List of Rules??

My girlfriend of 4 years (the last two years, we bought a house and moved in together). She's 51...I'm 46 We had alot of issues the last 2 months and recently fought badly, but, while I was out of town, she contacted me and said she was moving out and did so while I was gone.

We somewhat reconciled, but she had some ground rules and wants a 6 month trial period before she moves back in.

Date exclusively.

Wants marriage and will not live with me again until so.

Once a day phone call.

Church together every Sunday.

And no social media (Facebook...etc)...

So, we hang out all the time, spend weekends together, have sex, conversations, dinner, but last week, i was told by some friends that she didn't deactivate her facebook, like I did. And I also saw that she had a recently added a "single" man to her friend's list. I confronted her and she said " I have so many friends, I don't know what happens" ( she has over 800 friends on FB). She unfriended him right away and we found out that when you deactivate FB, it gives you the option to come back in a week (it tricks you)". She immediately called a friend on speaker phone (so I heard the conversation), asked to look her up, and resolved it by deactivating again... so I have a friend of mine watching, but he says she isn't on FB or posting anything.

She tells me she wants to work it out with me, but...

Why did she move out?

It's just like we are dating again....

Is it the marriage part? She is 51....

And why her suggestion on no social media, but she was on FB?? Legitament mistake?

Is she making sure I'm not on FB while she is?? Is she playing the field while making sure I'm not so that she can come back if she doesn't find someone better?

Also, she has never cheated on me.....

No one should ever be forced into marriage, you either fully want to or you don't. But holding marriage over your head as an ultimatum, isn't right.

Are you religious? Do you go to church regardless if you were with her?

The FB thing is controlling and unnecessary. Does she feel threatened by someone on your FB? Personally though, someone giving me ultimatums like that, especially if I am allowed on FB or not, I would dump them.

No one needs a prison warden.

Whoa.

You guys are two grown adults. Do you really want to be putting in this kind of work for the sake of...what? A relationship that for the moment sounds deeply tense and distrustful, yet without cause. It would be one thing if one of you had cheated--because that's what it sounds like--but in this case it sounds like the main issue is just incompatibility. I mean, where'd the whole FB rule come in? What's the root of that?

I may be wrong, but the subtext of this sounds like she's maybe been wanting you to propose and you've maybe been reluctant. Maybe she wasn't clear on this, and now she's resentful, hence she's moving out of the house and creating rules that you won't live together until your married. If you want to be married, great. But if you don't, also great--it's not for everyone, but maybe you both have different values/goals for the future?

This is coming from someone that is going through a break up. We never had rules I never asked her who she’s with when she’s home who she’s talking to etc. she never did either. I never checked phones, emails, or who her Facebook friends are.

I would be cautious about what happens in the future if that’s what’s happening now. Maybe she’s scared of something from her past. Maybe she had those rules imposed on her. Maybe she’s getting nervous about her future and this is a way to mark all of her “checks.”

Talk to her. I don’t think having friends follow up or check on her is the way to go.

She tells me she wants to work it out with me, but...

Why did she move out?

It's just like we are dating again....

Is it the marriage part? She is 51....

And why her suggestion on no social media, but she was on FB?? Legitament mistake?

Is she making sure I'm not on FB while she is?? Is she playing the field while making sure I'm not so that she can come back if she doesn't find someone better?

 

Also, she has never cheated on me.....

We have no idea, OP. What did she say was the reason she was moving out? And wanted you to delete your social media?

If you two have never actually talked about the above, you have bigger communication problems than we can help you with.

Date exclusively.

Wants marriage and will not live with me again until so.

Once a day phone call.

Church together every Sunday.

And no social media (Facebook...etc)...

So are you saying you weren't exclusive with your girlfriend, that you didn't want to marry her, that you don't call her often, that you don't go to church and you were chasing girls on Facebook? Well then, I can see why she drew up these rules. She's looking for a stable, permanent, attentive relationship. If this is what you want too, then I don't see the rules as anything that you shouldn't already know.

I am not sure what happened before but it seems the trust is gone and this relatinoship is doomed to fail when you fail at one of the ultimatums

Sorry to hear this. What were all the fights about? 🤔. Were you cheating? She must have been pretty pissed to move out of her own home. 😡

Unfortunately she should have made all this clear before sticking around 4 years, buying a house and moving in together. It sounds like this has devolved into a war and are at each other's throats.

Where is she staying? Who is paying the bills, mortgage, etc? It's doubtful this is going to work because you are grossly incompatible and want completely different things. Can you afford to buy her out? 💰

My girlfriend of 4 years bought a house and moved in together. She's 51...I'm 46. she had some ground rules and wants a 6 month trial period before she moves back in.

Date exclusively.

Wants marriage and will not live with me again until so.

Once a day phone call.

Church together every Sunday.

And no social media (Facebook...etc)

Deleted, wrong thread!