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Thread: I know Iím being crazy. Talk me through.

  1. #1

    I know Iím being crazy. Talk me through.

    My boyfriend of 11 years and I just split up. This is actually the second split. We spent 2 years apart in 2014, decided to try again, and it just didnít work.
    We have 2 kids together, 4 and 8. We arenít leaving the relationship with any bad blood. We get along well as parents and even as friends, but we just realized that we become different people when in a relationship, and not for the better. Neither of us was happy, and we mutually decided to end it. We donít want our children getting older thinking that staying together for the kids is healthy, and certainly donít want them ever feeling that they should do that in their adult lives.
    We still help each other, are very lenient and flexible when it comes to the kids, parenting schedules, we are planning to attend school functions and even some holidays as a family.
    However, Iím finding myself torn. I worry about ridiculous things. Will the kids favor him because he has more money? Will the kids want to be with him more because he has a bigger house and they donít have to share a room there? Ridiculous. I know. But it doesnít stop my emotions from getting the best of me at times.
    Iím also torn on the fact of, why can we get along so well when weíre not together, I mean to the point where we can hang out, joke and laugh together, text about our day even, but in a relationship all that just falls apart. It doesnít make sense, but itís what is, and weíve proved it over and over again.
    Someone just talk some sense back into me please.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That's a long time. 😟 What was the first split for 2 years about? Is this split about those same issues? Excellent you can continue co-parenting without animosity.

    Don't worry, your kids will love you as much as their dad. Make sure you don' start a "who's the best parent" competition that many ex partners engage in, only confusing kids and them unwittingly becoming pawns in this competition.
    Originally Posted by Mindless18
    My boyfriend of 11 years and I just split up. This is actually the second split. We spent 2 years apart in 2014, decided to try again, and it just didnít work. Neither of us was happy, and we mutually decided to end it.

  3. #3
    We split 2 years ago after he cheated, and left me for the woman he cheated with.
    They proceeded to have a lengthy relationship and even an engagement during the time we were apart.
    A large portion of current issues are due to still being a little uncomfortable with past events, and also personal emotions. He said heís just not happy and doesnít know if he ever will be.

  4. #4
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    You two made the right decision for all.

    I'm amazed that you went back after the way he treated you.

    Your kids love you, and they will feel the same about you both- focus on the present, not things that will not happen. Stop worrying and focus on the transition. Your kids need your support through this massive change.

    Have you sought an attorney?

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  6. #5
    I donít feel the need for an attorney. We share custody exactly 50/50. He helps financially whenever I need him too and pays for anything the kids need. We do have a custody order in place.
    Heís honestly a great dad and great partner, in all ways aside from a relationship. This isnít a bitter break up.
    This is me being self conscious and feeling that I can never do enough for my children.
    He has really changed, and in the last 2 years weíve been together, he has proved that.
    However, the change came too late, and Iím too scarred by the past.
    But I feel no need to consult legal help.
    He really is a great guy, I just wish he changed before we went through so much.
    We were too young.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    There should also be court ordered child support so You can get them things they want and need and be "the good guy". This ad hoc thing is on his terms and that's where your insecurity lies. It's also nonsense for the kids. You don't need lawyers for that either.
    Originally Posted by Mindless18
    He helps financially whenever I need him too and pays for anything the kids need. We do have a custody order in place.

  8. #7
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    Well, the reason he can act civil with you is that the pressure is off of him. He can sleep with whomever he wants to and he doesn't have to sneak around or worry about you finding out. As for who the kids will like better, you can have two kids see and experience the same things, and one will take one parent's side, and the other will take the other parent's side. All you can do is do the best you can and hope your kids will see the truth.

  9. #8
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    You should have court-ordered support. Really unwise for him to help "financially whenever I need him too and pays for anything the kids need." Not smart.

    Things do not need to be bitter, to be responsible.

  10. #9
    We have exactly 50/50 custody. We each see the kids 3 1/2 days a week. Why would I make him pay me support when he already provides what they need while with him, and I provide what that need while with me?
    I said he makes more, I did not say I donít make enough. He may be able to buy them a boat, and a 4 wheeler, however I make enough myself to live comfortably. Him helping finincially is him paying for half he school pictures, half the school clothes, half the medical bills.
    This post was not about support or asking for legal advice.
    I literally just felt insecure in the fact I canít provide a vacation to Disney for them, but dad probably can. I know Iím being silly, just came here for a little emotional support.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    You should still protect yourself with court ordered child support. Itís protecting yourself and the kids.

    Just make sure to bond with them and have experiences. Experiences donít need to be about money.

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