Why Am I Jealous?

I am 29 and I’ve been happily with my girlfriend for 5 years, and never had any issues. We are in a great relationship and I love her very much.

I have a co-worker, 25yr Old beautiful girl, who became single a few months ok. Her and I are friends and although we are a little flirty, nothing has ever happened. She has been having passionate makeout sessions at work secretly with our 25yr old most direct boss (she knows this is an awful idea). She has been telling me about this, claims she doesn’t like him but she claims it’s harmless fun. It never really bothered me that she did it, I only felt it was a terrible idea and saddened me Bc he is a douche and a total player.

A group of co-workers went on a trip and I let her put her pillow on my lap so she could take a nap in the car. That’s it. Now all of a sudden I find myself filled with extremely jealous feelings. I continually torture myself and imagine that when she is working now she is probably making out with him more. I can’t stop thinking about it and her.

I feel like I am losing my mind. I still have insanely deep feelings for my gf, but I am wondering if I am starting to develop feelings for my colleague as well. Am I crazy? Is it possible to completely and fully be in love with a girl and yet find you are possibly having feelings for another as well?

I’m so disappointed in myself and I feel like I can’t tell anyone.

Well, what you're feeling is pretty common. She put herself in a vulnerable position by sleeping on your lap and touching you, you started to feel like you were protecting her and your emotions started to take over. In any relationship there's going to be temptations. We can't turn our emotions off just because you're in a relationship. But that's why we have free will. We can overcome our emotions and choose to shut down those feelings for others and remain faithful to our loved ones.

As for what she's doing, well, she's an idiot and the boss is creating a hostile work environment. There could be a lawsuit coming from her in a few years. Stay out of it other than telling her it's a bad idea. And stop feeling guilty. Everyone's experienced what you're experiencing.

I apologize. I realized in my hasty writing I forgot to include that when she lay on my lap to nap, I kind of just set my hand on her hip since it was the only comfortable position for it. I then found myself enjoying that, and she didn’t mind at all. Before I knew it, we were sort of holding hands for quite some time. I honestly don’t recall if I initiated it or she did, but I can say that neither one of us were mad about it. But that’s it, nothing further happened. Nothing more physical than that.

I apologize. I realized in my hasty writing I forgot to include that when she lay on my lap to nap, I kind of just set my hand on her hip since it was the only comfortable position for it. I then found myself enjoying that, and she didn’t mind at all. Before I knew it, we were sort of holding hands for quite some time. I honestly don’t recall if I initiated it or she did, but I can say that neither one of us were mad about it. But that’s it, nothing further happened. Nothing more physical than that.

If I were your gf, I would feel so uncomfortable with that - her head in your lap, and your hand on her hip. I have had boyfriends that gently put a stop to stuff like that by saying "Hey, I have a gf, so I don't feel comfortable with this." It us up to you to set those boundaries, or you will end up hurting your gf, yourself, and the other woman too.

Not only that, your mild flirting may be sending the wrong message to your coworker, that you are available. Think of it this way - if your gf could see and hear any of your interactions, would she be hurt by them?

It is normal to feel attracted to someone else sometimes. But if you value your current rekationship, you do not act on those feelings.

If it gets to the point that you want to act on them, then you need to break up with your girlfriend completely.

Something else to consider. You are playing with fire. The coworker is physically involved with your boss. There is always a chance that he could mess up your work life if you interfere with that, by messing around with her. She certainly doesn't sound like much of a catch, anyhow, messing with the boss and you at the same time.

Just stop this flirting. You're cheating and the hand holding and head on lap, hip touching is wrong. =_=

Is it possible to completely and fully be in love with a girl and yet find you are possibly having feelings for another as well?

Be honest: what you’re doing is seriously wrong. Flirting with another woman while in a relationship with someone else is highly inappropriate, even if it’s “mild.” Why even go there? You need to start being assertive with your boundaries or you WILL end up single. Does your girlfriend even know about the interaction going on between you and your colleague? If I were your girlfriend, I would seriously reconsider my relationship with someone like you.

And be very careful HOW you touch or interact with ANY woman at work... especially when you let her put her head around your genital area (the lap) and touching her hip. Her face should not be anywhere near your crotch, especially with other people around to witness it. You know better. We sadly live in a #METOO movement where it is fair game for a woman to target or retaliate aganist men with sexual harassment accusations (and some of them are completely false). She can easily say to a supervisor how YOU made her lay her head on your lapagainst her will (with blackmail) and that you were physically taking advantage of her while she slept even though that really didn’t happen - and you end up losing your job. I’m not joking, I have witnessed women getting burned by a dude and retaliate by creating a serious accusation of it. With how inappropriate and unprofessional she’s acting, she seems to be that type.

Oh, and if I were you I would immediately speak with a higher up - someone your boss reports to - and inform that person about what she and your boss are doing (make sure it’s an anonymous report). Pretty sure she’s doing it to get a leg up in promotion or to play favorites, and it’s very unprofessional. Don’t be surprised if she suddenly gets a raise before you or receives any “special” favors/treatment from your boss while you get treated like crap.

You really need to start being smarter and keep yourself out of situations like this. It will snowball if you aren’t paying attention.

You are jealous because you have started to catch feelings for that sk@nk. Time to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. You have displayed some very poor boundaries hence starting to feel confused. You have befriended a single person of the opposite sex to the point where you have gotten to be touchy feely. How would you feel if your girlfriend had been doing all that with a single person of the opposite sex? If the answer is that you would have felt betrayed, then that's a boundary you have crossed. That's why most people would not be ok with such a "friendship". If you wish to solve your problem in an honest and sane way all you have to do is to distance yourself from the sk@nk.

It may sound harsh calling her that but here is the deal. I am assuming that your co-worker knows full well that you are in a long-term relationship (if not, I take the word I used for her back, you are the only one in the wrong and you should let her know that you are in a relationship). So, she is playing with a person who is not single AND her player boss in the same time. That shows a person with very poor judgment, low integrity and mentally in a messed up/imbalanced state. If you continue down this road you are going to be entangled in heaps of drama for someone who is not a quality person to begin with. Your choice.

Clio you’re fine, because that’s who the other woman really is. She’s an office hoe. You know, the kind of woman who sleeps around for that special treatment and promotion. We all know that game because it’s so obvious. The OP needs to wake up, take those rose-covered glasses off and stop letting her take advantage of him or he’ll end up going down with her.

So a few things here:

1.) If you truly loved your gf, you wouldn't be disrespecting her by noticing other women or having feelings for them. When you're truly in love with someone, you don't notice other people...end of.

2.) You already crossed boundaries sitting and talking to this girl about personal things and allowing her physically close to you like that. You knew both were wrong, and yet you did it anyway.

3.) This girl is not a nice girl. She allows herself to make out with the boss, acts like a cheap girl and has little morals about doing it. Why on earth would you want a girl like that?

What it comes right down to is, you created this entire situation. No one just accidentally starts getting close to someone and starts having feelings. You took a lot of misguided steps to get yourself where you are now. You essentially betrayed your gf already by becoming emotionally attached to this girl.

You never should have been friendly with her in the first place. Not only do you have a gf, but this is work! Not a pick up bar.

Do your gf a favor, end things so she can find a loyal guy. Last thing any woman needs is a man who is lusting after someone else while dating him.

It sounds like you are almost cheating or want to. It seems you are too obsessed with this coworker and willing to destroy your relationship over it. It eventually will. Keep in mind she's the office floozy, maybe you'll be next? That seems to be what you're hoping for. No you do not love or respect your gf, you're just telling yourself this out of guilt.

I have a co-worker, 25yr Old beautiful girl, who became single a few months ok. I let her put her pillow on my lap so she could take a nap in the car. I still have insanely deep feelings for my gf, but I am wondering if I am starting to develop feelings for my colleague as well.

I'd start by asking myself why am I holding hands and putting hands on hips and having intimate conversations with a woman that is not my girlfriend who I say I love.

It would be helpful for you to start thinking about what the office woman represents that could be missing in your life or relationship, the "attraction" most likely has little to do with her. Since you're 29 and have gone through the majority of your 20's with your relationship, there are some easy connections to make such as a possible building of regret that you didn't have as many of these type of potential flings as you may have wanted, the relationship is becoming too routine, you're staring down 30 and may be fearing that your life is fast becoming set in one track, or you like the "danger" of being part of a high school style drama going on at the office.

These are some common themes that lead to cheating which is temporary, but the regretful disaster that results from cheating is permanent. If you love your girlfriend as much as you state and if you've reached a level of maturity that will allow you not to cater to impulsivity, then figure out what is really going on for you and pull back from the office woman except for anything work related. Her antics will get old fairly quickly, so you will be glad that you removed yourself from that in advance.

Thank you to all who responded. It’s generelly the responses I expected to receive.

She knows dang well that I am in a long term relationship. She used to ask about my gf all the time. As for her kissing our boss. Trust me, ive tried so hard to convince her how dumb it is, she knows it, but yet she continues to let it happen. She isn’t the aggressor but she doesn’t stop it. I told her that if anyone ever finds out she is either going down with him or she better be prepared to claim that he’s taking advantage of her, which she admits is not the case.

I do know that I crossed the bounds of my relationship. I know I technically cheated. My gf knows a little bit of what went on, but I will admit I left out the holding hands part. I honestly think that’s where I crossed the line. I fully admit if roles were reversed and my gf did it to me I would be jealous.

I do sort of feel though that my gf kind of opened up this door a little before, I caught her trading scandalous pictures with a woman a few months back (my gf is bi curious). I’m still an adult though and I still made the decision to allow myself to get close to my colleague.

I definitely have some soul searching to do, but I don’t agree with everyone just telling me to let my gf go. We truly do love each other. I know a lot of people on here doubt it Bc I let my guard down with another girl, but I am 100% sure of one thing, and that’s that I love my gf and don’t want to let something dumb like minor cuddling/holding hands ruin my relationship. Sadly I pretty much guarantee my gf would still be with me even if I was completely honest. So as crazy as it seems, me telling her would only hurt her feelings for a bit but I almost guarantee she would not break up with me. I’m her whole life, and I think that scares me a little.

A bi-curious gf that you caught trading scandalous pics with a woman is a whole other can of worms. I would have broken up over that because I would always worry that this person is not really sure about their sexuality. There are gay people who take years to accept their sexuality hence I would worry about ending up as collateral damage. If you were trying to get back at your gf and/or make her jealous, that was a very passive aggressive approach that is not going to solve anything. If you are willing to stay on, you really need to get to the bottom of things when it comes to her sexuality or you risk investing (more) years on a dead end relationship. Bi-sexuality is a deal breaker in my book as a straight person but I realize that there are others who are willing to take that risk.

Focus on distancing yourself from this coworker. It's not your job to save her from herself. You can spare your gf the details, but don't blame her if you continued date after her bi-curious episode.

ive tried so hard to convince her how dumb it is, she knows it, but yet she continues to let it happen. She isn’t the aggressor but she doesn’t stop it. I told her that if anyone ever finds out she is either going down with him or she better be prepared to claim that he’s taking advantage of her, which she admits is not the case.

Are you trying to get a threeway on the go? Lol

What a mess. The little headis over riding common sense. Roll with a pig, you will get dirty.

I do sort of feel though that my gf kind of opened up this door a little before, I caught her trading scandalous pictures with a woman a few months back

Back to the quote "Two wrongs don't make a right". You can't blame someone else's behavior for your own. If your gf was behaving badly, then you either call her on it or end things, you don't "one up her" and go and do something wrong too. I don't know how that even makes sense to you.

Own what you did and the choices you made. This was all you.

You are either a good man who is loyal or you aren't. But how someone else acts shouldn't ever change that.

So inappropriate. How would you feel if your gf had done the same with a coworker? Ask your gf what she thinks about all of this.

Just read that she was cheating on you. Get some couples counseling.

Clio you’re fine, because that’s who the other woman really is. She’s an office hoe. You know, the kind of woman who sleeps around for that special treatment and promotion. We all know that game because it’s so obvious. The OP needs to wake up, take those rose-covered glasses off and stop letting her take advantage of him or he’ll end up going down with her.

She is not hoeing around on her own. The boss is even worse, as he in a place of seniority. Trashiness all around.