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Thread: Advice on how to handle post rejection feelings.

  1. #1

    Advice on how to handle post rejection feelings.

    So, there is a coworker of mine (32F) that I (25M) am in a sticky situation with. So, I don't have the best experience with women and haven't dated in a while. In fact, my last girlfriend was about three years ago. I was in a pretty dark place in my life and I needed to focus on myself. Anyway, I started to work out and got into very good shape along with dressing better. There is this woman who is a coworker of mine and also plays D&D with me. Now, we knew each other for quite a while completely platonic, but I think she became interested in me after I got my **** together. I looked ten times better and was in shape. She started to flirt with me and it was pretty obvious, but I really wasn't in the place to date at the time due to being incredibly stressed because of work. I looked stressed and was feeling really overwhelmed at the time with my grad workload (we are both in the same graduate program). I think she took this as disinterest and stopped. Fast forward a month later, we kept hanging out as friends and I realized how stupid I was for possibly passing this up. She was actually incredibly fun and confident which I find incredibly sexy. I guess I didn't know her well enough and I was hesistant on dating coworkers because of the drama. I was also in a different place in my head, so I wanted to see if there was still any interest. Flirting probably just confused her and I could tell she was not feeling it. I guess in a fit of unbridled confidence I decided to just say screw it and ask her out on a date instead of playing games which I assumed she thought I was doing. But knowing me, I fumbled like a 12 year old boy asking out a girl for the first time. I was incredibly nervous even though I have dated before and have had girlfriends. I guess being out of the game for so long made everything so new to me and I assumed I would be rejected from the vibe I was getting. I asked if I could just talk to her for a sec in private after work and while about to ask her on a date I could tell she realized what was going on and so could I from her body language, I politely excused myself since I saw she looked incredibly uncomfortable. Just a simple "Don't worry about it. I hope you have a great day." while I left before things became really awkward.

    Well, it became awkward since everyone at work found out despite me not telling anyone. Rumors floated about. You know how these things go, but I reassured her that things were cool between us and there was no hard feelings. We are still friends/acquaintances to this day and still talk here and there. Now, here is what I am having trouble with: I feel I missed a fantastic opportunity to date someone who I really could see myself with. She is a really cool chick, nerdy and confident, exactly my type, but I was too stupid at the time to realize this. I also don't know exactly why I was rejected since I excused myself once I could tell she was uncomfortable, but I assume it was because of her losing interest along with it appearing like I lacked confidence. How do you get past these feelings that you messed up? Also, how do you get past beating yourself up for making a fool of yourself? As you probably could have guessed, I still have to interact with her and her friends since we work together (they all know, it is painfully obvious) and I feel like I'm constantly reminded of this screw up.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    British Columbia, Canada
    Maybe now is a good time to ask yourself whether overthinking your relationships at work are a good idea. If you haven't already learned something from this, go back and ask yourself what else you might have missed in all this.

    A suggestion might be to meet people outside of work and start developing healthier, more professional, relationships at work while learning to expand your social circle outside of your coworkers. You'll experience more growth that way and less confusion in the long run.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    I donít think she suddenly started flirting with you because you started working out.
    I think you just felt better about yourself and behaved differently because of that and her reaction to that was simply positive that you misconstrued as flirting???

    You didnít actually ask her out so how could there be rumours suggesting you did?
    What did you say to her??!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    It wasn't a missed opportunity because you flirted, cornered her and she knew what was going on. So she was aware. Just relax and enjoy your work and whatever friends you have at work. Date outside of work, a lot less complicated.
    Originally Posted by dietcoke1123
    So, there is a coworker of mine (32F) that I (25M) am in a sticky situation with. Well, it became awkward since everyone at work found out despite me not telling anyone.


  6. 05-25-2019, 04:11 PM

  7. #5
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Just because she was nervous does not mean she does not like or would have said "no". Some women display mixed feelings. You have to ask for the phone number or date to be sure, and see their reaction to that.

    You are probably better off though - work relationships can be trouble.

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