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Thread: Broke no contact with transgender boyfriend

  1. #1
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    Broke no contact with transgender boyfriend

    I had a boyfriend who revealed to me he is transgender and really felt like they were a woman. I accepted it and was totally supportive. They broke up with me and I dont understand why. We were together for a month and although it seems like an short amount of time things with this person were different. It really felt like this could be the one for me.

    They are not ready to come out and they told me they couldnt be with me because I "know".I told them I would be with them whether they want to continue hiding or whether they want to transition. We are not speaking at this moment mainly because that's what they want. I tried to reach outto them so much but now I have stopped because now I feel like I am acting desperate.

    Now I have gone into no contact but I just broke it twice in just one week. Both times I was drunk. Have I totally ruined my chances?

    I dont understand why they broke up with me. I thought it would relieve them to know that I know but they told me they cant be with me because I know and they are trying to live a lie and if I'm around I will be a constant reminder of that lie. I really care about him/her..whatever they want me to call him. I just want them and the person inside.

    I looked for help online but the only advice I found was for transgenders that got rejected by their partners after their revelation.I am not sure if you have any insight or if you can direct me to somewhere that can help? What can I do to save this? I'm so lost. Have I ruined everything? I feel like no contact is especially hard for me this time because they told me they were meant to live the rest of the their life as a lie and die unhappy and they were not meant for a relationship. Gow can I leave someone alone that really feels that way? When I still want them so bad?

    Also, I apologize in advance if I said something wrong. This is all very new to me and I love my partner.

    Thank you

  2. #2

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    Personally I think them saying that they can't be with you because you "know", isn't entirely true. The fact that you accepted them for them should make them feel happy and feel valid. Although this is probably one of the hardest things they've ever had to do. You could call and if they dont answer leave a voicemail, or send flowers, write a letter saying that you love them for whoever they so choose to be. they are valid and they are loved and you are always always there for them. This is the hardest time of their lives right now and although they are trying to push you away, just give them a little space to think things over. They might actually come to conclusion of how amazing you are for accepting them. Send them a little gift or a written letter sent to their house. I really admire your kind words about not saying he or she in respect to them. Good luck to both of you and I will say a prayer xoxo

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    Thanks so much for your kind words. I do want to reach out but sometimes they do not respond and I dont want to be harassing them when they asked for space. I've already violated that by reaching out so much. I do agree that they probably need space. I feel like I have done all that I can and clearly showed that I still want them in my life and maybe the only thing i can do is see if they will change their mind and if they dont I will need go accept that.

    It's so hard because they told me that they are still attracted to me and want me but they just cant be with me romantically. Probably the intimacy part bothers them because they hate their body. I, of course, do not hate their body. I'm a straight female. Even if they transitioned to woman, I would still want to be with them and be attracted even if I'm not a lesbian because I fell for the person inside.

    Thank you for the prayers xo

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you dodged a bullet. Do not date deceptive people.
    Originally Posted by Phoenixrises
    We were together for a month
    They are not ready to come out and they told me they couldnt be with me because I "know".

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    I know they lied but I can't imagine how hard it would be to reveal something like that. People dont make it easy and not everyone is accepting.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Dating is not about political correctness, it's about your personal red flags and deal breakers. 🚩🚩🚩 Lying is a deal breaker for most people particularly about availability to date/have a relationship. Do not date out of pity or political correctness. Date people you see potential with and who are honest with you.

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    If I thought everything is black and white, I would agree with you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Phoenixrises
    I feel like no contact is especially hard for me this time because they told me they were meant to live the rest of the their life as a lie and die unhappy and they were not meant for a relationship. Gow can I leave someone alone that really feels that way?
    Like Wiseman said, don't date out of pity, or to "save" someone. It's actually harmful to both people involved.

    If this person doesn't want to date you, they don't want to date you. Sometimes it happens that way.

  10. #9
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    They broke up with me and I dont understand why.

    If i was dating a man (i am a straight woman) and he said he feels like he wants to live as a woman..... Honestly, I could be his friend but I could not continue a relationship with him. He may feel that since (i am not sure if you are a straight female or gay man....but either way) are attracted to men and desire ultimately marriage to a man that you would ultimately not be happy as much as you say you "love him as a person".

    Also, if its Phoenix and her Boyfriend, let's call, him, Bill, socially, and one day the barrista, the butcher, baker and candlestick maker see Phoenix and then Bill in a dress (since they know him, they know its him and not a new friend)...its going to be some talk and spectacle. If he breaks up with you, figures himself out and then reemerges in a new social circle without you as "Willa" or "Billie Jean" -- then the new people know him as someone who is transgender with no "that's awful what you are doing to Phoenix"

    I would honestly let him go and find a man that is happy in his own skin as he is as a man and who is looking for a relationship.

  11. #10
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    It's not out of pity. I was happy when I was with them. They treated me really well and I cared about them. That's why I want to be with them.

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