It has been almost 2 years and no sleep overs !

I've been dating a guy for almost 2 years, I'm 36 years old and he is 47 years old. I like him and I like spending time with him. The problem is we don't spend so much time together. We get together once during a week and once on the weekend and spend 3-4 hours together and never had sleepovers. I was fine with this in the beginning but lately it started to bother me . I rent a studio so actually he couldn't sleep over at my place because my bed is good just for one person, but he has a house and during last 2 years he invited me to his house maybe like less than 10 times and let me stay over just twice. our routine is like this, he comes over, we watch a show and on the weekends we have sex and he leaves. I don't have a car so he always drives to my place. I was wondering if all of this is happening because my place is small and he can't stay over and I don't have a car to drive to his place or does it mean something else. by the way his house is like 20 minutes drive from my place.

Well, this is interesting to say the least.

No disrespect, but you're sure he's not married or seeing someone?

You used the word "dating," which strikes me as pretty casual for a two year thing. It almost sounds like you guys have maybe held onto the "casual, dating" vibe long past its expiration date? And in terms of why this is all happening—well, it's because neither of you have voiced wanting anything else. So why no bring it up? Ask if he'd like to stay over, small bed bed damned, or if you can stay at his? Those are pretty in bounds questions after two weeks, let alone two years.

I’m not going to lie that sounds incredibly odd given the amount of time you two have dated. Maybe he has commitment issues? Have you asked him why this is?

Do you have an Uber type service to go to his place or is there public transportation to take you part of the way? Two years of this arrangement sounds fine if you both want something more casual and enjoy having sex but it doesn’t sound particularly close or intimate. What benefits do you get from keeping things at arms length in this way?

I am not an expert at relationships , just had a few relationship. So I really try not to jump into conclusion and I've never talked to him about this. Though a few times I implied that I want to spend more time with him and he said we could get together at his place sometime but he never acted on that. and I just don't feel comfortable asking him if we could stay at his place. I think he should invite me to his place. But I think it is time for the talk. Just wanted to know if any one else finds this situation weird too

There is an uber service here, just the problem is he never invites me to his place. He just simply says I will come over around 7ish or 8ish

Well, this is interesting to say the least.

 

No disrespect, but you're sure he's not married or seeing someone?

 

You used the word "dating," which strikes me as pretty casual for a two year thing. It almost sounds like you guys have maybe held onto the "casual, dating" vibe long past its expiration date? And in terms of why this is all happening—well, it's because neither of you have voiced wanting anything else. So why no bring it up? Ask if he'd like to stay over, small bed bed damned, or if you can stay at his? Those are pretty in bounds questions after two weeks, let alone two years.

I used the verb dating, because I am not sure about these whole situation. he said that he is not seeing anyone and he does not want to see anyone else. I think I should just talk to him

I suspect he is married.

Yeah, just have a talk. It doesn't need to be heavy. The thing about relationships is that you need to communicate—that's how you continue to reveal yourself, and allow someone to reveal themselves to you, in order to go deeper. In the beginning communication is easy, because it's easy to ask someone if they prefer Chinese to Mexican food. But as things get more layered so must the level of communication.

Sure, it might lead to learning things that make you uncomfortable, but at the end of the day we find security by knowing what's up rather than making assumptions and/or hoping something will magically just change without being vocalized. You never want to feel on eggshells.

I second Jibralta, and if not, he's still just using you.

I think there's a 90% chance that he's married or in a relationship.

You have a fwb relationship. Doesn't seem like a real one esp after nearly two years.

I'm assuming you haven't met his family or much of his friends?

I suspect he is married.

My thought!

If he's not married or in a relationship, then it sounds like what you have is a FWB arrangement. It's pretty odd not to be sleeping over if you two were bf/gf. I would ask him what is going on.

Sorry, but you are a f*ck buddy. Is this what you were looking for?

I am not an expert at relationships , just had a few relationship. So I really try not to jump into conclusion and I've never talked to him about this. Though a few times I implied that I want to spend more time with him and he said we could get together at his place sometime but he never acted on that. and I just don't feel comfortable asking him if we could stay at his place. I think he should invite me to his place. But I think it is time for the talk. Just wanted to know if any one else finds this situation weird too

Do you go on any proper dates?

Have you met friends or family?

Why haven't you had a discussion? Honestly, this is a waste of your precious time, if you are looking for a future.

It could also be that he's set in his ways as a bachelor. He likes his routine and space. He sees you twice week like clockwork. If he were married, you would have never been to his home. Too much of a risk. If she was out of town, it would still be obvious she lived there. It is always a good idea to tell someone what you are looking for in the beginning. Has he met any friends/family of yours? what about his?

It could also be that he's set in his ways as a bachelor.

I agree. But whether he's married or not, he's treating you like a mistress. Or even worse, like a call girl. And then thee's the age difference. He's not treating you seriously. As people have said, unless you like this arrangement, you should find a nice gu your own age and have a real relationship.

Sorry to hear this. However you've accepted and set this up as booty call for years. Stop inviting him over for fun-and-run "dates". Don't act like an in-call escort service. Make some decent plans that involve going out and actually dating.

our routine is like this, he comes over, we watch a show and on the weekends we have sex and he leaves.

Could be off, but if he's 47 and content dating this way, my best guess is he's "been there, done that" with regard to marriage and dating seriously. You're not being treated like a call girl. To consider you such is demeaning to your sexuality and, frankly, you as an adult. I know plenty of women wouldn't mind a "Mr. Right Now" who reliably hooked them up with dinner and sex, all while not even needing to put pants on. If you do mind it, you need to speak up about your intentions.

I find it odd how incredibly passive you have been !

He has no reason to think you don't like the situation exactly as it is. You do need to talk. But also if you'd like something different, you need to act. You can talk til you are blue in the face but if your end remains the same waiting on him to initiate change, no real point.

What is it you would like?

Could be off, but if he's 47 and content dating this way, my best guess is he's "been there, done that" with regard to marriage and dating seriously. You're not being treated like a call girl. To consider you such is demeaning to your sexuality and, frankly, you as an adult. I know plenty of women wouldn't mind a "Mr. Right Now" who reliably hooked them up with dinner and sex, all while not even needing to put pants on. If you do mind it, you need to speak up about your intentions.

She is looking for more. Doesn't even seem that she gets dinner, as the dates are in her home.

Op, expect more. Much more.

She is looking for more. Doesn't even seem that she gets dinner, as the dates are in her home.

 

Op, expect more. Much more.

Why not start simple and easy "There's this new restaurant that opened up a couple blocks from me - what do you say we try it out?" Or "the neighborhood is having an art festival. Let's take a walk there before it gets too dark". You have to do some of the steering. And i think that if he takes you up on going on actual dates, then he probably thought you were good with how things are. I think its high time that you invite him to something to meet a close friend if you haven't, etc,

btw do you not have a car because you live in a big city where one is not needed and a hindrance, or because of a disability or low income?

If you want more, you should speak up. I can’t imagine being with someone for 2 years and being afraid to speak up. Tell him what you want, but be prepared that you might not get it. He sounds like a bachelor who is set in his ways and wants it the way he wants it. Do you speak to each other during the week? Does he tell you about his day? Have you met his siblings?

She is looking for more. Doesn't even seem that she gets dinner, as the dates are in her home.

 

Op, expect more. Much more.

In any case, the OP is not an infant, and if she's not speaking her intentions nor acting on them, that's her problem, not the guy's. He has zero reason to assume she's not equally fine with it, especially after two years of it, nor should he have any responsibility to assume her interests for her.