Well she text me

Most of you know all the details. I haven’t reached out to her at all since she came to get her dog 8/18. 2 days later she text me asking if I had caught him chewing up stuff, I responded with a joke, she responded with an “lol” and I never responded.

So I haven’t initiated any contact at all, that’s been about 3.5 weeks and then this past Friday she text me a picture from Facebook of some group about Pitbulls 2 dogs that looks just like my dogs, saying this looks just like your dogs. I responded haha yeah it does hope Griffin (her dog) hasn’t been chewing up more stuff. She says he has, complained about him chewing up bras and shoes, then told me she finally got her final divorce judgment (she still owes me $300 but no mention about that).

So this piqued my curiosity so I go and look at her FB page like a dummy and there’s pictures of her and her kids and this girl she’s started “hooking up” with (her words) or obviously they’re like dating now or whatever out at a local attraction having “Sunday Funday” And it even includes pictures but f just the two of them all cuddly with there heads together.

I just don’t get it, it’s fine I’ve been trying to move on and haven’t reached out to her in months except to respond to her...why did she text me on Friday? If she’s doing so great with her new girlfriend then what’s the reason to text me at all?

Never should’ve looked it’s like I’ve just taken a leap backwards, although to be honest it’s not like I’ve healed at all these past few months anyways I’m still just as messed up as i have been. I just don’t see what the point is of her texting me besides just trying to see if I’ll respond or just trying to stay on my radar i someone and know that I’ll respond so I can be her safety net.

Heartbreak really f’ing sucks

"I just don’t see what the point is of her texting me besides just trying to see if I’ll respond or just trying to stay on my radar i someone and know that I’ll respond so I can be her safety net."

Well, it seems as you know why she reached out...

Shes so unhealthy she may very well want you back or she may be keeping you as another option or maybe she plans to hop from her to you. Wouldnt put it past her. She is not relationship material, your past posts you are always saying, well I didnt know! Well now you have full disclosure of who she is, WHY do you still want her?

I just don’t see what the point is of her texting me besides just trying to see if I’ll respond or just trying to stay on my radar i someone and know that I’ll respond so I can be her safety net.

She knows she can play this game, simply because she can, while knowing that you haven't blocked her.

Going back to your posts in 2013 and 2018, they are exactly the same type of women. Irresponsible, unorganized, have no direction or are stable in any way and these you purposely chose these two girls to be with and I have to ask why?

Do you feel like you are a rescuer? Are these the type of women you feel you deserve or you feel these are the best you can get? Both had money issues--you helped. Both were disorganized--You helped. Both were going thru a hard time in their lives--You helped. A relationship is supposed to add or enhance your happiness. You picked women who were toxic and lets face it.. demanded a lot of attention. Did you look at them as beneath you or one that if you help you could have some control over? Help me understand why you chose these women?

It wasn't the sex, it wasn't that they provided you with happiness, they couldn't contribute financially. So what was it?

Understand something: when people act on impulse, including sending a text on impulse, it need not have a purpose nor meaning.

It is just an impulse, an act, then poof onto the next source of distraction.

She sent that text because you haven't talked to her in 3.5 weeks so therefore you are probably on her mind more. So she reached out to see if you were still on the hook in some way. She may want this other girl but wants you on the hook, just in case...

Don't understand why you still haven't blocked?

I do not understand what you get from the women that you choose as partners! There is a serious pattern of choosing women who are untrustworthy and complete losers. What attracts YOU to this dynamic?

Are you still paying for the apartment?

The reason for her texting doesn't matter. Women like that are extremely toxic and they don't change. I made the mistake of dating one woman like that, never again. You know why she's texting you, you said it, safety net, safety blanket, fall back plan, guaranteed shelter/meal ticket, whatever you want to call it. That's why. Sending you positive vibes with your heartache, I hope it fully heals, but be better to yourself. You deserve that.

Block.

Her.

Now.

RayRay has this ;)

"I just don’t see what the point is of her texting me besides just trying to see if I’ll respond or just trying to stay on my radar i someone and know that I’ll respond so I can be her safety net."

 

Well, it seems as you know why she reached out...

Suppose I answered my own question...

Shes so unhealthy she may very well want you back or she may be keeping you as another option or maybe she plans to hop from her to you. Wouldnt put it past her. She is not relationship material, your past posts you are always saying, well I didnt know! Well now you have full disclosure of who she is, WHY do you still want her?

I don’t know...I still have feelings for her. I know I struggle with moving on more than many people and am very emotional...and I’ve been single for so much of my adult life. Plus I know I didn’t accept her and her flaws and nit picked and criticized her a lot. It’s almost like deep down I just want to be unhappy as if something is just wrong with my brain.

Cant you see a pattern? You criticized her flaws and nit picked at her and you did the exact same thing with the previous GF. I remember you said you were at a wedding reception and you thought your GF looked retarded giving the speech and compared her to another girl who gave a better speech. You nit picked and criticized her as well.

Does it make you feel better to do this? Must be nice to be living the perfect and ideal life that you can sit on your cloud of judgment and criticized the women you chose to be with.

Or are you so upset with your life that you take it out on your GFs and project your inner criticisms on them?

I would say seeing a professional would help you. You are just not happy unless your life has drama.

It sounds like you pick these types of women due to the fact that you are emotionally abusive and like to control - paying rent.

Are you in therapy?

Things are never as they seem on social media. That's something I've learned. If everything was fine in paradise there would be no reason to text you, hypothetically. Usually it's to gauge interest. Sometimes while they won't pursue you or don't have plans to, they do want to see if they can still have you if they ever wanted. Sometimes its a bit of an ego stroke thing. The more care free you behave, the better it looks on you. Rather than read into it, just take it at face value. Just like someone that wasn't emotionally invested would do. And maybe, eventually you can get there for real. You deserve better.

My person has been just as confusing over the months since the BU. I made a point to stop looking at social media for the most part and it helps a lot. Remove triggers and you remove suffering and reminders. Or keep them around long enough to become numb/apathetic to them. A lot more suffering that way though, so I recommend the former. You haven't taken any leap back, you're allowed hiccups. Have to be easier on yourself through this. It's not a linear progression and it isn't supposed to be.

I think a dumper often feels the need to prove to themselves and others (you) that they made the right decision. So they'll feel more inclined to showcase their attempt at moving on. In turn, I think what is posted ends up being less representative of the whole picture.

I think a dumper often feels the need to prove to themselves and others (you) that they made the right decision. So they'll feel more inclined to showcase their attempt at moving on. In turn, I think what is posted ends up being less representative of the whole picture.

This ^^^^

One of my X's friends asked, about 5 months ago, if I ever read the X's blog. Forgotten she had one, says I. Which was actually true.

Had a look at it the other day. Last post was about 5 months ago.

What silly games they play.

Don't understand why you still haven't blocked?

 

I do not understand what you get from the women that you choose as partners! There is a serious pattern of choosing women who are untrustworthy and complete losers. What attracts YOU to this dynamic?

 

Are you still paying for the apartment?

No I am not paying anything for her any more

Cant you see a pattern? You criticized her flaws and nit picked at her and you did the exact same thing with the previous GF. I remember you said you were at a wedding reception and you thought your GF looked retarded giving the speech and compared her to another girl who gave a better speech. You nit picked and criticized her as well.

Does it make you feel better to do this? Must be nice to be living the perfect and ideal life that you can sit on your cloud of judgment and criticized the women you chose to be with.

Or are you so upset with your life that you take it out on your GFs and project your inner criticisms on them?

I would say seeing a professional would help you. You are just not happy unless your life has drama.

Believe me I don't feel good about it looking back. As far as my previous ex being judgmental of her speech it was d!(kish, as far as the recent one, everything I nitpicked or criticized her about was related to her not getting a job, over drawing her bank, not keeping up with bills, etc. So it wasn't like I was doing it to be an a$$hole, I was doing it with good intentions, i.e. trying to make her have a better and more stable life. However the road to hell is paved with good intentions and I am not supposed to be her dad or teacher you have to let people fail and learn from their own mistakes, which I know now. But when you're in the middle of it, and you care about someone who is messing up their own life, it's hard to step back and see the forest, when she's constantly smashing into trees.

I think part of it is indeed not being happy with myself and being to hard on myself due to being raised in an alcoholic family, and yes I am in therapy

She text me again yesterday "Oh I am driving by your house I think I see you outside washing your truck" and then "oh LOL guess not it's just some clothes on the line"...I do live right off a rather major road and supposedly her kids new day care is somewhere nearby so she's not doing drive-byes. This time I just never responded...

Things are never as they seem on social media. That's something I've learned. If everything was fine in paradise there would be no reason to text you, hypothetically. Usually it's to gauge interest. Sometimes while they won't pursue you or don't have plans to, they do want to see if they can still have you if they ever wanted. Sometimes its a bit of an ego stroke thing. The more care free you behave, the better it looks on you. Rather than read into it, just take it at face value. Just like someone that wasn't emotionally invested would do. And maybe, eventually you can get there for real. You deserve better.

 

My person has been just as confusing over the months since the BU. I made a point to stop looking at social media for the most part and it helps a lot. Remove triggers and you remove suffering and reminders. Or keep them around long enough to become numb/apathetic to them. A lot more suffering that way though, so I recommend the former. You haven't taken any leap back, you're allowed hiccups. Have to be easier on yourself through this. It's not a linear progression and it isn't supposed to be.

 

I think a dumper often feels the need to prove to themselves and others (you) that they made the right decision. So they'll feel more inclined to showcase their attempt at moving on. In turn, I think what is posted ends up being less representative of the whole picture.

Thank you, yes I have fully realized now that I cannot look at her FB or IG at all, it is wayyy too painful

This ^^^^

 

One of my X's friends asked, about 5 months ago, if I ever read the X's blog. Forgotten she had one, says I. Which was actually true.

 

Had a look at it the other day. Last post was about 5 months ago.

 

What silly games they play.

Oh yeah she certainly likes games and drama. Like your quote btw I feel like it may likely describe my situation. I could end up getting her back and then quickly realizing

"yep, I don't actually like or want this"

The truck thing was a breadcrumb. Glad you ignored it.