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Thread: Ex cheated on me

  1. #1
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    Ex cheated on me

    Was in a very short relationship with my ex.

    In a nutshell, she had just come out of a manipulative relationship and I was there at the right time. However, during the course of our time together, I noticed that she would sometimes meet up with him. She assured me numerous times that she needed to settle some unfinished business like settle a huge loan that she gave him. I hated the thought of her meeting him but I did not want to come across as needy or clingy so I gave her the space to meet up with her ex. She assured me that she would tell her ex about us and ask him not to bother her again.

    One day, she said she needed to see him urgently and I let her go even though I was unhappy about it. When she came back about 3 hours later and we argued. The next day, we argued further. I gave her the option that either I tell her ex about us or she did. She said she would and later texted me that she already told him. She was very unhappy about it and I felt guilty about it.

    That evening, she told me she wanted to get some drinks and she wanted to be alone. So I let her be. About 2 hours later, she came back bruised. Apparently, she had arranged to meet her ex and she was beaten by him. She came back crying and said she wanted to move out immediately. I tried to talk some sense into her but failed and allowed her to move out. She said she needed some space. I took a walk and while I was out, her ex came over to help her get her stuff.

    I came back and saw her ex and I confronted him. A lot of the truth came out and I realized that my ex had been lying about things. In a nutshell, she moved out and it was damn messy.

    About 3 days later, I found evidence that she had cheated on me with her ex while she was with me. I confronted her and her first reaction was to blame me. I was like how did I deserve this and what did I do? Went NC the very next day.

    I did my research about cheating and an article which resonated with me was that I needed to see whether the cheating occurred with someone who she knew before me or after me. The answer to this question is apparently since she cheated me on with her ex. So I guess I could forgive her but I need to draw the line that I should not ever initiate contact.

    During the first few days of NC, she messaged me that everything was her fault. I ignored it. During the next few weeks, she would put up some social media posts directed at me. As far as I know she is still talking with her ex. The last few days though from her social media, I realized that her ex and her were having issues. Part of me is like "I told you so" while the other part of me is wanting to reach out to her.

    However, I still need time to heal and think things through. My ex has a lot of suitors and part of me is like "just reach out!" But I don't think I can do that simply because I would be telling her that cheating and being disrespectful of our relationship is ok.

    My heart says just wait a little while my head says the relationship has died.

    If you were me, what would you do?

  2. #2
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    You shouldn't have gotten involved with someone who has barely untangled themselves from their former relationship.

    Also never take back a cheater. Block her and let that mess go. Also keep in mind all she does is lie and manipulate u. Guilt tripping you when she is in the wrong is way too much B's and you'd have to be such a chump to ever give her a chance again.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    If I were you, I would stop stalking her social media, block her and move on. She lied, she cheated and blamed you for it. She has shown you what will happen when things get tough. You cannot control her nor fix her. If you go back to that mess , you would be making an informed choice to open yourself to lying, drama and heartbreak. Don't. Delete all her contact details, block her social media, move on.

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    Originally Posted by forthebest
    If you were me, what would you do?
    If a woman needs to keep making excuses to spend so much time with an EX, he's not an EX, he's your replacement
    Don't play the pick me dance with her it never works and just makes you look weak.

    Ask yourself this question "How much am I worth?"
    If you think you're worth more than a guy who sits around waiting for a girl who lies and cheats then you have your answer.

    The problem with us guys is we allow ourselves to settle for women who treat us like crap when there are so many other faithful women out there who would love to have a guy like you. Remember no woman will ever value and respect you until you first learn to value and respect yourself.

    I'm sorry you're going through this, I feel your pain, but trust me... you can do better...ignore her and move on

    She's not worth it, but you are, good luck!
    Last edited by KnightMan; 09-17-2018 at 12:30 AM.

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  6. #5
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    How long did you date? How long did you date before she moved in? How long had they been broken up before you started dating?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I would be telling her that cheating and being disrespectful of our relationship is ok.
    That's exactly the message you'll be sending if you respond..."I'm a doormat, do as you please to me and go with other men".

    You won't be able to fix this by replying or letting her have her own way. All you can do is stay away. She is toxic and a cheater. She cares only about her own selfish needs and not the damage she is doing to others.

    You contacting her won't change that.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    You shouldn't have gotten involved with someone who has barely untangled themselves from their former relationship.

    Also never take back a cheater. Block her and let that mess go. Also keep in mind all she does is lie and manipulate u. Guilt tripping you when she is in the wrong is way too much B's and you'd have to be such a chump to ever give her a chance again.
    Actually, when we got together, she did not tell me until later on. Thank you so much for setting me straight.

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    How long did you date? How long did you date before she moved in? How long had they been broken up before you started dating?
    We spent a lot of time together as she was living in the same place as me. They had broken up 3 months prior to me dating her.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    If I were you, I would stop stalking her social media, block her and move on. She lied, she cheated and blamed you for it. She has shown you what will happen when things get tough. You cannot control her nor fix her. If you go back to that mess , you would be making an informed choice to open yourself to lying, drama and heartbreak. Don't. Delete all her contact details, block her social media, move on.
    Very good insights. I like the insight especially about the informed choice...

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by KnightMan
    If a woman needs to keep making excuses to spend so much time with an EX, he's not an EX, he's your replacement
    Don't play the pick me dance with her it never works and just makes you look weak.

    Ask yourself this question "How much am I worth?"
    If you think you're worth more than a guy who sits around waiting for a girl who lies and cheats then you have your answer.

    The problem with us guys is we allow ourselves to settle for women who treat us like crap when there are so many other faithful women out there who would love to have a guy like you. Remember no woman will ever value and respect you until you first learn to value and respect yourself.

    I'm sorry you're going through this, I feel your pain, but trust me... you can do better...ignore her and move on

    She's not worth it, but you are, good luck!
    Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate everyone's input so as to get clarity.

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