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Thread: Partner's sister is a nightmare

  1. #1
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Partner's sister is a nightmare

    I honestly don't know how to deal with this anymore.
    My partner has a sister who is older than him. She is very bossy and pushy. She can act like a spoiled brat, despite being a grown woman (48 years old).

    When we first met she and I didn't get off on a good foot as she was telling me lies about a silly situation. The truth came out and I called her on it and why she felt she had to lie.
    She got into a huff and refused to speak to me for over six months. That was fine.

    She has calmed down slightly but treats my partner like a mindless child. To some degree, I understand it's because it's her little brother but to another, it's like she see's him as incapable and inept.
    None of it is true, he is quite capable and responsible. But that's another annoyance, no matter how badly she treats him, he bends to her and won't ever say anything to her.

    I still have tried my hardest to get past all of it. I've always befriended a partners mom or sister(s). But she is cold as ice.
    I send her messages from time to time to say hi, how are you, etc. I try to be friendly. I don't ever expect us to be bff's but at the very least, friends.
    It never works.
    She replies with one word, sometimes a thumbs up or a short sentence. She is very cold.

    Her and my partner as well talk constantly and it leaves me feeling out in the cold. I don't have any problems what so ever with him being close to his sister but I do feel crap for basically being shut out all the time. (as in, she refuses to speak to me or acknowledge that I am in his life).

    I've spoken to my partner about this and he has no idea how to change this.

    Do I just deal with it? I guess I don't have much choice but how she is constantly crappy to me really get's on my nerves. It's not deserved and she has never even given me a chance to get to know me.

    It gives me a headache.

  2. #2
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    How long have you been dating?

    You will not like this answer, but here goes: this is who she is, and this is his & her dynamic: she pushes and bosses him around, and he allows it. She tells lies, and he shrugs. She's been doing this for 48 years, and you are relatively new in their lives.

    This is what it is, and you will have to accept it and go with the flow.

    I get it, she sounds like an awful piece of work.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    We've been together over a year now. And I agree with you, it's a messed up dynamic that they've both gotten used to but it's so difficult to get used to.

    I literally sit there sometimes in shock how he allows her to walk all over him and he says he's just used to it being that way.

    Despite though, I still do my best to have patience with it, to be nice to her...it's useless. She's a bully.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My husband's sister is a liar and full of fanciful stories about all sorts of things. She's known as the family liar and to be full of BS. People just seem to let her rant and basically ignore her wacky comments. I had a tough time at first with her because she told some real whopper lies to family members about me and I'd never had anyone do that to me before. She used to tell the relatives that my hubby would phone her and ask her advice about how to get rid of me! This was not true, he didnt want to break up with me. She's got a few screws loose and I think people just let her carry on as she does because they know she's not all there.

    So how did I deal with it? I learned to ignore her. I learned to not let her get to me. I avoid her at all costs. We dont live near her so no chance of running into her anywhere.

    Somehow you have to accept she is what she is, you cant change her. The only person you control is youself so you figure out how to deal with her and then do it. Dont let her get to you. Yes it's hard but there's no other choice.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    @ Melancholy, I know you're absolutely right. I just felt the need to vent. It get's to be too much some days, you know?

    She is like nothing I have ever dealt with before. I haven't had loads of partners, but a fair enough to know that family normally is not this terrible.
    She is a total drama queen on top of it.
    Evvvvvveryone has to know when she is angry or upset or had a bad day. Seriously, she will either post on FB or message loads of people or ring people. They HAVE to know how bad it is for her.

    This is what I mean about her shutting me out.
    I will send a message for example: Hi :) How is your vacation? Her answer: fine. Have you done anything fun? Not so far.
    Then silence....okay then.

    10 mins later she is sending partner a message 2 pages long on how it is all going and what she's up to.
    Grrrrr.
    Again, I am glad she tries to stay close to her brother but I don't deserve to get treated like day old poo. On top of it, I didn't do anything to this woman.

    She also yells at him, punish's when he doesn't do as she says, bullies.
    Gawd sakes...I cannot believe I am dealing with this at this stage in my life.

    He is more than worth it to get past it, but some days are really tough.

  7. #6
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    Oh gawd, she's one of thooooose. Can't stand people like her. Have to post all over Facebook every little upset, just to garner likes, sympathy messages, "poor dear's", etc.

    I've hidden "her" more times than I can count.

    Extremely insecure, extraordinarily needy, and thinks the world revolves around her. Got it. Ugh.

    He will never be able to do anything about it, because he's caught in the center of her little web, and he has been his entire life.

    Minimize contact with her. Pleasantries only. Treat her as a professional contact: courteous, polite, short & sweet.

    Lower your expectations of her. If you text to ask how she is, and she gives you a 4-word answer, and then types your partner 2 pages, well, that's what you expect from her.

    You will never get the warm & fuzzies from her. Ever.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    @ LHGirl Yep, she is one of those. Sigh.

    All of it has stressed me out more than once. I guess I too have to get used to how it is with him and his family. The acceptance bit has been difficult though.
    I was friends with sisters of partners in the past. It was nice. We could all meet for lunch, joke around together, have a good chat, even message now and then on how we're doing on a friend level.
    I can't recall ever being really close friends with anyone's sister but it was always nice and comfortable.

    This situation ain't ever gonna be like that. It saddens and disappoints me to be quite honest. There is always drama brewing on her end and she always drags partner into it somehow.

    He has even said to me to not bother sending her a christmas gift as he knows what she is like and she will criticize it and put it down. (as she's apparently done this in the past with other people).
    THAT made me sad too. It just can't be nice. :(

  9. #8
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    My husbandís sister has turned into a drill sergeant since her parents got old and sick. She tries to order people around even my husband . She is his younger sister. And he told me she was quite the diva as a kid and would just screeched to get her own way and her dad would give in.

    Last year she screamed and swore at my husband hung up the phone on him when her parents were sick and he offered to help as much as he could but it wasnít good enough for her . She also stood him up for a football game in a city six hours away . Since that time I have been ready to drop kick her off the planet . She doesnít know whatís coming down the pike after her parents die . My husband may pander to her because he doesnít want to be schooled by his parents but I sure as heck am not. When her parents die she will be finding out exactly what I think of her bullying and diva tactics . She can bite my .....

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Oh, Seraphim I can so relate! I am right there with you!

    It is a very tough thing to swallow and I'd love to tell her what I think but right now isn't the time and no doubt it will be futile.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    I was friends with sisters of partners in the past. It was nice. We could all meet for lunch, joke around together, have a good chat, even message now and then on how we're doing on a friend level.

    He has even said to me to not bother sending her a christmas gift as he knows what she is like and she will criticize it and put it down. (as she's apparently done this in the past with other people).
    THAT made me sad too. It just can't be nice. :(
    Yeah, you're never going to sit with her for lunch. Not gonna happen.

    Re: Xmas.....does she live nearby? Will you be spending Xmas with his family, and will you see her? If so, a Xmas card with a gift card (i.e. Amazon) is a nice thing to do, moderate dollar amount. If she criticizes it, so what? Just because she's a critical, miserable human, you can still be the nice, bigger person that you know you are, and give her a gift that you'd like to give.

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