How can I get him to move out?

Hi guys,

It's been a while since I've been on here. Some updates: My boyfriend and I (we broke up forever ago, I moved out and into my own place, then we got back together and moved in with a roommate/friend who just recently moved out and in with his GF) are pretty much done with our relationship. He started kind of treating me like crap again, I started feeling really bad inside, and I decided to go to therapy. Therapy has helped me to realize in a very concrete way that this relationship is over and it's not worth saving, she said I should have an exit plan, since he tends to behave rather erratically, esp. in emotional situations.

Here's the thing: last time we split up, I moved out of the apartment we shared, and I moved into my own studio. It was expensive and rent prices have only gone up since then. I also happen to really like where I live now. It's comfortable, affordable and almost all of the furniture save one dresser and the furniture in our roommate's old room is mine. I would like to stay there.

The problem is, both of our names are on the lease. Our original lease term was up in August, so now we are month to month as we did not formally renew our lease for another year. While we had a roommate, I was paying the bulk of the rent, our roommate paid a little less than I did, and my boyfriend was paying next to nothing. We did that on purpose, he makes a lot less money and he was supposed to be paying down his credit card debt since he was saving so much in rent (which he did not do at all). Now that our roommate is gone, we split the rent 50/50. I only pay about $100 more than I did before (which is still way cheaper than what I was paying to live alone) but to him the price went up astronomically and he is constantly complaining about it. So... basically, he can't afford to live there, or he can, but doesn't want to pay that much in rent. I don't want to cover more rent for him anymore, and I want to break up with him and live separately BUT I want HIM to move out instead of me this time. I do not feel like moving again, I like the place, I can comfortably afford it (would just find another female to take the other room and split with me) and I was the one who moved last time. My thinking is he can find a room to rent somewhere for the price he wants to pay, or move home (with his parents in FL) as he alluded to wanting to do very recently.

My question is, how do I go about accomplishing this? Both of our names are on the lease so I can't exactly kick him out. So what CAN I do, in the most non-confrontational and friendly manner? I've never actually broken up with anyone before and we've been together almost 6 years on and off now. Please help!

Hi. Sorry this is happening. All you can do is have a heart-to-heart and ask him to move out and that you will stay. Since you are month-to-month, that makes things easier. It may come as a relief to him if whatever the rent is now is not acceptable to him.

Negotiate a fair and good deal in a win-win manner. Don't make suggests about where he should go, etc. Just state your case that you'll stay and relieve him of the rent obligation.

I would like to stay there. The problem is, both of our names are on the lease. we are month to month as we did not formally renew our lease for another year. we split the rent 50/50. he can't afford to live there. I want HIM to move out instead of me this time.

I would also up his part to 50/50. This should encourage his departure.

You have supported this guy long enough. Find someone who can pull their own weight, not someone you have to parent. He should be responsible for ALL of his bills.

I would just be clear and honest with him about the most important thing: this relationship is over for you. What that means is that you now need to make new living arrangements, and what you think works is staying put, etc.

But don't make that about his shortcomings. Just make it what you're thinking, and listen to his feelings about it.

basically, he was living there practically rent-free because he was your boyfriend. Now that he is no longer your boyfriend, he loses that privelege....

I'd probably just ask him to be the one to move out. Give him 60 days notice or whatever, so he has time to find something else. If he says no, maybe you can go and renegotiate the lease with your landlord and just put your name on it.

I think you should be very clear with your views and if the relationship is over you need to put up your priorities.

My thinking is he can find a room to rent somewhere for the price he wants to pay, or move home (with his parents in FL) as he alluded to wanting to do very recently.

I'd tell him that I've been thinking about his mention of living with his folks, and that I understand this and want him to know that I'd be okay with it.

See where he takes the discussion from there. If he asks if you're kicking him out, you can say, no, but you aren't happy and believe it would be best for both of you.