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Thread: Son is dating a girl as old as his mother

  1. #1
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    Son is dating a girl as old as his mother

    I haven't met her yet, but this is grossing me out. She's 21 years older than him (the EXACT same age as my wife, his mother) and has a couple kids. He's just starting out in life. They work together (she is not in a position of power).

    Now, I have to say, this grosses my out, even though I'm sure she's taught him a thing or two. Seems like mommy issues. However I don't view what she's doing so much as predatory, as pathetic on her part (however, if the sexes were reversed and this was my daughter, I would be furious). I think she just wants a boy toy for validation and will discard him when somebody else comes along. He says "he loves her" and is very sensitive. This is not a sex-only sugar-momma thing to him. I don't want him to be crushed, but I just don't see this ending well.

    I probably shouldn't say anything negative, and just let him learn a life lesson, but I want to. What do you think?

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    Originally Posted by Unreasonable
    I probably shouldn't say anything negative, and just let him learn a life lesson, but I want to. What do you think?
    Yes, definitely say nothing. Most relationships end anyways for different reasons. But you haven't said what kind of woman is she. Maybe she's nice. I don't know. But this isn't going to "crush" him anymore than any relationship crushes anyone. Say nothing and see what happens.

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    Ouch...!

    If he's legally an adult, then you have to let him make his own mistakes, however much you want to grit your teeth. That's if it is a mistake of course. It's possibly more likely that as she gets older he will lose interest, rather than her losing interest in him, and find someone closer to his own age.

    What makes you think she wants a toy boy for validation?

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    None of your business who your son chooses to get involved with. Be polite and keep out of it and keep your opinions to yourself. Your son will get crushed many times before he settles down with the right woman in the right relationship - that's part of growing up and you need to respect your son enough to leave him to it.

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    What are their ages? You said you didn't "view this as predatory, as pathetic on her part". Therefore, I think your... step son is it? needs to live his own life and get her out of his system so to speak. Traditionally these types of relationships don't last, especially when the woman is that much older (i.e. kids).

    "I probably shouldn't say anything negative, and just let him learn a life lesson, but I want to. What do you think?"

    I think this is the best way to handle this since they are both grown and consenting adults.

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    Let it run its course. Otherwise he won't confide in you when he needs to. You COULD say something like "is dating allowed at work?" but beyond that, i would not step in unless he starts to talk about commitment or he gets involved in babysitting her kids...or unless you witness her doing something very controlling/abusive

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yikes. 😬All you can do is bite your tongue. You know if you say anything he'll rebel and it will drive him further to her. It will fizzle in time, it sounds unsustainable. Silence and patience are your best tools here. 🔧🔨. And as much as protective instincts may come out, he'll have to scrape his knees now and then if he learns to ride a bike.
    Originally Posted by Unreasonable
    She's 21 years older than him. He says "he loves her" and is very sensitive.

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    Originally Posted by NotMonday
    What are their ages? You said you didn't "view this as predatory, as pathetic on her part". Therefore, I think your... step son is it? needs to live his own life and get her out of his system so to speak. Traditionally these types of relationships don't last, especially when the woman is that much older (i.e. kids).

    "I probably shouldn't say anything negative, and just let him learn a life lesson, but I want to. What do you think?"

    I think this is the best way to handle this since they are both grown and consenting adults.
    He's 22 and my biological son. I don't know her personally but it doesn't seem like she's made a lot of good decisions in life, just my opinion. I do know he called my wife freaking out and tripping (probably marijuana) and begging "please mommy save me" when she got busted on a DUI and I think got some jail time. I don't know the whole story there because he and I don't talk that much, and I think he held out info to my wife. Plus she's working a minimum wage dead end job same as my son, which (no offense to anyone who might be in the same boat), just doesn't seem like an impressive place to be for somebody her age.

    Anyway, yeah, I won't say anything and just let whatever happens, happen. Maybe he'll learn something from it.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Being honest, I'd probably be put off as well, regardless of which respective sexes were at play. It looks like, between them being coworkers, the age gap, her having kids, and (if I remember correctly) your son's mild Asperger's, it would be quite a spider web to navigate should she and he both legitimately be considering it long-term. If your son is particularly sensitive, I'd be careful not to say anything to offend him or cause him to dig in. You'll want to be there for him in a supporting role should this fall apart.

    Sucks, but things like this happen when you can no longer keep your kids in your bubble of a household and family.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    At some point, a light bulb will go off. 💡 And he will say to himself 'who needs this crap?'

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