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Thread: Non smoker vs smoker

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by SharonSpruce
    Silverbirch
    I never said i wasnt good to him. Apart from him smoking we get on really well. He doesnt run around after me . Im 48 and independent i work hard on my good days and have very little time off work during my treatment weeks.
    He is 55 and has lots of issues after women cheating. I have been just as supportive over his depression and counselling.
    Your making it sound like im only in it for what i can get. I can assure you this isnt the case. I struggle around smoking but have never hidden the fact. Im trying to cope with it because i love him .
    Sharon, Im sorry if it camr out hat way. Btw, my cancer was first diagnosed 2011 and was carcinima of the bladder but so far has been low invasive. I was terrified for the first coupke of years.

    To ke, the fact is that I would almost het that he is a good guy, and it sounds lije you love each other. People like that dont cone along all the time, and relationships are probably never perfect. I think you should let it be, and good luck.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Silverbirch
    Sharon, Im sorry if it camr out hat way. Btw, my cancer was first diagnosed 2011 and was carcinima of the bladder but so far has been low invasive. I was terrified for the first coupke of years.

    To ke, the fact is that I would almost het that he is a good guy, and it sounds lije you love each other. People like that dont cone along all the time, and relationships are probably never perfect. I think you should let it be, and good luck.
    Thank you for replying. I guess im a bit sensitive. I hope you stay well and cancer free.
    I think talking about my issues has helped a lot. Your right that not many people stick around after such news as cancer so ive decided to not dwell on things anymore. We have each other and thats worth a lot.

  3. #23
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    Hey, I hope it goes well for you. When I found out it was carcinoma, I absolutely thought the worst. Im bit funny about talking much about it. I went to a website especially for bladder cancer in 2011. A lot of people couldnt dyay because they got stuck in obsessing about it. I used to think constantly about it in the first 2 years, and I became wrecked by it. Was like dying twice. Still, Im sure it helps others to talk about it. A lotof peoplr would disahree with this, but because my cancer was low-grade - I had MANY recurrences, the surgeon and I chose to only do my cystosvopic trsting oncr a uear. I couldnt manage the consyant in and out of hospital as well, the doctors had different opinions on chemo - I forget the name of it, bit it is put dirrctly into thr bladder. I chose not to have it.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Nope, I wouldn't compromise or deal with it. I too watched a loved one die from lung cancer and it's horrendous. I could never excuse someone for purposely doing that to themselves.

    In this day and age, people know better and should care to take care of themselves. He's not doing you any favors either by bringing that around you. Whether he smokes around you or not, it will still be on his clothes, his teeth, etc.

    And let's add into the obvious, it's nasty and disgusting. Bleh...I just couldn't.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    We have each other and thats worth a lot.
    I guess it really is up to you what's more important and what you're willing to accept.

    I wouldn't put up with it, but I'm not you. This really is up to you and what you decide to do.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    I dated a smoker twice, with 20 years in between and a hard line after the first of "no smokers". I lost him to cancer, yes, but he was exactly what I needed when I needed it, and we got 5 years. He was respectful with his habits, we never would have and never did live together. I am glad I decided to follow my gut and date him.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    I dated a smoker twice, with 20 years in between and a hard line after the first of "no smokers". I lost him to cancer, yes, but he was exactly what I needed when I needed it, and we got 5 years. He was respectful with his habits, we never would have and never did live together. I am glad I decided to follow my gut and date him.
    Im sorry you lost him. I feel the same. I believe he was sent to me for a reason. We only met 2 days before my diagnosis and i did need him . We love each other and i cant imagine him not being there.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SharonSpruce
    Im sorry you lost him. I feel the same. I believe he was sent to me for a reason. We only met 2 days before my diagnosis and i did need him . We love each other and i cant imagine him not being there.
    Yes, much for which to be grateful.

    Even so. Would I date a smoker again? No. I am healthier now, I hope to be choosing a life partner, not a now-even-if-now-lasts-a-long-time partner. It's different: I wasn't ready then to make choices that lock in a future. I would do that now. And smoking will not be a part of it.

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