How to proceed after two good dates with a girl?

Hi pals! I've been out of the forum for several months, enjoying my single status (finally, after struggling to accept it for so long) and now I'm back with some questions which boggle my mind.

I met a girl last week through social media (yeah, how "cool" : D ) and we agreed on a date while texting (spontaneously). The date was great! I think it was the best first date of all that I've had for the past year and a half. Everything was going fluently, no pushing for anything from either side, just enjoying the natural flow of things. We did several different things - went for a walk in the park, ate some pizza, attended a nearby concert for a while which was held in an open space, etc. The date was going progressively better and better and I didn't realize how we went from complete strangers to people who walk together hand in hand, hugging, kissing... She was even laying on me while on a bench in the park and I was caressing her hair... Pure magic, like I was dreaming She asked me what my intentions were and I assured her that I want a serious relationship and nothing less. She then asked if I thought that we can make it happen because of our different lifestyles (I am more calm, relaxed and "home" person while she likes to go out at parties, drink and have fun). I told her honestly that I can't promise her anything, that I liked her and wanted to try but only time can tell us. She then agreed to just go with the flow and see what happens, after all we were feeling good and there was no much room for serious thinking (I am usually guilty of overanalyzing and thinking about things but this time I decided to let things happen naturally).

She called me the next day and we agreed on going to another concert (she invited me) and that was even greater! We were behaving like bf/gf from the beginning - going hand in hand or walking embraced, kissing and touching frequently. She even won some prize on the stage which I recorded on her phone and shared the happiness with her afterwards, like we were really together for a long time After that we were again sitting on a bench at the park kissing and hugging the whole evening. We talked about seeing each other at the end of the week because of our busy schedules and parted ways.

The next evening she called me again to check me (I am sending her a couple of texts a day just to let her know I am thinking of her) which was really nice of her and we discussed how the day went for either of us (just the usual stuff).

So now I am feeling a little bit uneasy. There are too many things that haven't happened to me in ages, I mean good things. Like it's too good to be true. I just don't know how to act, I am very rusty (I haven't started a relationship since 2013 ) and afraid of screwing things up. Like walking on eggshells. I like the girl and want to have the best possible chance for getting to know her but I feel socially dumb - like how often should I contact her, when should we become intimate (eventually), would it be a bad thing to give her a flower on a 3rd date and so on... I feel like I have to be perfect in order to have a chance and my lack of experience and insecurities are adding up to the problem. What do I do?

Just set up a third date and see how it goes.

I will try to, but at the meantime the demons inside my head are eating me out What/how/when should I do X/Y/Z and so on... I don't want to miss this chance because this is the person which I've had the most pleasant dates with for the past year and a half (and I've been on dates with more that 20 girls for that time).

Yes, flowers :) That'd be sweet for the third date.

Don't overthink it. Text her and call her when it feels appropriate, but don't suffocate her. It sounds like you have been doing this in moderation already, so good job! As for the intimacy, again, this will come naturally. Don't force anything. If it feels right in the moment go for it. There is no rule about when a relationship progresses because every relationship is different. Bottom line, just do what feels right and be yourself. Good luck!

Just know it's normal to feel a little nervous at the beginning of a relationship, even for people who are more confident in their dating skills. She seems to think you're doing just fine right now, and making a small progression by gifting her with a flower or a bouquet would be a nice gesture. Don't think of how you have to be perfect, as it's usually about how two people fit together or not. Just because you're not right for one person, doesn't mean the another person will think the same thing. Either you will be a good match or not, and like you said to her, only time will tell.

Just make sure you keep a full life of hobbies/interests, hanging out with guy friends, and having an independent life besides having a woman. Because making a woman the sole center of your universe will have her feeling smothered. If you have a full life, she will be more attracted to you because you will be a more interesting person to her when you have your own things going on. Let her take the lead on when you become intimate, and try to read her signals for progression. I'd say that when she's ready to have you over to her place for dinner, then maybe she's reached a comfort level with you that intimacy might be the next step. I hope everything continues to go well for you. Good luck.

Well....you set up a third date.

Other than that, butterflies and a little anxiety is all good. However, absolutely do not try to be perfect. Just be you. Breathe, relax. You had fun on two dates, so just continue. That's all. Any kind of trying to be perfect, afraid to mess up, walking on eggshells type behavior from you will come across badly and fake to her. Do NOT be afraid to laugh at yourself and your foibles because that's what's endearing to people.

Regarding flowers, honestly it depends. If you are picking her up at her place and you want to bring flowers - great. If you are meeting out somewhere, thencarrying flowers around will be very awkward for her, so hold off on that thought. In other words, don't try too hard, get out of your head and just be present in the moment. Do what seems right at that point and don't plan and scheme ahead on how it should be, because that can and will make things awkward for you as you miss real life moments and cues.

Thank you all for the advices! Meanwhile she called me again, after finishing work. We talked for some time and agreed to arrange a date in the next few days. She told me she is not a big fan of texting and she prefers to hear the other person on the phone. So now it seems she is calling me every evening and it feels good Not to sound egotistic but it alleviates at least a little bit the pressure I am imposing on myself thinking about all these stupid things

Thank you all for the advices! Meanwhile she called me again, after finishing work. We talked for some time and agreed to arrange a date in the next few days. She told me she is not a big fan of texting and she prefers to hear the other person on the phone. So now it seems she is calling me every evening and it feels good Not to sound egotistic but it alleviates at least a little bit the pressure I am imposing on myself thinking about all these stupid things

Well, she certainly likes you a lot and she seems pretty forward. So the good news for you is that when a woman is already into you like that, you can do no wrong. Relax and maybe just make a point of reciprocating and giving her a call here and there as well. Don't leave her to do all the initiating. Appreciate the fact that she'll tell you directly what she does and doesn't like but also pay attention. She says she likes calls better, so call her after work instead of texting. Leave a vm if she can't pick up, etc. Enjoy and have fun!

A little update...

Date #3 was great as well! We went to another concert and became even closer to each other. We kissed and hugged all the time. She invited a friend of hers and introduced me. She was even making plans for us to meet regularly through the weekdays and was thinking about the future. We agreed to go on a picnic two days later and parted ways.

Date #4 was magical. We went to some place by the river and had a picnic. 5 hours went like a moment. We were laying on the blanket, looking at the nature, kissing and hugging, she was all over me and we were touching constantly. She even gave me a massage, it was like some fairy tale... She told me several times during the previous dates that she is in that time of the month (so I know that we can't be intimate at the time, if I wanted to) but she hopes in the next couple of days everything will be fine. I guess that information was given to me because we were very touchy and all over each other, apparently there was some sexual attraction (she was even often biting me here and there and doing some other crazy stuff ). I enjoyed very much her closeness and invited her home for the evening while we were still by the river, saying that we won't "do" anything and can just enjoy our company, hugging and kissing and sleeping together (without doing anything other). She thought about it for a moment and agreed. I gave her a ride to her place and told her I was going to be back to get her to my place later that evening. An hour later, when I was at home, she gave me a call and told me her sister had asked her to take care of her little child so she couldn't be with me like we'd agreed. She asked me if I was angry/resentful with that and that she would free the next day after 5 p.m. so we can go out on a date. I told her that there was no problem, but nevertheless I didn't know if she was honest with me. I don't know if I had the right to be suspicious about her story, I knew her for a week and we haven't build trust yet, that was my emotion at the moment. Not angriness or resentment but a little doubt/uncertainty.

Never mind, the next day (yesterday) I was thinking about if I had somehow insulted or repelled her with that invitation of mine. Although in my mind I really would enjoy her company and I did it with all the best motives, I liked her. I texted her to see what's going on and it turned out she was taking a walk in the park with her sister. She seemed to not be cold towards me. Although when I sent her some virtual kisses she just thanked me. I asked if there were some kisses for me, too (how desperate), and she told me she would give them to me in person.

Later in the evening she was nowhere to be found, she didn't text me or call me so I messaged her if we would go out like we'd discussed the previous day. The message is not seen up to now, almost a day later. I tried calling her but nobody picked up the phone.

Now I feel like being ghosted and my insecurities are piling up. I feel very uncertain and I am trying to rationalize what has happened. I don't find logical reason and would be grateful for some advice or just some encouraging words. Thank you!

It's a very common mistake to attempt to move it to bed too soon. Jumping the gun because you misread things and got too horny. It could mark you as "one of those guys who just want to get in her pants". Date 4 is too soon for many women and you need to let the woman bring that type of thing up.

If she responds, do not bring up your place and sleeping together. Just ask her out on a date.

I enjoyed very much her closeness and invited her home for the evening while we were still by the river, saying that we won't "do" anything and can just enjoy our company, hugging and kissing and sleeping together.

 

An hour later, when I was at home, she gave me a call and told me her sister had asked her to take care of her little child so she couldn't be with me

I don't think I tried to move it to bed too soon, after all 4 dates is sufficient I guess. But even then, I didn't insist on anything, she was the horny one and she is definitely straightforward in that aspect. I mean she is even "agressive" and if she wasn't "unavailable" I am 99% sure that we would have had sex until now. But that wasn't my goal and I told her that on the first date, too, when she asked me. I want a serious relationship and I thought it would be a nice evening home without being intimate.

Really. Then explain why she was suddenly "busy" and has ignored your communication?

I don't think I tried to move it to bed too soon, after all 4 dates is sufficient I guess. I am 99% sure that we would have had sex until now.

That's what I'm trying to understand. I don't realize how that would be such a dealbreaker to somebody who is all over me, touching me everywhere, biting me, licking the inside of my ear and basically screaming "sex" while I am behaving to the best of my knowledge? And even then - she can communicate that she feels pushed or something like that. I mean verbally, not by ghosting all of a sudden...

As mentioned, you misread/misinterpreted flirting/affection because You were horny...and you blew it by asking her to "sleep over and cuddle" by the 4th meeting. Don't be this naive about women. Why can't you wait?

basically screaming "sex"

I don't think this has anything to do with you inviting her to your place. It's quite normal to have sex or get more intimate in the 4th date for some women, although you need to have a 'feel' for that. If you were making out heavily in the picnic, she doesn't strike me as someone who would need to wait too long for sex, in my opinion.

I think you're just too desperate and all over her messaging and overly available. Every time she doesn't respond to you, you seem to get even more anxious and start freaking out, calling her and asking for 'virtual kisses'.

My suggestion is that you hold on this a bit, go do other things, try to 'forget' about her a bit. Let her come to you, act busy, but if she calls/messages, ask her on a date. Don't keep messaging her the whole day or calling too much. Try to be a bit mysterious, show her that you actually have a fun life and other things and people that take up your time. Your needy behaviour is clearly turning her off. She might have picked up on that already but I think there's still time to 'save' this. But you gotta stop smothering her or you will likely get ghosted.

Of course I can wait. My invitation was for that particular evening and when she apologized herself, I didn't insist. It's not a problem for me and I haven't pressured her. I just don't understand how that single event could screw up the whole situation. After all, I am not perfect and I guess I can make some mistakes here and there. But overall I've done my best with her and I can't say I could be better than that. If she disappears over a thing like that, I really can't change her mind but I can't blame myself, too.

I don't think this has anything to do with you inviting her to your place. It's quite normal to have sex or get more intimate in the 4th date for some women, although you need to have a 'feel' for that. If you were making out heavily in the picnic, she doesn't strike me as someone who would need to wait too long for sex, in my opinion.

 

I think you're just too desperate and all over her messaging and overly available. Every time she doesn't respond to you, you seem to get even more anxious and start freaking out, calling her and asking for 'virtual kisses'.

 

My suggestion is that you hold on this a bit, go do other things, try to 'forget' about her a bit. Let her come to you, act busy, but if she calls/messages, ask her on a date. Don't keep messaging her the whole day or calling too much. Try to be a bit mysterious, show her that you actually have a fun life and other things and people that take up your time. Your needy behaviour is clearly turning her off. She might have picked up on that already but I think there's still time to 'save' this. But you gotta stop smothering her or you will likely get ghosted.

Honestly, I didn't act needy up to now. She was the one calling me every evening and she was "chasing" me. That's why her sudden change puzzled me and I freaked out. After all, her behaviour doesn't make sense to me given what I've seen from her until yesterday.

These dates happen the same. It’s like clockwork. I don’t see how you don’t see your pattern...

Whoever said ‘it’s quite normal’ to have sex on the 4th date. That type of attitude, of expectation, is what leads to unsafe situations for women. There is no timeline to be followed. You follow each others lead whether it’s date 1 or 17. Fastest way to chase a woman away is to put her on a sex timeline...yikes...

It's all about perception not some "third date rule". If she gets the idea in her head that you're a wolf "after one thing", you're toast. Learn this.

I just don't understand how that single event could screw up the whole situation. If she disappears over a thing like that, I really can't change her mind.

It appears you don't read what I am writing here, so let me explain it one more time (hope you get it): I didn't have timeline for being intimate. I was just enjoying her company at the picnic and decided (spontaneously) to invite her for the evening to have some pleasant experience (excluding sex). And, believe me, if I say we won't be intimate and that's not my goal, IT IS like that. I can be with a woman at home and not have sex with her (although some of the "alpha male" society may call me , beta or whatever). Not that I don't have the desire but I am looking for an emotional connection first and I enjoy every moment spent with her. I thought inviting her home would bring some variety to our "relationship" (whatever you call it) because all the other dates were going to some concert or at the park. I really wanted to spend a pleasant and calm evening with her because I am such kind of person (I enjoy such relaxed activities). And she wasn't even "technically" available (not in the "classic" way) so why would I bother to ruin my chances with her if I had some ulterior motive?? Call me naive and unexperienced but I did what I knew best - to follow my instinct and to offer what I thought would be a nice at that moment. Call me even more naive but I BELIEVE it would be thoughtful of her to at least tell me that she felt pressured or whatever and to tell me that she don't want to see me anymore. At least this is what I do when I am the one rejecting. Communicating, not through hiding and expecting the other one to take the hint (yes, I am), but through an honest single sentence that makes it clear and shows you are a respectful person.

It's all about perception not some "third date rule". If she gets the idea in her head that you're a wolf "after one thing", you're toast. Learn this.

Maybe I have represented myself incorrectly, but her seeing me as a "wolf" is totally her problem. I cannot make her believe what type of person I am. And I cannot make up for some "wolfs" from her past. I too have some negative experience but I don't project some women stereotypes onto her...

These dates happen the same. It’s like clockwork. I don’t see how you don’t see your pattern...

 

Whoever said ‘it’s quite normal’ to have sex on the 4th date. That type of attitude, of expectation, is what leads to unsafe situations for women. There is no timeline to be followed. You follow each others lead whether it’s date 1 or 17. Fastest way to chase a woman away is to put her on a sex timeline...yikes...

You're the one who's putting a forced timeline by implying 4th date is too soon. I only said it's normal. Having sex on the first or the 17th date are all considered normal to me and I wouldn't judge based on that alone. Each person is different, it's all about proper communication and 'feeling' it too. And respect, obviously.

Unsafe situations for women arise mostly due to lack of character from men. I said it's a normal thing to have sex on the 4th date, not that it should be expected. These are quite different things.

You're the one who's putting a forced timeline by implying 4th date is too soon. I only said it's normal. Having sex on the first or the 17th date are all considered normal to me and I wouldn't judge based on that alone. Each person is different, it's all about proper communication and 'feeling' it too. And respect, obviously.

 

Unsafe situations for women arise mostly due to lack of character from men. I said it's a normal thing to have sex on the 4th date, not that it should be expected. These are quite different things.

Except no where in my post was that said....

What I said was you follow eachothers lead whether it’s date 1 or 17.

You would have noticed that if you weren’t doing your typical dating shtick.

You go on a few dates you perceive her pulling away.

You panic post on here and get snappy at us.

You continue to date and either keep chasing until you’re blue in the face or you realize she isn’t pulling away so you find a reason to bail.

Rinse wash repeat. She will either reject you keeping you stuck on her or she will accept you pushing you away.

Don’t get snappy at me because you don’t want to seek help for your commitment issues, dude.

Did she ever respond to you? 📞 Were you able to set up another date? 💕

No. 🐺 Being too forward and seen as a wolf is Your problem because girls will avoid you.

her seeing me as a "wolf" is totally her problem.