woman, and should have been done two years back.

It's hard. I wanted answers but I know I'll never have. Hard to have lost so much time on someone who can't even consider what you did to them.

You did this to yourself. He showed you with his actions that he did not care. Take yourself out of victim mode, or you will never move on. You are responsible for this pain.

You did this to yourself. He showed you with his actions that he did not care. Take yourself out of victim mode, or you will never move on. You are responsible for this pain.

I know I am, but I get this anxiety thinking if I had done things differently, maybe things would be different now. All I do is blame myself for this. Every time I tried to leave, he would come after me, now that he's got other girls after him, I am no longer useful. Hurts to feel this way. I think only time going by will heal this.

You did this to yourself. He showed you with his actions that he did not care. Take yourself out of victim mode, or you will never move on. You are responsible for this pain.

The good part about taking responsibility for your own actions and feelings, and really acknowledging that you chose to put yourself in this position, is that now you can choose to do things differently. You don't need to put yourself through this again.

Get therapy! Please !

sad to see I wasted them on someone who could never see me for who I was.

Stop pitying yourself. Start practising self-love. Then you'll have no problems giving guys like this a VERY wide berth!

The other users are spot on. Only when you take responsibility for your actions, do things start to change. You made the choice of chasing him and trying to make him like you. Even if you had strong feelings for him, you can always choose to control your actions. Yes, he's a jerk, but until you address why you kept pursuing him (beyond the "but I loved him and my feelings made me do this") knowing full well that he didn't respect you nor saw you as a possible girlfriend, you'll keep repeating this pattern and wasting more time in your life with people who are not worth it.

Dig deep and try to think why the approval of this jerk was so important to you. You'll see that it's more about you than about him.

Yes, you are all right.. thank you for the advices.

I do realize now that I'm the one that has to make the changes. There are times I feel completely happy this is over, that me and him are over.. other times it hurts like hell to remember what it was like in the beginning and how all of this was just fun to me. I would've never imagined this would hurt me like it did. But I've also learned a huge lesson from all of this. Pushes me to be a better person and love myself more.

You acted like a groupie plain and simple.

I hope you make good on the loving yourself part. It takes time and practice.