Saw friend's bf on dating app

I downloaded one of the dating apps yesterday and came across him. They've been together 5 or so months and she has him on her profile pic and always posts about him. Also, they just got back from a trip.

The guy has a photo of him on said trip.

Thoughts?

They looked really happy...:/

at least she did.

It either means he's on the look or that he forgot to delete his profile after they began dating.

It either means he's on the look or that he forgot to delete his profile after they began dating.

Except that he has a photo of himself from their recent trip.

He's not only a cheating loser, he's an idiot.

He can't use the "forgot to delete the app" excuse.

I'd tell her. Screenshot every page of it, in case he lies.

I still have every screenshot of someone I know who is married.

Ask her how things are going. Is this a close friend?

I downloaded one of the dating apps yesterday and came across him. The guy has a photo of him on said trip.

She was posting about him literally two days ago, pics of them all smiling happily from their trip.

She's not a close friend no.

Oh no. I had this experience but much worse. My friend's ex messaged me on a dating site. I was on the site and was single. I absolutely did not put the pieces together because I'd only met him once in person. But, then I did and I told him that I knew his ex and we probably shouldn't meet (also because I really didn't have a good impression of him, separately). She wasn't a good friend but I'd known her since childhood. Anyway, apparently he was afraid I'd tell her (no, I wasn't going to - because I didn't know they actually had been seeing each other again or something) so he told her. And she called me and said he told her that I messaged him first and that he hadn't asked to meet me -what a jerk (they've now been married so many years).

In another case another friend's ex messaged me. I only knew him by name and never met him but I figured it out. And told him why I couldn't meet him and never told her about it. Why? But -- if there had been cheating going on -well - hmmm. Are you sure they are 100% exclusive? If you are sure then yes I might tell her. If you are not sure then I wouldn't -people have all sorts of arrangements. Sorry if my examples were off topic it's just that I've faced these kinds of issues. Someone once told me my "boyfriend" was dating someone and gave me the name. Problem was we were not exclusive and I knew he was dating others and it really hurt me to know who it was -not because he was doing anything wrong but emotionally I didn't need to know who it was and how they'd met. I wish she hadn't told me.

The awkward thing - in part - is that in that moment that she is confronted with the screenshot, she is exposed. She may feel she looks like a fool, or like she is being played. Or maybe she knows, and has just decided to deal with it: "we're not married; so long as I get him on the weekends, I'm good with it." Even in that instance, she may not want to defend that to someone else.

So... do you tell her? How? I vote no. If you know her well enough, ask if they are exclusive, in the context of a broader conversation.

The way she answers may help you understand why he is on line.

Except that he has a photo of himself from their recent trip.

 

He's not only a cheating loser, he's an idiot.

 

He can't use the "forgot to delete the app" excuse.

 

I'd tell her. Screenshot every page of it, in case he lies.

 

I still have every screenshot of someone I know who is married.

Nevermind, I missed the part where he has a picture of their trip. So yes, this is not innocent at all!

I'd tell the friend and show her the receipts in person if possible.

I mean that's a pretty ballsy move on his part. You two aren't close and she's posting profile pics and publicly gushing over him on social media after a whole 5 months like she's a teen. My gut would tell me there's more (or less) going on than you know or she'd let on. Even if not, I'd keep my nose out of it.

I posted this last year:

"Just saw friend's married father on Tinder.....OMG"

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=541393

I was strongly advised by most to say nothing.

However, if I was the female, I'd want to know, painful though it may be.

So you make the call.

She's my friend and has said they were in a relationship months ago. This isn't just some random. They are definitely together.

Oh my that’s the worst and a tough call! I would personally act like you didn’t even see it or know about it. Because these things have a way of surfacing on their own.

She might not want to believe it or make up an excuse for him and be angry at you.

I do know some people use other people’s pictures to catfish. My friends husbands pictures have been used all over dating sites with different names.

Maybe that happened?

Nah the age, name and occupation is right so.

And he's not that attractive so doubt it. Sigh

Nah the age, name and occupation is right so.

And he's not that attractive so doubt it. Sigh

Awe :-( Is There anyway if you were to tell her you could screenshot the dating profile for proof? Or send a link?

I just remembered that I did tell a friend her boyfriend was cheating on her. I saw the guy making out with a different girl at the movies. It was the hardest thing I had to do but she was grateful I let her know.

I take back the not saying anything. I think you should let her know. Sounds like they haven’t been together too long. I know she will hurt but she may be grateful to you for the heads up.

My vote is to not tell her, simply because more often than not this ends up being a case of shoot the messenger, where you become the enemy.

Of course, although the opinions may differ, it's totally your call.

I've been dating someone for two years we both still have profiles on dating sites ..... We haven't got around to deleting them as we can't remember our pass words. I've just blocked the notifications from my email.

Tough situation, but my vote is you stay out of it.

Maybe he's a sleaze, as a lot of evidence shows. Or maybe it's something they've talked about, because relationships are strange and mysterious. Or maybe the app is connected to a social media account, and updates the photos from it, as I believe Tinder once did or maybe still does. Or maybe he is in some momentary insecure slump, acted out in a silly way, isn't actually messaging on there, and is going to delete the profile and 48 hours when he catches himself being an idiot. Or maybe...

In other words, who knows? And even what seems clear quickly becomes a volcano of drama.

I went through something similar in my last relationship, at right around the 5 month mark. This was back when dating apps were new, and I was telling a friend about meeting my current gf on Tinder. My friend wanted to see Tinder, so I redownloaded it, did some swiping, just to show my friend what it was all about. Well, it wasn't but a few hours, maybe a day, when I got an angry text from my gf, who had heard about me being on there from a friend who saw my profile. Cue really annoying, unneeded drama.

Not saying this is the same—that trip photo is the big record scratch. Still, my feeling is stay out. These things work themselves out.

It could go both ways...I am on the fence for advice..

I posted a long time ago where my friend found one of my exes on POF (we were dating at the time). It was the

final straw. I had a gut feeling something was up and it just made my decision to end it

so much easier.

but i once told one of my close friend his girl was on a dating site and pretty much it got turned around on me

some how and are friendship pretty much wasnt the same since. It really doesnt

matter to me now but at the time i felt kinda hurt when all i did was try to look out

for a friend..

so I dk but it could go both ways with the response. Sadly sometimes people

are so grateful.

He's using posts of pics with his current GF on a trip to get dates?

This a pretty tough spot to be in.

Let's reverse this situation and take it further. Imagine you found out that your boyfriend was cheating and your friend had known all along about it but decided not to tell you. How would you feel about your friend?

Personally, I would not consider her a good friend at all.

[EXCEPTIONS: There was a solid reason for not being able to speak about it such as said boyfriend is her manager at work, they are besties, related or something to that extent.]

Should you choose to tell her, do not dis her boyfriend. Facts should speak for themselves. Plus, there could genuinely be a valid reason for this - you never know! Furthermore, you don't know how she might react. She might justify his actions and deny this is true, not break up with her boyfriend and forgive him, etc.

Decide which action is the kind of action you would take, and own that decision one way or the other. It's not really fair that you were exposed to the information, but not doing with it is now a choice too, and not one to be taken lightly.

Did her bf contact you on this dating app? Are these social media observations or do you actually know her in person and does she confide in you? Don't stir up drama if she is not a close friend. If she is not someone who considers you a close friend or confides in you then stay out of it. Is there any reason you want to be the messenger of bad news?

She's not a close friend no.

Did her bf contact you on this dating app? Are these social media observations or do you actually know her in person and does she confide in you? Don't stir up drama if she is not a close friend. If she is not someone who considers you a close friend or confides in you then stay out of it. Is there any reason you want to be the messenger of bad news?

Good points. If it's a good friend, then yes, I'd advise you tell.

In the case that I pointed to, my thread where I saw someone who I know is married on Tinder, I did not tell. Why? Because I barely know his wife. I only know her, actually, through social circumstances with her husband, and I know her husband much better. In my case, if I were to tell anyone, it would be the husband, but I believe he knows I saw him (he sent me a random "Hi, how's it going" Facebook message seconds after I saw it, so I think he saw me too).

I did not want to simply be this messenger with bad news, for a woman I barely know. But if she were a close friend, I'd have told her.

So it's not black & white.

It's one of those dating apps where you have to swipe left or right, in which I obviously swiped left.

As mentioned she's a friend I know in person (obviously). I don't just call anyone a friend. I've met her bf a few times and we've had lunch and dinner together and she's brought her bf along with her.

I don't know why but your post sounds almost aggressive. I don't want to be the messenger because I've had experiences with that and it backfired on me. When all I wanted to do was help a friend keep away from a dck of a bf and in the end she blamed it on me.

She later apologised but things weren't the same after.

Did her bf contact you on this dating app? Are these social media observations or do you actually know her in person and does she confide in you? Don't stir up drama if she is not a close friend. If she is not someone who considers you a close friend or confides in you then stay out of it. Is there any reason you want to be the messenger of bad news?

I'd tell her. I'd want to be told. If she can't handle it, oh well. But I'd at least give the lady a choice.