Anxiety/Overwhelm

In the last few months but particularly the last few weeks I have been experiencing high levels of stress.

There are a few important contributing factors - feelings of grief, impossible workload with little managerial support, heartbreak and reaching 40 without kids and a partner.

I am looking for some suggestions on how to handle it better.

I have felt a variation of stressed, depressed but mostly overwhelmed. When I feel like this I end doing MORE rather than easing up. It's like a compulsion I struggle to control. I will end up listening to someone's problems even though I have little inner capacity. I will offer help even though I am running on empty. I will go to a gig or meet with a friend even though I should be staying in.

I have taken some initial steps like not drink any alcohol at the moment. I have spoken to my manager which sadly was not fruitful as he lacks the skills and maturity to support me - I actually offer help to my manager.

Suggestions such as exercise and eat well are things I can put into place in a couple of weeks from now as I have a family visit abroad coming up that feels daunting.

I am looking for some suggestions to keep myself a bit more grounded and loved for the next 2 weeks, especially in an environment that will be stressful and unsupportive. I am also looking for some insight as to why I would be doing more when I already have little resources, what is that compulsion about?

Thank you

I think the compulsion is actually a healthy response -you're trying to distract and redirect.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'd try some mindfulness exercises as my friends have recommended very often. I also love the Weil method of 4-7-8 breathing.

I will try to look at it a bit with my own experiences, and maybe you might see something in it or not.

Taking into account the contributing factors you mention, I don't really find it weird that you would do more rather than ease up. The stuff you have to deal with sounds quite heavy, our minds have this natural ability to steer us towards behaviour that will ease them in a sense. However, not all of this behaviour will work in the long run. One of these is actually occupying yourself with so many things that there is no time to sit still, as sitting still means that the heavy burden you carry actually becomes clear. Therefore, your mind doesn't like it and tries to 'run' from it any way possible.

In that regards, it's very smart to not drink alcohol for a little while. As for the exercise and food, yeah that's always a good one. Maybe getting a little structure with those would give a sense of grounding. Some foundation to build on or return to when you feel overwhelmed. Sleep is of course also very important, so some routine there might work as well.

So personally I've experienced a depression and some overwhelming times, during those I did do a couple of things and some worked for me others did not. I am just going to list a couple and you can look into it. The most important thing is you find something that works for you and something you can work with.

- Getting a routine: Sleep, work, exercise and eating in a routine. Also have a hobby in that routine.

- When depressed, write down 2 things you did that day. Doesn't matter how big or small. Depression tends to obscure that you really do a lot

- Write down the things you did and make a list of how much effort it cost and how much energy it gave you. This might show 'energy drains' (for lack of better term).

- Good contact, like good friends and family. Be wary of toxic people, who you notice only have a negative influence. Lower contact with them might help.

- Meditation, I tried mindfulness, to get a solid internal foundation. Did work for me, but does take an effort.

- Psychological help. This worked for me, but the most important thing is you feel good asking this help. Get a professional with whom you feel a connection.

- Make a to-do list and limit yourself. Instead of trying to do everything at once try spacing it out. Give yourself time to rest.

- Get in touch with your emotions. If your head is running from these, then reconciling anything might help.

These are just some suggestions from my own experience, maybe you can find something that helps you.

I wish you a lot of strength in these harder times.

Sorry to hear this. It sounds like the upcoming family visit is stressing you out. Actually finding distractions, altruism, getting the focus off yourself, etc. reduces stress and is healthy. It's not an 'unhealthy compulsion' at all. Ruminating and self absorption are far less healthy than getting out there or feeling like you've been productive or helped someone make their lives a little easier. Just get through the family thing and you'll feel better.

I will end up listening to someone's problems even though I have little inner capacity. I will offer help even though I am running on empty. I will go to a gig or meet with a friend even though I should be staying in. I have a family visit abroad coming up that feels daunting.