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Thread: Should I be concerned or am I being a little sensitive...

  1. #41
    Bronze Member
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    Another incident comes to mind, we have discussed on numerous occasions finding time to get away for one or two nights. I told him that the only way I could it, was if I
    have someone to stay with my father. My brother came to visit for over two weeks in August. I let "Andy" know that my brother was visiting and since he would be more
    than happy to take care of dad for me, so we could discuss making plans to go somewhere. He said nothing. Then, four days before my brother is due to leave, I remind
    "Andy" that my brother will be leaving soon, so if he is still wanting to go somewhere for one or two nights, let's make a game plan. He just nodded.
    The very day that my brother left to go home, "Andy" came over and said, "Oh I am so sorry, I didn't realize your brother was leaving so soon. I wish I had been better
    organized. I am sorry. I will make it up to you."
    Just another one of those little annoyances.....or maybe I am fretting for nothing.

  2. #42
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Sweet Sue
    Another incident comes to mind, we have discussed on numerous occasions finding time to get away for one or two nights. I told him that the only way I could it, was if I
    have someone to stay with my father. My brother came to visit for over two weeks in August. I let "Andy" know that my brother was visiting and since he would be more
    than happy to take care of dad for me, so we could discuss making plans to go somewhere. He said nothing. Then, four days before my brother is due to leave, I remind
    "Andy" that my brother will be leaving soon, so if he is still wanting to go somewhere for one or two nights, let's make a game plan. He just nodded.
    The very day that my brother left to go home, "Andy" came over and said, "Oh I am so sorry, I didn't realize your brother was leaving so soon. I wish I had been better
    organized. I am sorry. I will make it up to you."
    Just another one of those little annoyances.....or maybe I am fretting for nothing.
    I'm not sure if you're reading your responses. The above could have been avoided if you had come up with the game plan yourself and offered it to him. You're being passive-aggressive. You're 'prompting' and then falling frustrated when the guy doesn't do what you wish. Skip that. It's not all on him. When he mentions doing something, you raise certain barriers. So if you want to propose something that overcomes those barriers, such as the short walk or bike ride or a night away when you've arranged for Dad's care, then DO that.

    Very few people take the bait when prompted in an abstract sense. "Let's do lunch sometime..." is a prime example. A sincere effort is to say, "Are you free for lunch on Thursday to meet at Rob's?" Anything short of that is an attempt to push someone else into doing the heavy lifting, and when they don't do that 'properly,' they're the bad guy? That's a passive-aggressive setup, and it doesn't buy you anything but resentment. Likely mutual resentment.

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