I'm on the verge of an emotional/mental breakdown. Please help.

hi everyone, I'm new here. I decided to finally go ahead and post this beacuse I don't know who to talk to anymore. I talk to my mom, I talk to my psychologist but nothing seems to work anymore. I'm 21, I'm from Italy and I go to college, I live far from home which means that I only visit my family 3 to 4 times a year. Last year around this time a guy bought a house and moved in with his sister nextdoor and long story short we had a thing for 3 months or so. January of this year I was dumped because with me he "felt like hiding" and it simply couldn't work out. 10 days after the break up I discovered he actually had gotten in a new relationship and he definitely knew her when we were dating already. Of course you can imagine how bad, hurt and angry I felt..At times it was unbearable. We started to avoid eachother and it was really difficult since our apartments are attached, I saw him everywhere, we didn't say hi to each other and we barely even looked at each other. As time went on I got better, also thanks to his sister who opened up my eyes on him, telling me what kind of person he is, to the point where I felt nothing but indifference toward this guy, or at least I thought I had gotten better.

Thank God he often went to her place and stayed there for several days so I didn't see him. Anyway, one day I started to say hi to him again because I was tired of that awkward situation and we would often talk for like 2 minutes as well, nothing crazy. In the meantime though I was not doing well at all in school and usually despite my ups and downs I would always get good grades and couldn't complain but since the day I met him I couldn't care less about my education anymore and I started to get bad grades. I came back from summer holidays at the end of August and he has basically moved in with his girlfriend which means that I can hear everything they do since our bedrooms are attached. Last night I woke up to the sound of them banging nextdoor, they were doing it with the window open and I basically heard everything, the moans and stuff. For some reason, he barely looks at me now, pretends not to see me sometimes or if we say hi to each other he seems mad at me and I can't understand why. Go figure. I'm going through a sh*tty period in my life because I can't study anymore, I don't know why, I simply cannot. And I should've graduated this July or this November but unfortunately I won't make it and this means that my graduation will be in march if everything goes well. I still need to take 3 more exams and write my final dissertation 'til I'm finally done. My next exam is on the 27th of September but I'm not doing anything. I miss home, I feel alone, I'm going crazy and all I wanna do is sleep. The only upside is that I no longer have classes so I can visit my family more often than I was used to. Sorry If this is confusing and thanks in advance for your replies.

You dated there months. Why are you attaching so much to a liar and a cheat?

I don't understand why you would have talked to him, after the way he treated you. Have you addressed your attachment issues with your doctor?

Have you made any friends?

hi everyone, I'm new here. I decided to finally go ahead and post this beacuse I don't know who to talk to anymore. I talk to my mom, I talk to my psychologist but nothing seems to work anymore. I'm 21, I'm from Italy and I go to college, I live far from home which means that I only visit my family 3 to 4 times a year. Last year around this time a guy bought a house and moved in with his sister nextdoor and long story short we had a thing for 3 months or so. January of this year I was dumped because with me he "felt like hiding" and it simply couldn't work out. 10 days after the break up I discovered he actually had gotten in a new relationship and he definitely knew her when we were dating already. Of course you can imagine how bad, hurt and angry I felt..At times it was unbearable. We started to avoid eachother and it was really difficult since our apartments are attached, I saw him everywhere, we didn't say hi to each other and we barely even looked at each other. As time went on I got better, also thanks to his sister who opened up my eyes on him, telling me what kind of person he is, to the point where I felt nothing but indifference toward this guy, or at least I thought I had gotten better.

 

Thank God he often went to her place and stayed there for several days so I didn't see him. Anyway, one day I started to say hi to him again because I was tired of that awkward situation and we would often talk for like 2 minutes as well, nothing crazy. In the meantime though I was not doing well at all in school and usually despite my ups and downs I would always get good grades and couldn't complain but since the day I met him I couldn't care less about my education anymore and I started to get bad grades. I came back from summer holidays at the end of August and he has basically moved in with his girlfriend which means that I can hear everything they do since our bedrooms are attached. Last night I woke up to the sound of them banging nextdoor, they were doing it with the window open and I basically heard everything, the moans and stuff. For some reason, he barely looks at me now, pretends not to see me sometimes or if we say hi to each other he seems mad at me and I can't understand why. Go figure. I'm going through a sh*tty period in my life because I can't study anymore, I don't know why, I simply cannot. And I should've graduated this July or this November but unfortunately I won't make it and this means that my graduation will be in march if everything goes well. I still need to take 3 more exams and write my final dissertation 'til I'm finally done. My next exam is on the 27th of September but I'm not doing anything. I miss home, I feel alone, I'm going crazy and all I wanna do is sleep. The only upside is that I no longer have classes so I can visit my family more often than I was used to. Sorry If this is confusing and thanks in advance for your replies.

I know 3 months is a short time and to be pining over a guy for so long. However, I totally understand how you feel because you did put yourself out there and had your heart ripped out.

Try going NC and see how that goes.

It sounds like you are homesick and lonely. Try to get involved more with university clubs, groups, classes and try to make friends. Try not to get stuck to every player who comes along just because they are nearby and help you feel less lonely/homesick. Make an effort to make friends and date slowly taking your time to get to know someone. Call/videochat with friends and family regularly.

You dated there months. Why are you attaching so much to a liar and a cheat?

 

I don't understand why you would have talked to him, after the way he treated you. Have you addressed your attachment issues with your doctor?

 

Have you made any friends?

I've been living in this city for 3 years, of course I've got friends here and I go out regularly..and I know we only dated for 3 months, maybe for some people that means nothing but we had known each other for much longer before dating and I had never dated anyone before so that's why I got super attached. I talked to him simply because I was having a conversation with his sister and he chimed in, normally I never say more than hello.

I know 3 months is a short time and to be pining over a guy for so long. However, I totally understand how you feel because you did put yourself out there and had your heart ripped out.

Try going NC and see how that goes.

Yeah, I had never dated a guy before and normally I can't trust people. This time I wanted it to work so bad and so I gave him a chance even though I could sense that we weren't going anywhere as a couple because we have absolutely nothing in common. For some reason I tried to convince myself that he was the right guy but deep down I knew he was a jerk. So I trusted him, or at least tried to, and this is what happened. He would always do things that made me suspicious but every single time I questioned him about it he would made me look like a psychopath. I knew he was hiding something, gut feelings never lie, and I can't blame anyone but myself for not dumping him first..

It sounds like you are homesick and lonely. Try to get involved more with university clubs, groups, classes and try to make friends. Try not to get stuck to every player who comes along just because they are nearby and help you feel less lonely/homesick. Make an effort to make friends and date slowly taking your time to get to know someone. Call/videochat with friends and family regularly.

I do, trust me. I call my family almost every single day, I talk to my friends regularly, I go out with my friend here..And still doesn't help. I feel stuck, I can't seem to put myself first. My biggest priority right now is college, I must graduate, my parents work hard to support me and my brother..I don't know why this is happening..

Does your college have counseling services? Might be time to find a new psychologist. I am sorry you are feeling this way. It's good that you posted.

Does your college have counseling services? Might be time to find a new psychologist. I am sorry you are feeling this way. It's good that you posted.

Yep, it does and I've been going to the same psychologist for 3 years now..

Yep, it does and I've been going to the same psychologist for 3 years now..

And have you explained this latest situation? They could likely give you some suggestions for coping.

Actually you sound healthy to me. It is normal to seek a mate, and you tried but the guy was wrong. You are probably lonely for a loving connection. I am too when not in a relationship. It's especially hard after a break up, because you saw possibilities and you put in effort on your end but it failed. I don't think you are pining over that guy, you are pining over a lost promise of love. It is normal to be emotionally available, to seek out a mate, to seek a loving connection. I believe people should be paired up, and that it is ok to have needs, to be vulnerable. A balance of strength and softness will get you through life with beauty. If you have a lot to give, you will find another guy, someone more suitable for you. Understand that you cannot rush these things. It happens when it happens. I actually pray for love. I am not ashamed to admit I wish for a good relationship. In the meantime, while waiting for Prince Charming, you might as well get some work done?