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Thread: Need Advice- Any Lesbians Who Came Out Latter In Life?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by girltalkCA
    Hmmmm......not very long. As an adult, probably about 3-4 months tops. But this is the first time after a break up that I'm actually looking forward to having time as a single person. Any advice for how to spend time and learn about myself? I've been reading a lot of books...recommendations?
    Great to hear you're willing to learn your strengths by spending enough time with your Self. What kinds of books are you reading? If they're focus on relationships, put those on the back burner for a while. The idea isn't to consider yourself on house arrest, but rather liberated to pursue Self development--so remove your focus from relationships and relax into your intuition about your hidden talents and unexplored interests.

    Consider learning how to grow comfortable pursuing inspiration on your own. For instance, if you love art, research art and craft shows and go walk around those to become inspired by some of the things you see. If you love antiques, go explore those events or shops. If you love hiking or team athletics or whatever, explore meetup.org groups focused on those interests. Consider volunteering for a cause or action that motivates you.

    The point is to discover your interests and learn whether you can become passionate about any of those.

    Consider reading to be an activity for a rainy day or a few inspirational paragraphs you read right before sleeping. Avoid confining yourself to living in your own head, and expand your scope in small degrees to pursue 'wandering' and exploration beyond the walls of your own home.

  2. #12

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    Hi my love,

    I am 22 years young. I came out last year in September of 2017. I always admired women growing up and had a few experiences in my early years (elementary, middle school). I started questioning myself at 11 about being attracted to women, but i never acted on it. I always liked men and dated many men in my life. Last summer I was messaged by a beautiful woman. We talked very briefly but I grew an attachment to her and we had a long distance communication for some months which ended because of distance. I wouldn't call it a relationship. I then met a woman from a mutual friend, and I fell for her. We had a 3 month fling until I started using Tinder, and met a woman who I fell very hard for. I ended up ending it with the girl i had a fling with for the girl on tinder. We lasted 10 months and it was a beautiful and wonderful relationship that alas ended. It ended a week ago due to some unhappiness on one end. I'm struggling. It's very hard and I thought I was gonna be with this girl forever. But to this day, a year and a half after being with a woman, I probably wouldnt date a man again unless it was a man who resembled bratt pitt or johnny depp. LOL women have changed my life and I dont like to be labeled as "bi". I am a proud woman. Im in the recent breakup phase and its hard. But time heals my love. I dont know what you believe in but God has a future for us and I can assure you these cuts will heal. I wish you happiness and whether your next person is temporary or forever, I hope it changes you for the better.

  3. #13

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    * I am a proud q**r women

  4. #14
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Need Advice- Any Lesbians Who Came Out Latter In Life?

    Go travel alone. Youíll find yourself very quickly. Go somewhere you donít speak the language, somewhere youíve never been before

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    Go travel alone. Youíll find yourself very quickly. Go somewhere you donít speak the language, somewhere youíve never been before
    I love to travel, been thinking that. What is it about traveling that helps a person find themselves?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by girltalkCA
    I love to travel, been thinking that. What is it about traveling that helps a person find themselves?
    You have to be alone, IMO. Being slightly lost, out of your element, finding a way to navigate a new language and culture alone, finding a way to occupy a day by yourself (even if it means meeting people) - itís work. You have to dig down a little bit to get over the initial hump. Relying on yourself makes you learn yourself.

  8. #17
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    [QUOTE]
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Great to hear you're willing to learn your strengths by spending enough time with your Self. What kinds of books are you reading? If they're focus on relationships, put those on the back burner for a while. The idea isn't to consider yourself on house arrest, but rather liberated to pursue Self development--so remove your focus from relationships and relax into your intuition about your hidden talents and unexplored interests.
    One particular book I'm reading is "How to Break Your Addiction to A Person" by Howard Halpern. One of the burning questions I have from my last relationship is why did I choose to stay in something so emotionally and physically abusive. This book provides some interesting insight about addiction to people, and where these addictions originate (usually from a childhood experience). I'm trying to work through and understand where these feelings stem from, even if it means going back to a painful/fearful place during my childhood, sitting with my feelings, and learning to navigate myself to a healthier place. I don't want to repeat the past. So kinda a relationship book, but gives some really great info on how to work on the self.


    Consider learning how to grow comfortable pursuing inspiration on your own. For instance, if you love art, research art and craft shows and go walk around those to become inspired by some of the things you see. If you love antiques, go explore those events or shops. If you love hiking or team athletics or whatever, explore meetup.org groups focused on those interests. Consider volunteering for a cause or action that motivates you.

    The point is to discover your interests and learn whether you can become passionate about any of those.
    Yes, this is good advice too. I'm trying to surround myself with things I love , slowly. I'm actually taking a short day trip by myself tomorrow, to see some Fall colors. I love being out in nature, calms me and feels peaceful. I'm also slowly starting to do the things I couldn't do while in the relationship. Staying true to who I am as a person.

    The thing that I have difficulty accepting is how my ex went NC.....completely. I know it's probably not meant to be a hurtful act, and she is probably just doing it so she can heal and move on. But I've had ex's in the past go Nc and still give me the courtesy of responding to a casual text/email regarding things or needing to clarify something. Am I wrong to expect that?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by girltalkCA
    The thing that I have difficulty accepting is how my ex went NC.....completely. I know it's probably not meant to be a hurtful act, and she is probably just doing it so she can heal and move on. But I've had ex's in the past go Nc and still give me the courtesy of responding to a casual text/email regarding things or needing to clarify something. Am I wrong to expect that?
    Trust that any answers you need will come later, once you stop gnawing the bone and move out of your own way.

    Head high.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member t1lersm0m1's Avatar
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    I tried coming out in high school but family shut me down. I just met a woman this year who piqued my interest. Things didn't work out, but I'm definitely bi!

    If it makes you feel better, I'm divorced since 2010. I've had 4 short relationships since then, nothing long term. I'm about to turn 42.

    Originally Posted by girltalkCA
    Are there any lesbians out there who came out later in life?

    I would love to hear your journeys and what helped you get through life and any guidance or suggestions for support.

    Five years ago, I divorced my husband of 15 years and came out as a lesbian. Since then, I've had 3 failed relationships with women, one just recently.

    I'm going through a period of loneliness and pain. I feel like I need to reset my life but not really sure what that looks like.

    I know I need some time alone to learn and find more of myself, but at this stage in my life, it feels like I've already arrived late and don't really know where or how I fit in anymore. I also feel like I'm having a hard time letting go of my past mistakes, hurt feelings, etc....that it may be hindering me from moving forward.

    Has anyone out there experienced something similar or can related to these feelings of loneliness and needing to start over? How does one stop dwelling in the past, let go and move forward?

    Thank you for listening.

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