Phrasing for a text to an ex

So me and my ex ended things badly a few months ago. It ended badly because of me and my issues mainly and I know he doesn’t want to see or hear from me. I’ve been in therapy since and actually have an explanation for why things happened the way they did and I didn’t have one for when he asked months ago and I’d like to give him the option of it now. My only form of contact is through a text, what would be the best phrasing of one to give him the option of meeting up for me to give him an explanation and the closure I couldn’t give him before?

It depends a lot of the situation and your break up, but whatever you decide to do or say, be prepared for the worse outcome: to him either ignoring or not expressing desire to have this conversation.

But it's great that you're in therapy and handling your issues. That's a great step in the right direction.

I know he doesn’t want to see or hear from me

Did you dump him? If so ...

Ask yourself: "Am I doing this because he deserves an explanation, or to make me feel better? Am I doing it so I can show him I have worked on my issues? Am I just putting a toe in the water to see if I still have his attention? Is this actually about me getting closure?"

Contacting him after a few months, just so you can explain yourself, or any of the above, is just going to re-open the wounds and hurt him again. Do you really want to do that?

Maybe next year after he's had a proper chance to move on you could contact him. So write down your explanation, put it away in the drawer for 4 months, and then have another look at it.

On the other hand if you were dumped, then I wouldn't initiate any contact with him.

Its been a few months since you broke up with him.

If you know he doesn't want to see or hear from you then respect that and don't contact him.

You've been in therapy, you've grown, you can see the past in way that is clear that, at the time, was just a volcanic blur of emotion. And that's great!

But the really hard part is accepting that whole story as the truth, the truth you need, without him hearing it or validating it. So make sure you're there, which is to say you're okay with those worst case scenarios laid about by Annia: he may ignore you, may not want to have the conversation, or may not engage in the conversation in the way you hope.

Obviously, a big part of you wants to reach out because you'll feel a little better. Fine. Human. Allowed. And maybe he's in a spot where it could make him feel better too. Or maybe not. That's the gamble, and I'd sit with all that a little longer.

Four months is not long. Another four months is not long.

 

 

Four months is not long. Another four months is not long.

Yes, and to clarify, OP, when I suggested getting it out of the drawer in four months' time, if you are still unsure then about whether he has moved on, you should put it right back in there.

Sorry to hear this. Do you want to reconcile? Keep thoughts, musings, feelings, etc in the therapy sessions. Respect his desire for no contact. He may have moved on.

All the backpedaling because of whatever insights from therapy are not going to work and will most likely result in him blocking you. More excuses/reasons just with a different spin won't help, regardless of whatever self exploration you believe will change his mind. Keep your dignity and self respect and do not contact him.

I know he doesn’t want to see or hear from me.

 

I’ve been in therapy since and actually have an explanation for why things happened.

So me and my ex ended things badly a few months ago. It ended badly because of me and my issues mainly and I know he doesn’t want to see or hear from me. I’ve been in therapy since and actually have an explanation for why things happened the way they did and I didn’t have one for when he asked months ago and I’d like to give him the option of it now. My only form of contact is through a text, what would be the best phrasing of one to give him the option of meeting up for me to give him an explanation and the closure I couldn’t give him before?

I hope you didn’t text him.

RayRay said it perfectly

Please be honest with yourself about the reasons you decided to get help and why you want closure.

If all of this is an attempt to get him back he will see right through it.

If you genuinely want to have peace, give it more time. Things are still very raw.

Good luck