Boyfriend keeps telling me when other girls first on him.

Alright so I have absolutely NO idea why this has started to bother me lately.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months now. We have a very healthy, good relationship. I have 0 complains about our relationship as of now except that lately, he tells me when girls flirt with him at work. And this apparently now happens. All. The. Time.

I didn't mind this when he would randomly tell me before but now, it has become a random everyday topic. It goes like this:

Babe goes to work, comes out late at night, calls me while he drives home - every day.

I ask about his day, and he tells me about it, and somehow always throws in there how a client, coworker, supervisor, girl, guy, you name it, were hitting on him.

I joke about it, most of the times just go along with it and say something along the lines of 'it's the beard', 'that's because you're so handsome', and 'that's fine, let them hit on you all they want at the end of the day you're mine'. Sometimes I jokingly become overprotective, but for the most part, I really, really don't care.

Why do guys do this? why is he telling me this? Is it just him communicating? making me jealous? I don't mind if it were just communicating but I'm getting another vibe from it and it's starting to annoy the living bleep out of me.

Don't talk on his drive home from work. Insist on quality communication. Why can't he call you later when he gets home?

Why are you relegated to having to chat when he's bored/stuck in traffic and multitasking? It's unclear why you are settling for this nonsense. Can't he devote dedicated time to you?

Don't ask him about work. Don't reward him for his self-aggrandizement by trying to be the "cool gf" with silly statements like "because you're so handsome". Change the subject back your dating life. Talk about what you have in common and about your next date, plans etc.

9 months now. calls me while he drives home - every day. why is he telling me this? it's starting to annoy the living bleep out of me.

Why not ask him directly why he keeps telling you this stuff? He knows the answer much better than our guesses.

Just let him know that you're not interested in hearing about it, no matter what the reason is.

It is rather childish of him to want to relay this information to you or to even notice it himself. He needs to grow up.

He's doing this to get a rise out of you, and it worked. Here you are, with just enough anxiety about this to have come here to post about it.

He wants his little ego stroked, and he's getting it, twice: first, from whoever is flirting with him (although I suspect he does a fair share of baiting these girls), and second, when you say, "oooooh, you're so handsome". Gag. Me. Raw.

Stop feeding it. Simply change the subject. Literally. He says, "The girl from the other cubicle said I looked so cute today", and you say "Did you hear xyz band is coming in November?". Or: "Sorry, didn't hear you, just stepped into an elevator".

He is insecure and trying to get a reaction out of you.

Don't respond, and change the subject. Don't indulge him.

He’s insecure because you’re incredibly open about the fact that you aren’t over your ex and he was there all through that. A healthy person would have said screw this he stayed now this is his unhealthy way of coping.

Neither one of you is showing respect to the other.

Reset, communicate and get things on track

He sounds insecure and is trying to make himself feel desirable. I would ask him directly why he does this. It's juvenile, whatever his reasoning.

On another thread, you were worried about how to approach him about his unkempt beard and generally sloppy appearance, as you were losing attraction to him over it. Have you since said something to him about this? If so, he might be exaggerating his desirability as a way to stick it to you for complaining.

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=552932

From this thread alone I'd say it's simple. He's insecure, as are most people, and he's handling it in a clumsy way. And maybe at the 9 month mark he's having little jitters, the standard fears of being in something "serious," and this is his clumsy way of asserting some independence. Ignore it, shrug it off, don't indulge, and it likely goes away.

But scrolling through your previous posts it seems this "healthy, good relationship" is maybe more fragile than you think. Just as you now have "O complaints" except his flirtation, earlier you had zero complaints except that you were losing physical attraction to him. And it sounds like your previous bf continues to hold a lot of pull over you, which I'm sure he's aware of, having already been in the "rebound" category early on.

That's a lot of pressure points being pushed at once, with little release.

Wait...this the guy who's sporting the Cro-Magnon look? 🧔🐵 It's doubtful, if you describe him as "looking like a homeless guy" that women are flirting with him all day. Nonetheless, do not take drive-by calls, prioritize your communication to quality rather than quantity.

Bluecastle, I have been loving your posts lately!

Bluecastle, I have been loving your posts lately!

Right!? Bluecastle is killing it. I've really enjoyed everything he (?) or she (?) has posted!!

Nothing to do with his gender or “guys”. It’s foolish of him and he must have more going on in his life. Maybe the next time say “wait - what did you say? Sorry this guy is trying to friend me on Facebook and writing that he thinks I look hot”. Sorry - that was funny and I got distracted - so what were you saying about Bertha hitting on you??” I agree about the chat on the way home especially if that’s his favorite topic.

Aww, thanks figureitout and indea08!

I am, for the record, a he.

You guys know that really awkward looking stage when guys grow their facial hair out? yeah, it was like that at that point. But now it's looking so regal. He's looking like some buff manly viking, honestly, I'm digging it now that everything is filled in.

Hmm... quite honestly, I saw my ex a week ago (we went to a mutual friend's bday, without our partners) and was surprised to feel the lack of feelings there. We were pretty civilized with each other. He was always the one approaching me too but it was friendly and respectful. He has a new girlfriend, and I'm super happy for him! I'm so glad he's doing well. My concerns were that he wasn't over the relationship and was still talking smack about me... (read previous thread. he was lying about me saying i was trying to hang out with him when i havent talked to him in months, also tried rekindling twice this year and I skrt skrt dodged it like a bullet) but since he has a new girl, I'm hoping to keep out of his mouth and we can just keep focusing on our lives!

Also sorry, I didn't write enough information. He calls me everyday afterwork because we have a halloween event atm, so we both get out really late (same company different departments, so we dont see each other there at all.) He calls me on his way home but once he is home we remain on the phone for hours. We don't just talk about this! We talk about other stuff, our lives, etc. He just somehow always says someone flirted with him when I asked how his day went, which is now becoming annoying -.- I think he isn't used to all the attention. After all, a beard does to men what make up does to women - in my opinion.

Thank you all for the replies! So basically it could be the insecurity?

I was becoming a little insecure too. We both agreed to wait until marriage to have sex (virgin here) and he was the one that actually requested we wait. He's also talking an awful lot about marriage... could he be having second thoughts? Tho nothing else is out of the ordinary other than the sudden rise of women interested in him. He's very open and always says he doesn't want us to hide anything from each other. Also his ex talked to him two days ago, she passed by his station (as she ALWAYS does but this was the first time in over a year she talked to him). He ignored her.

Also dunno if this matters but I'm super independent and not clingy at all. I never call him (I hate talking on the phone in general because I'm always multitasking), so he always calls me. I also often forget to reply to text timely... I've ALWAYS been this way, with everyone. My friends, my exes, family, etc. I'm wondering if my behavior is playing into the insecurity...

Gahh, writing this just confused me more. I'm not very good at relationships. I stayed away from them until now in my mid twenties because men scared me a lot (childhood trauma) and I was awfully shy.

Nothing to do with his gender or “guys”. It’s foolish of him and he must have more going on in his life. Maybe the next time say “wait - what did you say? Sorry this guy is trying to friend me on Facebook and writing that he thinks I look hot”. Sorry - that was funny and I got distracted - so what were you saying about Bertha hitting on you??” I agree about the chat on the way home especially if that’s his favorite topic.

this made me laugh so hard !

I feel like you read what was said but didn’t comprehend it. I don’t know maybe you were just venting I didn’t understand the point of half of what you wrote

The probable reason he has been acting this way is insecurity caused by you. That’s not a good thing!

You should have been single after your last relationship but he was you rebound so all that baggage is sitting as a wedge between the two of you.

I think you owe it to him to either get in control of your insecurities and self sabotaging behaviors, you’re right you did do it to your ex too, and make amends and set this train back on its tracks, or let the guy go and work on yourself.

Continuing this way, seems like it’s just a ticking time bomb.

I feel like you read what was said but didn’t comprehend it. I don’t know maybe you were just venting I didn’t understand the point of half of what you wrote (Well then, sorry, but english isn't my first language.)

 

The probable reason he has been acting this way is insecurity caused by you. That’s not a good thing!

 

You should have been single after your last relationship but he was you rebound so all that baggage is sitting as a wedge between the two of you. It did start as a rebound. But I was honest about it. I told him I wanted nothing serious and wanted to be single, and was single until I got feelings for him and we got officially together.

 

I think you owe it to him to either get in control of your insecurities and self sabotaging behaviors, you’re right you did do it to your ex too, and make amends and set this train back on its tracks, or let the guy go and work on yourself. And this is the exact issue. Here you are, on my ex's side it seems. You're on all my threads, so have you seen what he did to me? He cheated on me with his exgirlfriend. Then threatened me to kill himself if I left him when I tried to break up with him. Then hurt himself to further emphasize he would do something stupid if I left. But you're right, I'm the self sabotaging one and my ex is the victim.

 

Continuing this way, seems like it’s just a ticking time bomb.

Yes, I guess I'm not understanding.

I don't understand why should I break up with him when we love each other, our relationship is actually good, and no one has done anything to the other?

Set the train back on track... what do you mean? I just don't understand how to read the situation. If its just him trying to be open and communicating, being insecure, or trying to make me jealous. A third perspective is always helpful. But setting the train back on track - on track from what? We aren't on a bad path - at least it doesn't feel that way.

I do admit I have self sabotaging behaviors, but those behaviors only came out when I felt forced to stay in a relationship I didn't want to be in. I tried and tried to sabotage because if he didn't let me break up with him, then I would make him break up with me. This went on for a year, I lost count how many times I tried to break up but he would always pull out some scheme to get me back. I became a sadist. I enjoyed hurting someone that hurt me so much. I wasn't mature enough to realize I could always leave. I just knew that I wasn't happy, so why make him happy? I was building him up and kept doing so despise it all. I bottled it all in until I exploded and hurt him by being verbally abusive. He admitted he enjoyed making me burst because he found it 'hot'. I was in no way a victim, but neither was he.

And that is something I came to understand long after the relationship was over, after I went to therapy for impulsive behavior. I also admit I've never worked on them until now. I actually want this one to work. I'm not doing anything to possibly damage this because it is something I want.

Hahaha, yeah! Bluecastle is on fire! Keep sending your wisdom, man! :)

OP, if your boyfriend knew he was your rebound, of course he's generally insecure with you. Who wouldn't be?

All this boasting about how many people want him is his misguided way of trying to boost himself up and remind you he could easily find someone else too. Immature? Yes. But you two didn't have a solid start and there have been problems along the way. He likely isn't yet convinced there's a future here, though he may get there.

All you can do is: A) ask him why he feels the need to tell you about this and let him know it's an awkward topic of conversation, or B) don't engage when he starts telling you how everyone wants him (which is probably not true anyway, but exaggerated for effect) and change the subject.

Does he use the words "flirted with"? Or is he just talking about talking with female coworkers in general? It does sound as though you are wobbly when it comes to relationships and need to become more secure with yourself.

He just somehow always says someone flirted with him when I asked how his day went, which is now becoming annoying. I'm not very good at relationships. I stayed away from them until now in my mid twenties because men scared me a lot and I was awfully shy.

OP, if your boyfriend knew he was your rebound, of course he's generally insecure with you. Who wouldn't be?

 

All this boasting about how many people want him is his misguided way of trying to boost himself up and remind you he could easily find someone else too. Immature? Yes. But you two didn't have a solid start and there have been problems along the way. He likely isn't yet convinced there's a future here, though he may get there.

 

All you can do is: A) ask him why he feels the need to tell you about this and let him know it's an awkward topic of conversation, or B) don't engage when he starts telling you how everyone wants him (which is probably not true anyway, but exaggerated for effect) and change the subject.

This! Spot on, as per usual.

Nothing to do with his gender or “guys”. It’s foolish of him and he must have more going on in his life. Maybe the next time say “wait - what did you say? Sorry this guy is trying to friend me on Facebook and writing that he thinks I look hot”. Sorry - that was funny and I got distracted - so what were you saying about Bertha hitting on you??” I agree about the chat on the way home especially if that’s his favorite topic.

This too^, Batya you're funny!!

I agree, super funny, but probably one of the worst things she could do.

He is justifiably insecure. Adding fuel to that fire...KABOOM!

I agree, super funny, but probably one of the worst things she could do.

 

He is justifiably insecure. Adding fuel to that fire...KABOOM!

You're probably right.

Best to ignore, not acknowledge and change the subject.

It's a bog standard shyt test to evoke a reaction, I don't respond well to shyt tests, so I don't react at all anymore.

If he's insecure, feels he's a rebound, he needs to communicate that to her like a mature adult, not engage in silly jealousy tests.

JMO.

You're probably right.

 

Best to ignore, not acknowledge and change the subject.

 

It's a bog standard shyt test to evoke a reaction, I don't respond well to shyt tests, so I don't react at all anymore.

 

If he's insecure, feels he's a rebound, he needs to communicate that to her like a mature adult, not engage in silly jealousy tests.

JMO.

I disagree.

Shes been the one steering the boat .

She fully admits he was her rebound. She fully admits the ex battle shes been having in her mind, which if shes honest is still going on. She fully admits there was a period where she was turned off by his appearance. Also, based on her writing style, I picked up that she manifests her own insecurities by being a bit cocky.

He would have to be completely oblivious to not pick up on any of that.

The reason he stayed all throughout all of this is uncanny. I'm lying, its not, broken seeks broken. He was probably insecure and seeking approval from the get go. Their broken pieces fit together like gangbusters.

What were seeing now is the natural progression of that.