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Thread: Is it really a downgrade or an upgrade?

  1. #21
    Gold Member mandeelove's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I would be inclined to agreed with you had she not said this in her original post:

    As time went on I discovered how rich he really was as well as his family. They had status and knew alot of important people. It would feel like a glamorous life. We'd go out and it would feel like hollywood status.

    That said, I agree, what you suggested about having a man take care financially and a woman not having to worry about it, is not uncommon, many women desire that, especially like you said a more traditional woman.

    Perhaps mandee can return and clarify, my thinking is what she wants is a little of both, but I'm just speculating.
    I would want both. Someone who is smart with money and knows how to handle money. But he doesnt have to be rich. And someone who treats me good.

    I never dated rich before...only happened to fall into it with the last guy. In the beginning I thought he was working class but little by little (through lifestyle happenings) I realized he was on a whole diff level. He had purchased way over a million dollar home in cash when we dated. I was baffled. He was only in his 30s. And even after that he wasnt in a financial hole by any means.

    The thing that made his money bad is he looked down on people. Made jokes of people who were worse off and if we fought, he used money as a tactic to abuse me by saying I should go out with a poor man who has an apartment because I deserve that. Whatever that means!

    So If he was a good guy who treated me great ,I would think his money was a plus obv. But he did not treat me good at all.


    The thing I guess I need to look for is a good person who is financially smart. He doesnt have to be rich. But I want to be comfortable in life. WHo doesnt.

    Its a glamour life. Its easy. The fact I was apart of it, now not, is just an adjustment. I have to realize that was abnormal type of cash flow. And the man was sn abuser. Id rather a good guy with less money if it means no abuse.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by mandeelove
    I would want both. Someone who is smart with money and knows how to handle money. But he doesnt have to be rich. And someone who treats me good.

    I never dated rich before...only happened to fall into it with the last guy. In the beginning I thought he was working class but little by little (through lifestyle happenings) I realized he was on a whole diff level. He had purchased way over a million dollar home in cash when we dated. I was baffled. He was only in his 30s. And even after that he wasnt in a financial hole by any means.

    The thing that made his money bad is he looked down on people. Made jokes of people who were worse off and if we fought, he used money as a tactic to abuse me by saying I should go out with a poor man who has an apartment because I deserve that. Whatever that means!

    So If he was a good guy who treated me great ,I would think his money was a plus obv. But he did not treat me good at all.


    The thing I guess I need to look for is a good person who is financially smart. He doesnt have to be rich. But I want to be comfortable in life. WHo doesnt.

    Its a glamour life. Its easy. The fact I was apart of it, now not, is just an adjustment. I have to realize that was abnormal type of cash flow. And the man was sn abuser. Id rather a good guy with less money if it means no abuse.
    The comments he made about money had nothing to do with him having money. If he was that kind of person he would have found a way to make similarly nasty comments whether about money or otherwise. Not sure if you are going to respond to my post but if you want to be financially comfortable -however you define that -do that for yourself.

  3. #23
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    @Batya, I could be wrong I don't have time to go back and search her previous threads, but I think he was the same guy who actually wanted her to make more money, have a more established career; in fact if memory serves me correctly he badgered her about it, about her getting a job with better benefits, better salary, almost to the point of it being emotional abuse.

    I think he even threatened to break up with her if she didn't become more ambitious and achieve these things -- for herself.

  4. #24
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    I come from a very poor family, though both my parents were well educated and there were plenty of books around the place, so it was very rich in terms of intellectual resources. My response to my upbringing has been to be able to get by comfortably on very little; I'm an artist and a lot of my friends are similar.

    Over the years when I've dated very wealthy men, their money was secondary to how interesting they were to talk to, did they stop to reflect on the world, were they fun to be with... all that. I've also been aware that if I didn't feel the relationship was likely to last, a part of me was always careful not to get seduced by conspicuous wealth, to be drawn into a lifestyle I wouldn't be able to sustain if I was on my own. I like my relationships to be an equal partnership, and realising that (yep, it took a long time; my mother was the breadwinner in our family and to an extent I followed her example!) has been instrumental in making wiser choices. Glamour and glitz are fun, too, as long as you realise that's all they are and don't look to them for anything deeper.

    It's important to work out what your priorities and values in life are, and become proficient in achieving them for yourself without looking to a partner to provide them for you. Then the question of whether any particular relationship is a 'downgrade' or an 'upgrade' will answer itself very quickly...

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    @Batya, I could be wrong I don't have time to go back and search her previous threads, but I think he was the same guy who actually wanted her to make more money, have a more established career; in fact if memory serves me correctly he badgered her about it, about her getting a job with better benefits, better salary, almost to the point of it being emotional abuse.

    I think he even threatened to break up with her if she didn't become more ambitious and achieve these things -- for herself.
    Yes I think you are right but I wouldn't want that to be her motivation and he seemed to not really have her best interests at heart when he criticized her in this way. I don't know if it was abuse and don't like throwing around that label -I know she feels it was.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by mandeelove

    The thing that made his money bad is he looked down on people. Made jokes of people who were worse off and if we fought, he used money as a tactic to abuse me by saying I should go out with a poor man who has an apartment because I deserve that. Whatever that means!
    This is what I meant earlier about the ATTITUDE! The looking down on people, the believing he's somehow "better" just because he has money -- arghh!!

    A man (or woman) can certainly have money without having this attitude and being an abusive d-bag!

    And not all wealthy people care to live the "hollywood" lifestyle either.

  8. #27
    Gold Member mandeelove's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    The comments he made about money had nothing to do with him having money. If he was that kind of person he would have found a way to make similarly nasty comments whether about money or otherwise. Not sure if you are going to respond to my post but if you want to be financially comfortable -however you define that -do that for yourself.
    I do want to respond. I have ambitions but not to be rich or be throwing down millions in cash on homes. I want to be smart with my money and live comfortably. Have a great savings for a future family, if I ever have one. So I wasnt trying to inherit a rich life from him. Kinda just happened. I have my masters in my field so Im on my career path doing that. Unfortunatley even with a masters you cant get rich and the guy I dated had NO degrees and got that rich. Its a crazy world so not always schooling or certificates could make you millions.

    I also want to be a stay at home mother when the time comes. Thats a thing I wont budge on.

  9. #28
    Gold Member mandeelove's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    This is what I meant earlier about the ATTITUDE! The looking down on people, the believing he's somehow "better" just because he has money -- arghh!!

    A man (or woman) can certainly have money without having this attitude and being an abusive d-bag!

    And not all wealthy people care to live the "hollywood" lifestyle either.
    100 percent agree. !

  10. #29
    Gold Member mandeelove's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    @Batya, I could be wrong I don't have time to go back and search her previous threads, but I think he was the same guy who actually wanted her to make more money, have a more established career; in fact if memory serves me correctly he badgered her about it, about her getting a job with better benefits, better salary, almost to the point of it being emotional abuse.

    I think he even threatened to break up with her if she didn't become more ambitious and achieve these things -- for herself.
    You are right! Thanks for clarifying. He is the guy who looked down on my salary. That I better make more. Etc. Loser was his fav word and I had degrees /schooling that made his head spin. I didnt have a crazy salary but I had education and in his eyes it didnt matter. I was still useless bcuz my salary sucked according to him.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by mandeelove
    I do want to respond. I have ambitions but not to be rich or be throwing down millions in cash on homes. I want to be smart with my money and live comfortably. Have a great savings for a future family, if I ever have one. So I wasnt trying to inherit a rich life from him. Kinda just happened. I have my masters in my field so Im on my career path doing that. Unfortunatley even with a masters you cant get rich and the guy I dated had NO degrees and got that rich. Its a crazy world so not always schooling or certificates could make you millions.

    I also want to be a stay at home mother when the time comes. Thats a thing I wont budge on.
    Of course you can get rich without a graduate degree. My point was that itís the best way for you to have the best chance of having enough money to feel comfortable - not rich. And it depends what field you choose. So if you want to be home full time figure out for how long you would want that - forever or for a certain number of years ? And if you want to be financially comfortable while you are home with children figure out how you can save up enough so that if your husband cannot be the sole breadwinner for a comfortable lifestyle how much you could contribute to make up for whatís missing. Certainly if youíre home you save a ton on child care but at least in my moms group I see a lot of women who carefully do the number crunching to figure out if the family can afford to have one parent at home full time.
    Iím glad you have an education. And if you want to make more $ you may want to consider getting more education or training so you can command a higher salary for now while you donít have children yet.

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