We call the cops on each other and he hates me now (he has NPD too)

I need some serious non judgmental counseling here!

I have been a few times in this forum, about a former ex boyfriend. Then, I came back talking about my new recent ex boyfriend.

I believe my recent ex has narcissistic personality disorder traits (a lot). After a year and half of being in a serious relationship, knowing each other’s family etc, we decided to move in together. We found a new place, and we both moved into that new place. After not even 3 weeks living together, he would constantly belittling me, putting me down, projecting his own flaws on me, gazlighting me. We had in a past prior moving in a few heated arguments but not like how it had become. Days were either super good or super bad there were no in between.

Then I realized that he was starting enjoying hurting me, he would say things like “go back to your former apartment, I don’t love you anymore, I will inform the landlord that I want you out of the lease by the end of the week and want you to take all your stuff and go!” I would answer along the line “ Baby stop hurting me we have just moved in together give it time, you know I have no were to go” he would be like don’t you have pride? You are that low that you would want to stay living with someone that doesn’t love you?!!

Why would he be so cruel? We have chosen together the new apt, we decided to move in together why after not even 3 weeks, he would want me to be kicked out. I was broke from the move, I live in a city that is utterly expensive with very little offer of apt in the market. Plus it’s extremely hard to gather all the necessary paperwork and I m a foreigner…

I was scattered in a million pieces and he kept finding any excuses to fight with me. I was lost, sad that the man that I love, that I was building a future with, suddenly stopped caring and loving. One night I couldn’t stand anymore the critics the cruelty of his speech and action. We fought physically. We both got arrested and we are now having a mutual restraining order. I didn’t want it but it was imposed by the court. He got to keep the apt, my furniture, MY bed because he could afford alone the apt and not me. I was left on the street. Thank god I had a really good friend that hosted me until; I could get few of my clothing and found a temporary studio.

He since have removed me from social media, made his family removed me except one of his brother (who still watch what I do). I m still madly in love with him. But he seems that he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. When I was escorted by the cops to get some of my belongings, he would talk through cops saying he wanted me out, that I should giving back the keys that he wanted to put a restraining order for life on me. That I was a psycho, that he had done nothing, that I had attacked him. I felt like he was trying to get a reaction out of me. Because on my first escorted visit, hearing him saying all these awful things made me burst in tears while packing the most I could.

Last visit, I didn’t shed one tear, I was well dressed and all dolled up. He did look at me, but all I could see in his eyes were anger, confusion, sadness and be annoyed. No sign of emotions on his face, just a poker face. I lost 12 pounds, I m not living anymore, I just go to work then straight to my house. I did try to go out, meet friends, which make me feel ok for the moment then when back at home I would just cry nonstop. How did he have the heart to say all these things to the cops, when I have nothing left and he is sleeping in my bed every night very comfortably while I m fighting the roaches in that filthy studio. How did he stop loving me so abruptly? I was hoping to go back to live with him and giving it another shot after our case be dismissed but he doesn’t seem that he will ever let me back in.

I would understand his pain and anger if he had been the one and only one arrested but we were both and we both facing the same charges. I love him. The no contact has been so hard because we are obliged to not communicate not even through a third party. It’s like being forced to break up and have zero closure!.

Do you think there is a chance that we could reconcile? That his anger will disappear in a month when both cases gone dismissed? Also his behavior I believe had also to do with him taking prescribed medications for sleeping and others for working longer hours? When on them he was so nice, smitten and loving and as soon as it wean off he would become very irritable and that’s when the circle of verbale abuse started happening.

I can’t afford counseling, I don’t want to be on any pills (anti depressant, anti anxiety etc) I just want to heal and hoping I can be with my baby again. It’s a real torture this situation.

Thank you all and sorry for the long story, I had to get it out of my chest!

I do not think you should pursue a relationship with this man. As for your living situation, keep trudging onward as we all do. Can you go home to your family for a time?

Is there any way you can prove you bought those things at the apartment? If so, pursue that in a small claims court.

No, I don't think there's a chance you could reconcile.

Regardless of who is right or wrong, you don't even have that option right now unless you want to add to your legal problems. You two are clearly horrible together and now his family knows it too. Even if you two somehow wound up reconnecting, I suspect they'd do whatever it took to keep him away from you and you two would likely self-destruct anyway.

Why do you expect your cases to be dismissed? What charges are you facing, exactly?

How did this fight go down? I don't ask because I'm looking to blame anyone in particular, or to suggest you two can or should reconcile, but I'm not certain you're fully grasping the severity of the restraining order or whatever the pending charges are. I don't know what country you're in, but you say you didn't want a restraining order on him, so I'd assume you didn't file a cross-request. I'm a little perplexed by a number of the details here. Was there a primary aggressor identified by the judge?

Particularly if you're a non-permanent resident, I think reconciling with this guy should be at the very bottom of your list of concerns.

Thanks I can’t disclose anything about my case as it still on going and neither which country I live in. I use English because it’s the primary language of this platform. I do grasp the severity of the order and fully comply on what has been ordered to me. As he does too. I m talking about once it will be dismissed. I had hopes that we could reconcile after it. Might people went through what I am going through . We were not self destructing each other. We didn’t find away of communicating our problems and we let it escalated to this point which I truly regret!

I m not sure if his entire family knows what has happened as for mine they do and they have no judgment on it . They loved my boyfriend very much and they are just sad of the situation that we are both facing.

As for my living situation, I had a good place before I had moved in with him. I m just not feeling ready to find a new place to live and be constrain of year lease because I m still hoping to move back with him.

As for the furniture the last thing I want to do is to get the court involved in more things and get us more in trouble. They just material things at the end of the day they can be replaced in the event that there are no hopes for us to reconcile.

I can’t go home right now because I m very busy with work but planning on going in a few months.

As for his family they did remove on some social media and kept me on others. Which makes no sense to me.

Please don’t ask more question or assuming things regarding my case. I m not here to discuss my legal issues but if my boyfriend will one day forgive me and eventually get back together, I still believe that he was the one for me.

Thank you

Please don’t ask more question or assuming things regarding my case. I m not here to discuss my legal issues but if my boyfriend will one day forgive me and eventually get back together, I still believe that he was the one for me.

Sooooo you're expecting someone on this site to ignore the fact that you call your ex an abusive narcissist, ignore the fact that there was mutual physical abuse, ignore the fact that you both have restraining orders on one another, AND on top of that to also use only the 5 paragraphs of limited information full of bias and emotion to soothe your anxiety and tell you everything will be ok?

I understand English isn't your native language but you would have had a better chance if you wrote a post titled, 'please tell me my boyfriend will be back'.

Getting back together would be the worst idea for the both of you. You should try to begin to heal from all this.

I agree. Stop hoping for a reconciliation with a man that does not make you feel valued. He disrespected you terribly and you both abused one another. You're toxic as a couple so instead of hoping and keeping yourself emotionally mired to him, accept that it's over, learn from the relationship so you don't end up within the same crappy dynamic again in the future with yet another showing "NPD traits."

Work on yourself so that you stop wanting to be with someone who disrespects and demeans you. There is something missing in anyone who wants someone like him back so figure out what it is in you that craves his type.

Your expectations are very unrealistic, OP, both with posters here and with your broken relationship.

Sorry to hear this. You need to go to social service to get help with housing, medical care, food and employment assistance. It's mutually toxic and abusive and you need to stay away. You wouldn't have gotten arrested or have a restraining order in place if you didn't have a role in the fight as well. He doesn't have to house you and you should also block, delete and get him out of your life. Worry about your survival, not reconciling to get back into an apt. Who cares if he's a narcissist, whatever? He's physically abusive and now you are homeless with an arrest record.

We fought physically. We both got arrested and we are now having a mutual restraining order. I was escorted by the cops to get some of my belongings.