I'm failing at my job

I'm 39; I'm a chemist-turned software application admin. I was in an application support role for about a year and a half working with this data management software that labs are using to go paperless, when the pharm. company I was at for 15 yrs went under. I got into the software role because that company thought I was good at the various softwares we were using, and I loved it. Well, it came to an end and I got hired by another company that is a far drive, that is known for being somewhat cheap but the people are really nice.

When they hired me they knew my level of experience and I asked them twice if I was going to have to build the software, because I didn't know how. They said that part would be done by a consultant and they wanted me for implementation and system support, change control, etc.; all things I know how to do. However when I started, the system is so configurable, and the base system created by the consultant wasn't acceptable, so they had me making all kinds of changes (building the system). The consultant sexually harassed me (yay :( ) so I was able to get him out of there. I was glad because I found many mistakes he made and he was lazy and on FB, Amazon, whatever, on our dime.

Since then I've been pouring through hundreds of pages of manuals and spending 70-80 hrs a week trying to get this thing put together. It's killing me. I just found out I made a mistake that might have screwed up a big part of our system :( I called my mom and cried. I don't know what to do anymore, they are being nice to me at that place but I don't know if it's something I can undo and I can't take it any more. I have almost a year's worth of special knowledge about the system and we're about to go through a many months long validation/rollout. I know they'll be angry if I tell them I want to quit. I don't have anything else lined up yet- I didn't want to leave them in the lurch so I wasn't looking yet. However I now suffer from insomnia from stress and today I couldn't eat because I know I broke something (because I am not experienced enough to do this). I can't roll it back either, believe it or not. I asked the IT guy about that and for some reason we didn't do a snapshot.

My question is, how do I tell my boss it isn't working out and I want to leave. They need me to transfer what I know to the validation team and teach somebody all the ins and outs, which would take many months. They are going to be pissed for all of those months. Hey, I broke it and I want out. Maybe I just never go back in?? Haha. Ughhhh.

Hi Dunder, sorry you're going through this. I think you have to make yourself a priority right now. You're stressed, you're tired, and you don't like your job, right?

Speaking from experience, I'll say this: Two years ago, I moved to a new city and started working at a new company. I was working until 9 p.m. or 10 p.m. at night, just trying to get work done. A colleague from another department (and who has been working there since the 90's) came back from a meeting, saw me working, and said: "What are you doing here so late at night? You should be at home. Trust me, no one's going to notice you working here late at night and killing yourself. Go home". A year into starting this new job, there was a huge lay-off. I wasn't let go, but some of my friends were, as well as people I had never met, but I knew they had families and some were single parents. You get the picture. Within a week of the lay-off, I came across a quote online that made me think - "You're killing yourself for a job that would replace you within a week if you dropped dead. Take care of yourself".

I realize that you take your job seriously, that you want to do good work and that don't want to leave the company hanging, but you have to look out for yourself. It's easier to find employment while you are still employed. Start looking for another job, stat! Sure, your boss may be upset if you leave, but you have to look out for number #1. We are all replaceable, and they will find someone else. It sounds like you're more worried about what your boss will think if you leave than your own health and well-being. This is a skewed way of thinking. Look after yourself first!

You're right Milly, I've been getting a lot of that lately about my health. I told my sister that if anything happened, she should write on my gravestone "it wasn't worth it" haha. Thanks for your wise words; I really do care too much about what people think.

You're right Milly, I've been getting a lot of that lately about my health. I told my sister that if anything happened, she should write on my gravestone "it wasn't worth it" haha. Thanks for your wise words; I really do care too much about what people think.

Hi Dunder - good luck! Just look after yourself. It’s easy to lose perspective when all you’re trying to do is keep your head above water. I know what a work schedule like that is like, and it gets to a point where you’re so stressed, tired and overworked that you can’t see straight and you lose objective. At the end of the day, the company/workplace doesn’t care about you and your health. They only care about the bottom dollar. Don’t mean to sound cynical, but it’s the reality of the situation.

I would say that you tell the boss you need to hire a freelance programmer as a contract laborer to get this software into shape and then work with this programmer to get things done. You shouldn't have attempted to do this on your own. You don't have the qualifications. If the boss won't let you hire a programmer, then you tell the boss you have to leave. But, no, you don't just say you're quitting. You know this system more than anyone else, and you need to take charge and get this thing done. And you have the power to stop its roll-out until it's ready. But you need to pull up your big-girl pants, stop crying to your mom, and work with the boss to get somebody hired to help you! That's what you need to tell him, and then your health problems will go away.

You're not failing them, they're failing you and themselves. I'd ask them to bring in another consultant for the role you were not hired for. If they won't do that, give your notice and they'll be clear about why. Meanwhile, start your job search. You don't 'owe' any company loyalty for their mismanagement.

That conversation was had many months ago. I'm on my 3rd supervisor. Yes... I cry sometimes. I didn't want to try to do it myself and told them I was concerned and why; that lady said 'well we do what we can'. I haven't quit any other jobs I've had. They want to bring in a consultant for a few hours, but there isn't anyone local. Consultants cost $1500/day and they are worried about the budget. I pushed out the timeline twice already. I probably could be more forceful though.

Yeah, I think it's time to job search, I keep trying not to do that. I just want to give them a big notice but that's kind of hard if you do line up something else, and it would be uncomfortable for those months that I try to stay and transfer knowledge.

Look.. a job is a means to keep a roof above your head and food in your belly plus a few extras. Employers do not care about their employees, despite their glossy ads and marketing material proclaiming the opposite. You've got to look out for N1. If you are this stressed and unhappy just give your month's notice (or however long your notice period is), and leave. If you can afford to that is. If not then sadly you're going to have to line up another job then give them notice. I wish you all the best.

Yeah, I think it's time to job search, I keep trying not to do that. I just want to give them a big notice but that's kind of hard if you do line up something else, and it would be uncomfortable for those months that I try to stay and transfer knowledge.

You're not obligated to stick around for months to transfer knowledge. The company is obligated to manage their own knowledge coverage. If they fail to do that, it's not on you to make up for that at the risk of your own health and career movement.

Search for other work, and if you accept an offer, make it contingent on giving 2 weeks notice to your current employer. Then employer can either get someone in there who has expertise in this area while allowing you to transfer what you can during that period, or not.

It does your health no good to take on the responsibilities of the world that rightfully belong to others, whether they want to acknowledge them, or not.

Yeah, I think it's time to job search, I keep trying not to do that. I just want to give them a big notice but that's kind of hard if you do line up something else, and it would be uncomfortable for those months that I try to stay and transfer knowledge.

How long have you been in this mess?

Two weeks notice is fine. DEFINITELY get your resume together and start looking. If three different supervisors did not solve this problem, and you are working 16-hour shifts, I'd say the company is in trouble.

When you go, they will probably hire a consultant. It's what they should have done all along, but managed to avoid because they could take advantage of you. Life is ironic like that.

How long have you been in this mess?

 

Two weeks notice is fine. DEFINITELY get your resume together and start looking. If three different supervisors did not solve this problem, and you are working 16-hour shifts, I'd say the company is in trouble.

 

When you go, they will probably hire a consultant. It's what they should have done all along, but managed to avoid because they could take advantage of you. Life is ironic like that.

Yes, completely. You are not failing at your job. The job is not as was advertised - and yes, of course, we all have to be flexible and stretch ourselves to learn new skills but this sounds to me very technical and something that doesn't just require your intellect, time and perseverance which you obviously have plenty of - but actual skills and knowledge you do not yet have. And I guess they could pay to train you but I don't think that would make sense unless this is something you really want to do. They did fail you if you want to think about failure. And when you interview I would put as positive a spin on yourself and the company as possible "It wasn't a good fit because it turned out they needed someone highly proficient in X and I wasn't hired to do X".

Good luck and feel better.

You aren't even failing. You've put an amazing amount of effort into something 2 or 3 levels above your skill level. You've learned a ton - making mistakes like the one you mentioned is something that even experienced professionsals do. I could tell some stories, like the time we had customers using test data which made them promises we had never intended to make. It was a many thousands of dollars mistake. Or just read the tech news headlines - software development is full of big ticket failures. Most of the time, the failure is due to an organization rather than a singe employee who made a typo or accidentally deleted one of the sets of backups.

Hiring a non-skilled programmer to build a technical system is on them. Your ability to get it this far is something you should be proud of, whatever the outcome.

When you leave, they will have to hire someone with the technical experience to examine the system and figure out how it works and how to get the project completed. They will be expensive, but there are engineers who are totally up to that task.

This experience will totally help you at your next job.