Dads cancer returned / practising yoga abroad... unsure what to do in life

Hello,

So my dilemma is this...

My dads been in remission for while, his cancerous growths hadn't grown and he has monthly injections to halt growth.

Last scan showed that they had grown, so the treatment isn't working as hoped anymore. He has a rare type of nerve cancer where tumours grow very slowly and it has been stated by drs that he would succumb to old age before the big C got him, but now this is unsure. He may need chemo but not known yet.

My family all live close together, my sister and brother live very close to my parents. We are a close family, but we don't go out for days out, or for meals, etc. Everyone just comes to my parents house...

I went through a very rough 2017, I have practiced yoga for years and after such a rough year, sold my house, car.... gave away or sold all my belongings to dedicate my life to practising and have been abroad since jan practising yoga in india, i came home to visit for a month this month, then the bombshell that my dads C has grown... we will find out more on 25th as to what is going on more.

I have done a yoga teacher training course, so am qualified to teach, but had my heart set on going back abroad to keep learning and practising till March next year, till this news.

I have no home anymore, as I gave everything up to go abroad, my family is challenging at times and I am finding being home and staying at parents challenging... im staying in a small box room.

I wanted to do another course in February in yoga massage in india...

I have enough savings to set up business now, but do not feel ready and would feel im chucking myself in the deep end, but its doable, my plan was to come back in march next year and set some stuff up... plus I will have work next year, working for a friend setting up a studio.

I was thinking of changing my plans to stay home to help out but we dunno what outcome is... its a small house and challenging being at home.

I have found good flights where I can go abroad for 2 months, come back Dec for a month or 2, fly back out jan/feb... do what I intended... then come back march... or if anything was really serious, I can be home in 24/48hours. We talk and skype every day... my mum jokes that even though I am thousands of miles away she sees or hears more of me than my sis/bro.

I feel i should stay home, but do not feel prepared to do this just yet and feel I need more time dedicating my time to practice, I COULD do it, but my anxiety is through the roof at the thought.

my dad thinks I should go and I can always come home... but we don't know the outcome of anything yet.

I feel really bad whatever I decide, as my mum/dad want me to make the most of this opportunity, as I gave up a well paid job and my life in my home town to follow my passions,

However, I don't want to go away and they struggle with things, we don't know either way yet... I always have enough to come home and be home quick if anything was to happen...

Im looking for advice, of what people think and any advice offered?

Thanks for reading I really appreciate it.

p.s.... i really love my mum and dad and want to be around for them... but they want me to go back abroad and come back if/when needed???

I think they are right. Why is this a problem for you?

I'm sorry about your dad.

First thing though is you need to breathe and actually wait for more clear information before you can do anything or even make any appropriate decisions. Right now, nobody really knows what's going and what's next, so there is literally nothing to do until that information becomes available from the doctors.

You also need to pay attention to what your parents are telling you directly - they don't want you coming back and they do want you to pursue what you've set out to do.

@joelvc - its challenging because, i don't want to abandon my parents if they need help... I feel really torn and heartbroken atm... its a tricky situation in my mind because of this.

@dancingfool - yes, youre right. My mum/dad are so lovely, thats what makes it hard... but like my mum and dad say im never 24 hours away from home... its just difficult thing to wrap head around at the moment.

Like I said - first thing is to stop panicking and wait for additional medical information. They might need to get some additional opinions as well. It will take awhile to be clear about what is and isn't going on, how big of a concern the increase in tumors is and what if anything is to be done about it. You literally have no choice but to wait for further information and a plan from the doctors as well as from your parents and what they decide to do.

Second is they are not alone. You do have siblings living near by, so try not to carry the burden as if you are alone and sole care provider. Fortunately for you, you are not. They do have help IF they need it.

Third, do set aside money so that you can buy tickets should you need to fly home quickly in case of emergency. This is more about you pacifying yourself than any need from your parents as such from the sounds of it. Still, it's good to have that security/ability for your own peace of mind.

Maybe use this as an opportunity to practice yoga, the non physical side. Practice non attachment. Maybe this is the universe's way of teaching you this lesson. Basically, what I'm saying is go back abroad.

I agree with not going anywhere until you find out what the news is.

What about finding some local yoga instructors and working as a fill-in for some cash right now so that you are not just burning through your money while you are home? I totally get the issues of being an adult and moving back with your folks - been there, done that. if you are only going to be here for a month - just stick it out, but if you are going to stay for awhile - you can always see if you can be employed enough to afford a studio or roommate situation for a while. Even if you stay at their place and then are working, the tension will be eased because you have other outlets.

Maybe use this as an opportunity to practice yoga, the non physical side. Practice non attachment. Maybe this is the universe's way of teaching you this lesson. Basically, what I'm saying is go back abroad.

When i was much younger and trying to find "what was wrong with me" (which after a life changing diagnosis i finally found out what was "wrong" with me and was able to remedy it) I went to a lot of new agey seminars and lectures and stuff. The "non attachment" is actually the worst advice in this case. There is a point to it when people are trying to be in other people's business, but these are precisely things where emotions are good, human, and should be experienced. (a lot of this detachment was actually preached with the underlying motive of overriding your objections to sign up for more classes or fork over money (what your boss thinks about you taking time off, what your spouse thinks and what responsibilities you have were "unnecessary attachments) If dad gets a bad diagnosis - then spending time with dad while he is still "good" - relatively functional - will be something she is glad she did looking back. Yes, you can't predict right now how his illness will go. But going now and then waiting for "the call" ---- to try and rush to his bedside -- which takes time if you are all the way in India, etc - may cause more regret if she can't get back in time to see him and didn't spend the time.

Also, maybe there are programs in the US at large yoga centers -- isn't their one on the east coat - might be more doable to be able to come home if needed

jellybean2018 My thoughts are with you and your family!

What option would you regret (not being able to do) the most?

A. Not being able to spend much time with your parents, especially your dad.

B. Not being able to travel much.

There is your answer.

Yes a lot of thought provoking answers here, thanks guys.

I feel what is best to do, is do what I can whilst home and wait... see what happens. I can practice anywhere really, I don't need to go abroad to do so... its more important to be around at the moment. (If i don't murder any of my family in the process! I do believe theres a buddhist saying - if you think you got meditation nailed, go spend extended time with your family! lol)

Thanks for the advice guys, lets see how things progress :)

No matter where we go, here we are. Places are not going anywhere, they will still be exactly where they are no matter what age we choose to explore them. The people in our lives are temporary.

You've done the clearing of your job and possessions, and you are able to recreate your own life at every given moment within the scope of your own best judgment.

Meditate, and you'll assign your best answers to yourself.

Yes a lot of thought provoking answers here, thanks guys.

 

I feel what is best to do, is do what I can whilst home and wait... see what happens. I can practice anywhere really, I don't need to go abroad to do so... its more important to be around at the moment. (If i don't murder any of my family in the process! I do believe theres a buddhist saying - if you think you got meditation nailed, go spend extended time with your family! lol)

 

 

Thanks for the advice guys, lets see how things progress :)

I am glad you are staying put at least until you know what is happening.

No matter where we go, here we are. Places are not going anywhere, they will still be exactly where they are no matter what age we choose to explore them. The people in our lives are temporary.

 

You've done the clearing of your job and possessions, and you are able to recreate your own life at every given moment within the scope of your own best judgment.

 

Meditate, and you'll assign your best answers to yourself.

Thanks :) seems best way to do things...