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Thread: Boyfriend too busy to visit me in the hospital

  1. #1

    Boyfriend too busy to visit me in the hospital

    Hi everyone. Iím new to the forum. Iím just trying to see if Iím over reacting.
    I have a surgery tomorrow and will require me to be admitted for 3 days. My boyfriend just got his dream job and is in an intense training program requiring him to train/take classes mon-Friday from 7-5pm. They also have tests and homework everyday. Anyway, I understand he lacks sleep right now, heís been preparing for this training by studying the last 2 month and if they fail the training, it will stay in their license record and will be let go by the company. Also, heís an hour away from me.
    He told me heíd wanna visit me BUT heís busy and needs more studying this weekend and sleeping in.
    Iím very hurt and upset by this but managed to not say anything as I feel like I need to be more understanding.

    Should I let this go and just support him, or does his behavior means he just doesnít care about me?
    Weíve been together for few months now but known each other for 4 years.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Flip side - do you care about him if youíre willing to risk his career?

  3. #3
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    Is it a life-threatening surgery? Is it serious or something like wisdom teeth?

    It would be a romantic / nice gesture for him to visit you, but it looks like it would be very difficult for him to do that right now.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Monalissa
    My boyfriend just got his dream job and is in an intense training program requiring him to train/take classes mon-Friday from 7-5pm. They also have tests and homework everyday. heís been preparing for this training by studying the last 2 month and if they fail the training, it will stay in their license record and will be let go by the company. Also, heís an hour away from me..
    Speaking for myself only, if this was the situation with my boyfriend of 4 years, I wouldn't want him risking or jeopardising his new job just because I am going to have surgery. I'm a big girl, I can cope. I can deal with it. In fact, I would stress to him to NOT come and visit and focus on his job, but that's just me. To me, it's not a big deal.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Is it life threatening? When I was in the hospital with collapsed lung, my wife was in the last months of her residency. I had absolutely zero desire to have her go out of her way to visit me during that stressful period leading into her career just because I might suffer some boredom in the hospital bed. Now, yes, she was with me when I was admitted as I was a complete idiot, pushing it off until I was nearly incapacitated, but I know a whole lot of people like to throw the fact they're "in the hospital" around like it's all one level scenario. It's difficult to just assume your situation is comparable to someone who's in danger and suffering rather than, as I mentioned before, dreading being stuck watching HGTV marathons in bed for a few days.

    If you've got some heavy potential for severe complications, we might be talking a situation I could more easily sympathize with. Otherwise, let him focus on this big career move while you focus on your recovery.

    And, regardless of how long you've been acquainted for one another, I really don't see why he should put his dream job on the line for someone he's only been with a few months.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator annie24's Avatar
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    I think.... wait and see what he does. What kind of surgery is this? Even if he can't be there, it would be nice if he would send you flowers or some other kind of get-well greeting, or come visit you at home and take care of you a bit when you are recovering at home. If he doesn't do anything, I would probably think that he's just a selfish kind of guy. I get that he might not have the time to visit you daily now.... but I also would expect a serious boyfriend to do *something* for you when you are sick. If he doesn't, I'd probably continue looking for other guys to date, ones that are not as selfish.

  8. #7
    Gold Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Monalissa
    Hi everyone. Iím new to the forum. Iím just trying to see if Iím over reacting.
    I have a surgery tomorrow and will require me to be admitted for 3 days. My boyfriend just got his dream job and is in an intense training program requiring him to train/take classes mon-Friday from 7-5pm. They also have tests and homework everyday. Anyway, I understand he lacks sleep right now, heís been preparing for this training by studying the last 2 month and if they fail the training, it will stay in their license record and will be let go by the company. Also, heís an hour away from me.
    He told me heíd wanna visit me BUT heís busy and needs more studying this weekend and sleeping in.
    Iím very hurt and upset by this but managed to not say anything as I feel like I need to be more understanding.

    Should I let this go and just support him, or does his behavior means he just doesnít care about me?
    Weíve been together for few months now but known each other for 4 years.
    It's hard to say whether he cares or not... this is your first post and the only context we have. My objective opinion is that it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, rather he is very anxious about making sure he does well for this week of exams.

    If my BF had done everything up till that point to show he was a caring loving and kind person I would let it go. If you were to support him in this it would go a very long way to creating a trust with him which is a solid foundation for any relationship.

  9. #8
    Ok, thank you. Itís an abdominal surgery. Iím going to be out off work for the next 2 months to recover and he said he wonít be able to visit me those months too and itís just making me sad not to see him.

    I do understand him thatís why I didnít say anything to him. He just told me right now on Sunday he will just not study and just relax and play video games the whole day. Iíll try my best and be patient.

  10. #9
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    His career and doing well is important. Try to be a bit more understanding.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Well, good for you for not making him feel guilty for having such a full schedule. I'm sure he loves and respects you for that.
    There isn't much he can do for you while you're in there so let it go, heal and hopefully he passes his exams and you recovery nicely and you both get your dating and enjoying each other's company back to normal soon.

    Good luck with your surgery.

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