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Thread: Is it really a downgrade or an upgrade?

  1. #31
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    Woman that live the "hollywood" life don't became stay at home moms. They have nannies, housekeepers, and cooks, while they're out at the club, dining or traveling or doing whatever they do.

  2. #32
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mandeelove
    I also want to be a stay at home mother when the time comes. Thats a thing I wont budge on.
    I hope you have plenty of savings put aside for you to be able to achieve this. In this day and age it is not easy to live on one income anymore (depending where you live). The vast majority of couples HAVE to both work to be able to pay mortgages, bills, insurance, childcare/schooling, etc.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I respect a person who works hard for what they have, not a snot nosed brat who gets everything handed to them and then abuses people.

    The working class (in my opinion) are hard working people who do the best they can. There is however a difference between responsible and irresponsible.
    Just because you're working class does not mean you will be in debt, unless of course you mismanage your money.

    I would take a hard working man who treated me wonderfully over a rich man who was abusive, any day. I wouldn't even have to think about it.

    Money doesn't buy happiness and if you think it does, you've been too long in la la land and missed the point of life.
    The things that matter the most have nothing to do with money.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I hope you have plenty of savings put aside for you to be able to achieve this. In this day and age it is not easy to live on one income anymore (depending where you live). The vast majority of couples HAVE to both work to be able to pay mortgages, bills, insurance, childcare/schooling, etc.
    I agree. I did it for 3 years and it was HARD. Everything today is so expensive . My husband makes above average income and we have good benefits and it was STILL hard.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I respect a person who works hard for what they have, not a snot nosed brat who gets everything handed to them and then abuses people.
    Yes, I don't understand why never having done a hand's turn should be something to be proud of!

  7. #36
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mandeelove
    Do you think its normal for a guy to focus on a womans career over who she is as a person? Would you leave a great woman over financial reasons only?.
    The irony is not lost on me...

    All I can say is please for the love of all that is holy donít date right now.

    Self care and introspection. 2 very important things right now.

    Look I mean no disrespect, it kinda sounds like youíre telling us that you sold your soul for money and status. Itís funny because I remember not that long ago I had saw you randomly commenting on someoneís post and you said something to the effect of you expect a man to take care of you, which hey youíre prerogative, I just thought it was telling concidering your situation. Iíve been there, and Ive seen women who withstand abuse because they have no other choice, they have no where else to go, honey you do. Look, you arent the first and you most certainly wonít be the last but I just really think you need to be brutally honest with yourself.

    Iím no longer in the 6 figure club I was in when I was in an abusive marriage but I can look myself in the mirror every day and you know what? Iím adverse to debt myself, so i fully understand, but let me tell you there is nothing more satisfying than working towards a big purchase and knowing your sweat and hard work earned it. Best feeling ever.

  8. #37
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I hope you have plenty of savings put aside for you to be able to achieve this. In this day and age it is not easy to live on one income anymore (depending where you live). The vast majority of couples HAVE to both work to be able to pay mortgages, bills, insurance, childcare/schooling, etc.
    I agree. I didnít become a full time parent until I was 42 and had spent almost 20 years working including almost 15 at a very lucrative career. Same for my husband. By contrast a friend of mine married in her mid 20s with a grad degree in teaching. She had no savings. Husband was in his early 30s great job thatvhe lost right before they married and he never really found another great job as far as $. They scraped by and she stayed home for 20 years and raised 3 kids with no outside help. I remember strongly suggesting to her to make some $on the side because of his underemployed state and the marriage showing some issues.
    After 20 years of marriage they divorced. She had no marketable skills and couldnít teach because of a health condition. So she got trained in something she could do that didnít pay well. He reneged on much of the child support. She is still scraping by. I am not judging just sharing as a cautionary tale.
    Make sure you have your own assets. Joint accounts are great but so are separate accounts in addition. And so is having marketable skills so that if your husband loses his job or there is a health or marriage issue you can make enough $ to afford child care - not everyone had access to family for free child care in tough times and if you have to work you have to make enough so youíre not just paying for child care.
    I wanted to have a child earrleir but wasnít in a relationship situation to do so. But by the time I was in my late 20sI was starting to build a nest egg so they I could be at home for at least awhile. I was home for 7 years. But especially these days aspiring to be a full time mom for many years is getting less realistic unless you have income from investments and can contribute $ to the family income.

  9. #38
    Platinum Member superfan's Avatar
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    OP, there's a huge difference between wanting a rich guy to take care of you and wanting someone who has their crap together and isn't drowning in debt.

    I think that after dating someone who was excessively wealthy you've realised that past relationships that you've had with otherwise good men were damaged by the constant worry about money.

    You've said that you are okay financially on your own, so why settle for a man that might drag you (and your credit) down? Wanting a man who has his life together and isn't drowning in debt does not make you Scrooge McDuck.

    For myself personally I would never date someone who had massive consumer debt or didn't have a job. That doesn't make me shallow and ditto for you.

    If you were demanding that all the men you date wine and dine you and buy you expensive clothes and jewelery then yeah...

    But saying "I don't want to date someone who is struggling financially"? Reasonable.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mandeelove
    I do want to respond. I have ambitions but not to be rich or be throwing down millions in cash on homes. I want to be smart with my money and live comfortably. Have a great savings for a future family, if I ever have one. So I wasnt trying to inherit a rich life from him. Kinda just happened. I have my masters in my field so Im on my career path doing that. Unfortunatley even with a masters you cant get rich and the guy I dated had NO degrees and got that rich. Its a crazy world so not always schooling or certificates could make you millions.

    I also want to be a stay at home mother when the time comes. Thats a thing I wont budge on.
    Depends on what Masters you're talking about, but I digress.

    Someone just above very astutely tapped into the irony of your thread history, but to take it a step further, I truly believe that-- with absolutely no disrespect to the role itself should it turn out logistically feasible-- "not budging" on being a stay-at-home parent is about as antiquated as it gets. And it would be almost entirely contingent on finding a man with a salary which can financially support himself, yourself, a child, and however many more. You lament being discounted for your salary, but I think this entire thread is a testament to your own double-standard. Not necessarily one I think is objectively wrong. You want what you want and don't need to justify that to anyone. You've just gotta straighten out your rhetoric a bit. Katarina, and God bless her for all the work she puts in to empathize beyond my own limitations, has done her very best here, but you've got a shovel and seem determined to use it.

  11. #40
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    You sound like a gold digger.

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