Thinking about leaving Help plz

Hi

Im in need of advice

about my 11 year relationship.with 2 kids( 5yo and 7yo ) I am 39 she is 37

I am thinking about leaving her(probably wont because its the easy way), i know if not for the kids we would not be together.I'm pretty sure she feels the same way to some extend.

There is no one else and i never cheated on her.

I am not an easy person to live with mostly i think because of my ADHD( i am medicated and working on myself atm) i got no organisation,forgetful,lack self dicipline, procrastinate way too much and lack motivation.we just dont connect on anything, fight alot and no sex in forever 1y+ and when it happens its like she just want it to be over with.

Been avoiding to be alone with her for a long while, i feel like i just dont want to spend time with her.

She use to ask me why we dont get married, i told her because i dont believe in marriage ,

However i think i never did because i never felt like i wanted too.

She always was more into me than me into her (not sure i ever truly was in loved with her) i almost broke it up a few time but status quo was always easier.

She is a very good mother and overall good person and she help me have structure and organisation and i am not unhappy.

But I've been wondering if i could be truly happy with someone else.

Right now i feel like i dont want to try anymore with her, been feeling like that for over a month

The big thing is the kids,overall i think we have a good environment for them even with with the lack of affection between us.

Im sure she is not happy with our relation but i dont think she will ever do anything about it.

I also know that a break up would be much harder on her because of the pressure from her religious mom and that it might be hard for her to find someone else (she is not the most social person)

It might seems like an easy decision but for me its far from it.

Any advice would be a great help

thank you

You are not doing your kids a favor by staying together, it quite the opposite. It is very unhealthy environment for your children to experience.

Are you receiving any form of counseling, cognitive therapy in addition to your medication? have you also gotten blood tested for food sensitivities (i have add and found that its highly more manageable because i found what was not helping me0. Are you exercising? In otherwords, what exactly are you doing to "work on yourself?"

Have you considered marriage counseling? Popping out two kids with someone does not sound like you never wanted to be with her

Hi

Thank you for the anwser.

Gf is a child psychologist and was the one that told me i had an attention deficit ( Our older boy is showing signs of it too)

She never told me about cognitive therapy.

Yes got blood work done nothing stands out.

I workout about days a week, and i am in very good shape, however i do have respiratory allergy sadly medication are not helping much.

And i don't have sleep Apnea.

Made an appointment to physician to up the dosage of concerta(54mg atm) been on medication for about 6 month. Seems to not be working as good anymore

Atm im trying to cut down electronics, do meditation,vitamins and supplements and trying to do more list.

Im just not feeling it with gf

Idk why ive been thinking about it more and more lately.I dont intent to take any rush decision.

She is a great person but i dont feel connected to her and its not something new.

ADD prob dont help i feel like its quite a disability on some aspect of my life.

"i got no organisation,forgetful,lack self dicipline, procrastinate way too much and lack motivation"

I'm not understanding what woman will put up with this except one who lacks self esteem, so thinking you will find another female you will find happiness with is a bit unrealistic with your issues.

A woman usually wants to have sex with her man when he contributes his half of the chores, does his fair share in child-rearing, has a good work ethic, makes her feel special, and puts daily effort into the relationship with actions such as taking care of her when she's sick, giving her a back rub now and then, giving her compliments, and calling her when you're apart to tell her you miss her and to ask how her day is going. Plus, having adult time like date nights and coming up with new activities for the bedroom.

Yes, just like a plant that's ignored will die, so will a marriage.

Believe me, when you put in effort, she will most likely do the same, and perhaps a spark could be ignited. You've been together over a decade. Don't you think it's worth putting in major effort for a good year and also attending counseling if needed to see if you two can establish an emotional connection? If after a year you feel nothing for the woman, then sure, free her to find a man who will be crazy about her. Every person deserves that for their one precious life on this planet.

Sorry to hear this. Make sure you get a complete physical from a physician and psychiatrist to get the most accurate diagnosis and treatment.

A gf should not be diagnosing you. ADHD is often thrown around a lot but can easily be mimicking/masking anything from MS to Bipolar disorder to other neurological problems.

Did you recently meet or reconnect with someone? What inspired this need to end things when they have been problematic for a while?

It seems you have both camped in your own worlds and simply coexist coasting along as roommates. Are you interested in salvaging things or just finally leaving?

Gf is a child psychologist and was the one that told me i had an attention deficit. Made an appointment to physician to up the dosage of concerta(54mg atm) been on medication for about 6 month.

Atm im trying to cut down electronics, do meditation,vitamins and supplements and trying to do more list.

 

Im just not feeling it with gf. Idk why ive been thinking about it more and more lately. i dont feel connected to her and its not something new.

"i got no organisation,forgetful,lack self dicipline, procrastinate way too much and lack motivation"

 

I'm not understanding what woman will put up with this except one who lacks self esteem, so thinking you will find another female you will find happiness with is a bit unrealistic with your issues.

 

A woman usually wants to have sex with her man when he contributes his half of the chores, does his fair share in child-rearing, has a good work ethic, makes her feel special, and puts daily effort into the relationship with actions such as taking care of her when she's sick, giving her a back rub now and then, giving her compliments, and calling her when you're apart to tell her you miss her and to ask how her day is going. Plus, having adult time like date nights and coming up with new activities for the bedroom.

 

Yes, just like a plant that's ignored will die, so will a marriage.

 

Believe me, when you put in effort, she will most likely do the same, and perhaps a spark could be ignited. You've been together over a decade. Don't you think it's worth putting in major effort for a good year and also attending counseling if needed to see if you two can establish an emotional connection? If after a year you feel nothing for the woman, then sure, free her to find a man who will be crazy about her. Every person deserves that for their one precious life on this planet.

I might have made it look like my ADD problem are worst than they really are, i do contribute at home ( could do better for sure ) got master degree in science with a decent job,and i have been trying to engage her in some fun conversation or activities.

Im pretty sure its not just me, she has some issue too.

I ll try to force myself to make more efforts, the thing is i just dont feel like it. Not sure what to do about that

Sorry to hear this. Make sure you get a complete physical from a physician and psychiatrist to get the most accurate diagnosis and treatment.

 

A gf should not be diagnosing you. ADHD is often thrown around a lot but can easily be mimicking/masking anything from MS to Bipolar disorder to other neurological problems.

 

Did you recently meet or reconnect with someone? What inspired this need to end things when they have been problematic for a while?

 

It seems you have both camped in your own worlds and simply coexist coasting along as roommates. Are you interested in salvaging things or just finally leaving?

Im almost 100% its ADD but without the hyperactivity got family history.

I have been meeting my friends more lately and when i talk with them i see how some are really happy in their relationship.

And i know its not like that for me. Its has never been really bad but never been great.

Right now i feel like i dont want to try anymore.

It might go away with time and that why im not doing anything.

I Know other relationship might turn out the same and the grass might not be greener elsewhere.

And i got to think about the kids too

You need counseling to talk about what's going on in your relationship. Your gf may be in denial of what's going on. She should not be diagnosing you or herself. Fighting is obviously a sign of trouble in a relationship, but it's usually about control, manipulation and domination, so you need to figure out who is doing what to whom. You should give things one more try for the sake of the kids and find out what is the cause of your problems. One thing might be having kids and not getting married. It shows a lack of commitment. But I think you both need counseling.

You need counseling to talk about what's going on in your relationship. Your gf may be in denial of what's going on. She should not be diagnosing you or herself. Fighting is obviously a sign of trouble in a relationship, but it's usually about control, manipulation and domination, so you need to figure out who is doing what to whom. You should give things one more try for the sake of the kids and find out what is the cause of your problems. One thing might be having kids and not getting married. It shows a lack of commitment. But I think you both need counseling.

I think it will be for the best, she is a great person.

But good communication with her is really hard for me but ill do my best.

Its really hard to know what is best course of action and i know there is never a definitive path to chose.

Mid-life crisis at 38 idk

Its like i just dont want interaction with her (i feel bad about it but when i do, i feel like im forcing myself)

I know that the way i feel right now might change, ill give it more time.

Thank you the input

Also GF did not diagnose me,but she was the one who convince me to go see psychiatrist.

It sounds like you depend on each other a lot and neither of you is willing to leave nor improve things and seem content just coexisting and coasting along hoping things will change/improve on their own. You ignore her and she tolerates it so it seems to work on that level.

Its like i just dont want interaction with her. I know that the way i feel right now might change also, ill give it more time.

Perfect description

She had initiated talk on that problem many time. Always end up that we are going to try to do more stuff together.

The thing is she never make a effort to do what i like to do. I ask her to come to the gym.biking friend party, anything outdoor that require physical effort and many other things.

As for what she likes most are hobbies we cant do together.

The only other thing is shopping, i try to enjoy it with her but most time i end up getting mad because it takes ways to much time and she lingers way too long (i think that the fact i get often mad is ADD related).

Other than kids related stuff the

Only thing we do together is mostly Tv and movies. And again our taste are very differents