He slept with someone else.

A month ago me and my partner of 4 and a half years were going through a tough time. We simple weren't getting on. We decided to go on a break and have a few days apart to miss each other and sort our heads out. When we got a back together I asked if he had done anything with anyone else while on this break, he looked me in the eye and said No.

I wasn't sure he was telling me the truth as I saw him blocking a number on his phone the morning after I moved back in, I turned to a forum like this one for advice, I was told I was crazy and that I was being paranoid, that he was just blocking a scam number, I knew something wasn't right. But I believed he wouldn't do anything like that to me.

A week ago I found out that he had lied to me, he was bed ridden in hospital, as his doting girlfriend I was by his bedside. While he was on the phone to his step dad I have over heard his talking about "the girl from Congleton". There was no words to describe how angry and betrayed I felt. If he hadn't been in a hospital bed already I could have put him in one.

I gave him a chance to tell me what had gone on while we were "on a break" but he was to much of a coward to tell me. A week has passed and I still can't get it out of my head, yeah he say it wasn't cheating but it sure feels like it is, on top of that the lies he told and betrayal towards me. I'm still unsure if I can get past this I'm falling apart at the seams, I just want to break down every time I think about it.

I used to be a the laid back girlfriend, who didn't go through his phone, who let him go out when ever he wanted, now I'm uptight and paranoid to , I can't stop myself looking at his phone and I'm not comfortable letting go out anymore, even around our own town.

His biological dad lives in Congleton, now I'm paranoid that he will see this girl when he visits to see him and she's going to have a baby surprise for him because he didn't use anything while betraying me.

I need some friendly advice on how to get over everything that has happened or how to move on for this rut that I'm in with life at the moment.

Are u hoping to stay with him?

Well, I told you he probably picked up a girl or got in contact with an old girlfriend. But you avoided the question about what was the massive fight you got into about? I'm guessing it was about a major problem in your relationship.

Lying, betrayal, getting onto another woman within days during a fight you were having, being irresponsible and she is now having his baby....that's not someone I would ever consider staying with.

You deserve better than that.

The best thing you can do is end this, (he made his choice), and find a way to heal. You are right, you'll never know anymore what's true from his mouth and what isn't.

I can't tell if you have actual evidence. All I see is that your boyfriend mentioned a "girl from Congleton" while you were at his bedside. You don't say what was mentioned. Did he tell his stepfather that he slept with her, while you were sitting right there?

Also, do you actually know that a "girl from Congleton" is pregnant? Or is this just the doomsday scenario in your mind?

If he did sleep with her, it shows you where his head is in the relationship. Yes, you were both on a break and nitpickers can debate that he didn't actually cheat. But I'd have a problem with it if I were in your shoes.

However, I can't tell what is actually going on here and if you even have solid evidence of the fact that he slept with someone.

Sorry to hear this. How long were you on "a break"? What was the rough patch and what precipitated this moving out/moving in? Clearly things were far from ideal before this happened. Was he seeing her before this rough patch? Living with anger and looking over your shoulder is no way to live. Is he still seeing her? All you can do is accept that it's not working and move out.

A month ago me and my partner of 4 and a half years were going through a tough time. A week ago I found out that he had lied to me, he was talking about "the girl from Congleton".

He addmitted everything when I over heard his dad mention "the girl from Congleton" because he was in hospital none of the doctors knew what it was and they still dont, his dad called and mentioned kidney stones and said that it could be caused by an std, then said "well what about the girl from Congleton?" My patner had mentioned it to both his dad's and they both said not to tell me. At the time all this was happening I thought I might have been pregnant, which I wasn't. Then he said to me in so many words that if I don't have a baby with him I couldn't be with him. I never wanted to go on a break, he did.

I don't know if "the girl from Congleton" is pregnant or not, I'm just worried of the possibility of her being pregnant.

I've asked him so many questions about that night that he has refused to answer, all I know is that he was pissed to the back nines while visiting his dad, his dad apparently went home, this girl came up to him and he went back to hers, did the deed and he left.

Oh jeez.

Then he said to me in so many words that if I don't have a baby with him I couldn't be with him.

So am I reading this correctly: he's pressuring you to have a baby?

I never wanted to go on a break, he did.

I don't know if "the girl from Congleton" is pregnant or not, I'm just worried of the possibility of her being pregnant.

I've asked him so many questions about that night that he has refused to answer, all I know is that he was pissed to the back nines while visiting his dad, his dad apparently went home, this girl came up to him and he went back to hers, did the dead and he left.

I know this is difficult to hear, but I think you're MUCH better off without him. He's an awful dead weight.

Unfortunately it sounds like he was seeing this woman before the break. What do you mean "he'll leave you if you don't get pregnant"? This has nothing to do with him trying to impregnate women all over. This has to do with relationship breakdown and he is seeing someone else.

Was "you have to get pregnant or else" his excuse to throw you out? Hopefully you don't believe that. What is the obsession with getting pregnant?

he said to me in so many words that if I don't have a baby with him I couldn't be with him. I never wanted to go on a break, he did.

I don't where his desperate desire to become a dad came from. I never told him I was definatly pregnant I said I might be, we did multiple tests and they were all negative so I went to the doctors because I have signals that I was pregnant ((lactating)), everything was normals with bloods. He kept bring it up all the time even though he knew i adamantly dont want kids right now, but he kept pushing until the break happened. After the break he miraculously decided he didn't want a family. The following weeks he kept snapping and talking to me horribly especially when he got drunk even after a good night out, we'd get home and he d turn on me for no reason. He was also checking my phone when he thought I was asleep, reading unread inboxes, i felt him reach over, when I moved he quickly put it back.

The guilt was probably eating away at him, but why did he have to make me feel like crap and treat me like the bad person.

We've been together for 4 and a half years this is the only time I've felt like I can't trust him anymore, I looked at his phone and i known it's petty but he's adding tarty girls on Facebook even now, I don't know what to think anymore what's real and a fabrication. I don't know what he can do to make everything right or even if I want him to try and make it up to me.

It sounds like you are in an abusive relationship and need to move out. You are not a breeding cow. Never get pregnant or claim you may be to hang onto a man, as you can see it doesn't work. He cheated and threw you out.

That whole thing is nonsense, so is thinking stds cause kidney stones. You need to go to a doctor and get checked for stds.

Where did you stay when he threw you out? Move back home to your family. He doesn't feel guilty for anything. He simply treats you like dirt and probably always has.

he knew i adamantly dont want kids right now. he kept snapping and talking to me horribly especially when he got drunk even after a good night out, we'd get home and he d turn on me for no reason.

We were apart for less than 3 days and stayed at my mum and dads, I moved into my mum's on the Friday and I was back at home by sunday. I feel stupid because I came running back. I've been for all sti screenings I'm currently waiting for results back.

He addmitted everything when I over heard his dad mention "the girl from Congleton" because he was in hospital none of the doctors knew what it was and they still dont, his dad called and mentioned kidney stones and said that it could be caused by an std, then said "well what about the girl from Congleton?" My patner had mentioned it to both his dad's and they both said not to tell me. At the time all this was happening I thought I might have been pregnant, which I wasn't. Then he said to me in so many words that if I don't have a baby with him I couldn't be with him. I never wanted to go on a break, he did.

I don't know if "the girl from Congleton" is pregnant or not, I'm just worried of the possibility of her being pregnant.

I've asked him so many questions about that night that he has refused to answer, all I know is that he was pissed to the back nines while visiting his dad, his dad apparently went home, this girl came up to him and he went back to hers, did the deed and he left.

You left out a lot of info in your first post as I was left wondering how you knew he'd slept with her and that she is possibly pregnant. That changes everything. You are better off without this guy, he's a liar and a cheat. If you cant get past this, get some therapy. This is no way to have a relationship with anyone.

How old is he? How old are you? Do you ever want a decent faithful man and family? This is not that man.

Ok move back home. He treats you like trash. Get away from him and go no contact and delete and block him. He will continue to cheat, drink, throw you out on a whim, etc. Get a better life for yourself. Pull your self respect together and get out.

stayed at my mum and dads

Perhaps he was pressuring you to conceive because he knew you didn't want to, and it might force a break-up. So he could sleep with this other woman. It sounds like an engineered conflict to serve an ulterior motive, on his part.

This sounds very, very messy. And very, very dishonest—and I'm not even referring to his infidelity. That's really just the sharpest edge of the knife that's been cutting through this relationship for some time. An acute symptom of larger problems, not THE problem. And it hurts, I know. I've been there.

You guys couldn't have honest conversations about the state of things, for a long time. You couldn't have honest conversations about this "break," and what it meant. It is of course very, very hard to say something like, "I love you, I'm super confused, things have been really tough, and I'm attracted to someone else." Or: "I love you, but I want to sleep with someone else." Sometimes, in a long term relationship, just being able to say those things can bring people closer and more secure. The desire gets demystified, and suddenly action seems redundant. But that's a level of honesty that you guys don't have.

Look, if you sounded happy with his guy I'd have some pretty whimsical advice. But you sound miserable, as does he, and it's worth asking when was the last time you were truly secure in this. He can't take back what happened, how it came up, who he is. Knowing all that, what, really do you want right now? I think you'd be happier mourning this chapter so you can make space for something that feels better.

I'm sorry OP, but it sounds like your relationship has been over for awhile in that your bf has been checked out of it for some time and ready to move on. However, he is also way too much of a coward to simply end things with you. So instead, he is opting to literally torture you with bs, be mean to you, tell you that he wants kids when he knows that right now you don't (he is lying) - what he really wants is to push you over the edge where you do the breaking up.

Save yourself a lot pain, more abuse and confusion and go ahead and oblige him and dump him for good. Move out permanently and delete him from your life. All technicalities aside, he even cheated on you. Doesn't get worse than that. He has deliberately tanked this relationship and no, he isn't sorry and he isn't going to fix anything. He means to tank it.

This is gonna sound totally dysfunctional and bizarre, but when I was attending a meet-up support "therapy" group, one very insecure man with low self esteem admitted to wanting to impregnate his girlfriend, NOT because he wanted to be a dad, or even stay in the relationship, but rather because he was so insecure about his own masculinity, getting her pregnant with his sperm would "make him feel like a man."

Since hearing that, I have often wondered if this is why there are so many deadbeat dads; they never wanted to be dads, so when their kid was born, they abandoned.

Can't say that what's going on with your guy OP, but in any event, agree with others, get rid!

So, the break was about your not wanting kids?

End this, and get tested.

I can't believe the SOB didn't use a condom, and was risking your life. What a piece of garbage.

This is gonna sound totally dysfunctional and bizarre, but when I was attending a meet-up support group, one very insecure man with low self esteem admitted to wanting to impregnate his girlfriend, NOT because he wanted to be a dad, or even stay in the relationship, but rather because he was so insecure about his own masculinity, getting her pregnant with his sperm would "make him feel like a man."

 

Can't say that what's going on with your guy OP, but in any event, agree with others, get rid!

There are some men who have 5+ kids, as it makes them believe they are manly. Being manly is being a parent and providing emotional and financial support, not being a sperm donor.

What did you say to that weirdo?.

There are some men who have 5+ kids, as it makes them believe they are manly. Being manly is being a parent and providing emotional and financial support, not being a sperm donor.

 

What did you say to that weirdo?.

Agree Holly. I edited my post asking if this was possibly the reason there are so many deadbeat dads.

I didn't respond, no one did actually, just listened. He already acknowledged it was f'ed up which is what brought him to the support group in the first place. One reason anyway.

Agree Holly. I edited my post asking if this was possibly the reason there are so many deadbeat dads.

 

I didn't respond, no one did actually, just listened. He already acknowledged it was f'ed up which is what brought him to the support group in the first place. One reason anyway.

What was the group?

What was the group?

It was a "meet up" set up by a reputable psychologist in my area, a therapy support group.

We met once a week, on Tuesday evening.

I actually learned a hell of a lot about how men think from attending that group!