When dating, do you copy the time it takes for them to reply when texting?

I’m dating this guys, and looking back st the messages he pretty much copies my time intervals of replying. For example, I replied at 11:00am. He replied at 11:30 then I replied at 12:45 and he replied at 15:50 and so on. It’s like he’s almost copying the time it takes for me to reply and does the same? This is continuous throughout our texts. Do you do this too?

I meant 13:50 not 15:50 (oops)

Not typically, no. Why worry? Just text him when you want to, and I'm assuming he'll reciprocate. :)

Keep yourself busier and you won't be stressing over the time it takes him to respond.

Lol...ummm, no. Why would anyone do this?

It's called "mirroring" and many people do it. I recall on a different forum, there was a rather big argument about how women (mostly) mirror men especially w/r/t texting.

Like for example if a guy takes to two days to text, the woman will wait two days to respond. And so on and so forth.

At the time (which was years ago) I advocated mirroring but i feel differently now. I won't get into why I changed my opinion only to say that it's a silly game and in some cases a destructive game and can be confusing. JMO.

In your case Kimbles, it's probably harmless and I am wondering why the focus on the time intervals especially since you're only talking minutes. Maybe it's just a coincidence.

That said, is this same guy you've created several threads about already? If so, good gawd just get rid for heavens sake. And I hope you never followed through on your plan to intentionally walk past him at the bar and ignore which was game playing and beyond silly.

If it's another guy, chill out and just text when you want. Keep it positive!

Hey guys, no this is a different guy! Met him on that Saturday actually. He seems keen, meeting him Saturday, but I don’t understand why guys do it! If you like someone, just bloody text them don’t wait hours! I will always reply if I’m not busy.

Very bored of silly petty texting games, guys don’t do it! It makes us lose interest lol

Not everyone is glued to their phone. Some see your text and are legitimately busy, while others don't see it until later when they decide to check it. If it's the first, they'll respond later when they think it's appropriate. I cannot keep texting one after another, thus keeping a continuous texting spree. There are those who like to space it out (aka not talking all day).

I wouldn't worry about a person not texting for hours. Days (plural), yes, but not hours.

People (both men and women) do it because they don't want to come off too eager.

And also some people believe it's to keep things "balanced" -- guy takes five hours to text, girl waits an equal amount of time to respond.

Like I said, I used to believe there was some value to this, but don't anymore, it's just confusing, just like you're feeling now!

No, I don't. Sometimes I am immediate, some times I am slow. It depends on me. Otherwise, I feel I am reactive to someone else, rather than expressing myself honestly.

Now, the paired dynamic is am I expressing myself as I intend? Focus on that, and express yourself according to your own needs and intentions. It won't always win the man, but it will the man who matches best with you.

Maybe take a day between men.

The last guy knocked you off your game a bit before that you had an incredibly rough breakup I can’t help but believe your self esteem took a few hits recently. Which is probably why you’re so analytical. Trying to get it ‘right’ this time.

Your time would be much better spent getting back on your feet emotionally.

I think that’s one of the major flaws of online dating. It is so darn easy to get back on the horse that people do so without giving it a second thought and by doing so youre kinda compounding the pain, it’s like losing at gambling , ok that messed me up let me try again ok that made me worse let’s try another hit.

No. If it's a time sensitive text, I'll try my best to return it accordingly. I'm not much into shooting the **** via SMS, so I'll generally space those responses out. However quickly she would choose to respond is up to her. I've never considered it too eager if they were quick to reply. It's when I get spammed in between my replies or when the lady starts calling me out on it that I'm sticking one foot out the door.

Shocking but I didn't have a cell when I stopped dating in 2005 and my future husband had one but didn't text. When I met men through dating sites the only relevance to me of "how long" was if we had a plan that needed to be confirmed or made or if he'd promised to call me on a specific day/specific time. Reliability was very important to me. I tried to limit contact before we met to a few emails and one phone call (which I used to screen for safety and to see if I thought we'd have enough in common to meet for coffee) -and after we met I assumed we'd talk if he wanted to see me again and when we were first dating I didn't expect to be in regular touch as long as we were seeing each other about once a week. I'm so happy I didn't have texting back then. I instant messaged but only after we met (with one exception from what I remember). I wasn't online to find a chat buddy and didn't find texting or emailing relevant to whether we'd be compatible in real life and potentially dating. So, no, I didn't notice the time it took to respond to casual conversation.

I think it's more disturbing that you are actually noticing and keeping track of this. Maybe put your phone away and focus on what all else you need to be doing with your life. The only thing to talk about so early is just scheduling the next date.

I think it's more disturbing that you are actually noticing and keeping track of this. Maybe put your phone away and focus on what all else you need to be doing with your life. The only thing to talk about so early is just scheduling the next date.

This^^.

No disrespect Kimbles, but this is an awful lot of analyzing over someone you met 48 hours ago. It speaks to a tendency to devote a lot—as in too much—emotional energy toward a new prospect. Put too much weight on anything too early and it just cracks.

Put the phone down, take a walk. It'll be whatever it'll be, regardless of time stamps.

Oh yikes. Sorry it's scary to be tracking and calculating this.. Sounds like it's dead in the water if text response times are already an issue.

I replied at 11:00am. He replied at 11:30 then I replied at 12:45 and he replied at 15:50 and so on. It’s like he’s almost copying the time it takes for me to reply and does the same?

I still find it amusing and/or weird. I honestly cannot believe people do this. I've literally never taken notice of times before.

Mirroring has been going on for ages. I don't have time to link the many articles and advice (geared towards women) found on the internet re mirroring a guy to maintain balance (and his interest), but if anyone is interested in this game, just google "mirroring in dating."

It can be taken to the extreme though and again confusing, which is why I stopped. My dating experiences became much more fun, genuine and HONEST once I did.

Plus many guys (if they have half a brain cell and are familiar with game-playing themselves) are on to this, and it can be a turn off, so mirroring a guy may actually work against you instead of for you!

Sadly, it appears men are now playing this mirroring game too, although not sure that's what's happening here but it may be.

Edit: Take my bf and I for example. When we first started chatting, he didn't respond to my last text. All the advice I read (not just on this forum) was to wait for him to respond, DON'T send another one myself -- mirror his actions! And if he never did, next him. NEVER give more than I'm receiving blah blah.

Well, as many of you know I didn't follow that advice and went ahead and texted! He responded ten minutes later, we met two nights later and here we are today - six months later!

I like to mirror because I tend to be chatty and like to give the other person space if the person doesn't get back to me for a time. I will respond sooner if needed -but if not needed I'll mirror so I don't risk overwhelming the person. I don't think it's wrong to text someone who hasn't responded, it just depends whether the person wants to risk making an impression on a new person that was not intended or to risk starting a pattern of being the one to initiate far more ,etc. As for the OP I think she's overthinking this to a point that sucks any of the fun out of it.

^^ That's not mirroring (in my opinion), that's called being considerate and being self-aware.

But if you want to call it mirroring, that's fine, difference is you weren't intentionally playing some sort of game to increase the person's interest or your "value," which is what much of the advice about mirroring (in dating) advocates.

I I don't think it's wrong to text someone who hasn't responded, it just depends whether the person wants to risk making an impression on a new person that was not intended or to risk starting a pattern of being the one to initiate far more ,etc. .

That scenario (risk) never even entered my mind, but nevertheless that did not happen with us. Yes I did double text but he pretty much pursued me after that.

^^ That's not mirroring (in my opinion), that's called being considerate and being self-aware.

 

But if you want to call it mirroring, that's fine, difference is you weren't intentionally playing some sort of game to increase the person's interest or your "value," which is what much of the advice about mirroring (in dating) advocates.

Oh right -I didn't understand the term. I mirror for the reasons I said. I also have done version of mirroring to reinforce what I expect in terms of treatment and it has worked in that way too. To me that is not playing games depending on the situation. I have a friend who goes MIA every once in awhile but then seems to expect me to respond to her promptly. I would were it urgent or time sensitive but otherwise she is not high on my priority list for taking the time to respond.

I can't remember how long ago it was that you were dating B, but I think a lot has changed since then. People playing more games and taking those games to the extreme sometimes, it can get really confusing!

I know I was (confused), and apparently my behavior confused them too!

I was just now reading one of the articles and advice re mirroring and found the below quote quite apropos to what I was talking about in my previous post - about how it can be taken to the extreme and confusing.

Mirroring a man is not t*t-for-tat, or like playing a game of “Monkey See, Monkey Do.”

This is how many play it unfortunately.

I can't remember how long ago it was that you were dating B, but I think a lot has changed since then. People playing more games and taking those games to the extreme sometimes, it can get really confusing!

 

I know I was (confused), and apparently my behavior confused them too!

The games might be different but not the extent of games. But yes texting games were not in my world -no cell ,etc. I don't think there are more games or more extreme games. For example I don't hear as much about the don't go out on a weekend if he asks after Wednesday night -I always followed that rule and didn't care whether it was a "game" and I have no regrets -the men who really were interested made sure to make advance plans before Wednesday. The few times I declined a date where it was after Wednesday he would ask me out for the following week much earlier. The men who weren't that into me typically asked me very last minute (not even Thursday) so I didn't forego opportunities. These days perhaps plans are more casually made because you can reach the person easier -so back then, if you wanted a Saturday date you made sure to start calling by Wednesday in case you didn't reach the person - you could leave a message expressing interest in the weekend and then firm up the plans later. For example.

Thank you, Katrina, but I did read your post the first time. I know what mirroring is, I studied psych and have a 4 year degree, so thanks for that.

Watching times on texts and ONLY replying depending on the time, in my opinion is silly and games. But other than that, no need to school me. :)

What you're explaining, Batya, makes more sense to me.

In that scenario, you're talking days (which most people would take notice) especially if it concerns a date. But not time as in...12:45, 1:45...to me that's extreme and bordering on creepy and/or desperate.