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Thread: Husband too touchy feely with sister

  1. #11
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Oh, duh, sorry. I misread.

    Hmmm..then my reply changes. It is unusual but not threatening in my opinion. It would be somewhat annoying but at the end of the day, who cares?
    I'm not invalidating your feelings but it's his sister. I can't see how it would ever be a threat. Annoying, yes, but threat, no.

    I'd just take it with a grain of salt and ignore it.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Oh, Jesus. I likewise misread, relating to something I didn't even need to.

    It's his sister. They're not banging behind the couch while you're not looking. Get over it or dump him. I hug and kiss all of my sisters routinely, and I'll lock arms with them whenever and wherever they damn well want me to. If my lady had a problem with it, I'd divorce her tomorrow. He's her baby brother. It's honestly either excessively puritanical or outright perverse that people take offense to this kind of dynamic. Uncomfortable to the extent they don't want to be around it? Fair enough. Nip it at the bud and dump him. But beyond that, creating a grudge or snowballed resentment over it? I genuinely can't understand.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I agree j.man. I can't see it, OP. If it was sister in law, yeah, but sister? Makes no sense to me why you're so bothered. You need to turn the jealousy down massively.

  4. #14
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    It's his sister. Get over it!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Honestly, I think this is one of those things you're going to have to find a way to accept...or not. I'm not saying it's cool or disrespectful--to each his/her own--but family is family, and those dynamics predate romance. Did he behave this way when you were dating? When you were engaged? If so, why would you expect it to change?

    I'm not saying this is your fault, just that family is generally something that can't be changed.

    Could it at all be that the issue here isn't only the sister, but the fact that 6 months into marriage you're already feeling your husband is being complacent, not romantic enough? If so, that's the kind of stuff you can talk about, and maybe if he's putting in effort to do "cute" things with you the sister stuff won't seem so pronounced?

  7. #16
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Brother spoon-feeding sister and sister speaking to an adult brother like a baby seem like endearment to me... however it is over the top endearment that has been accepted by them as "normal sibling love."

    Your two choices... stay or leave, because their relationship dynamic isn't going to change just because you are in the picture now.

    If you choose to stay, maybe you should try to spoon-feed him in front of her and call him "my boo boo" like a baby just for kicks.

  8. #17
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    My he feels your lack of affection? Does your family lack of outward affection also extend to spouses? I know when I met my husband I had to teach him what a open affection was. He was totally creeped out by displays of affection because of the way he was brought up .

  9. #18
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LootieTootie
    Brother spoon-feeding sister and sister speaking to an adult brother like a baby seem like endearment to me... however it is over the top endearment that has been accepted by them as "normal sibling love."

    Your two choices... stay or leave, because their relationship dynamic isn't going to change just because you are in the picture now.

    If you choose to stay, maybe you should try to spoon-feed him in front of her and call him "my boo boo" like a baby just for kicks.
    With all due respect, no to this last suggestion. Nothing good comes from passive aggressive drama, and the last thing you want is to create some kind of quasi-sexual triangle that only exists in your mind.

    He's her little bro, end of story, and they're close. You're cool with that, and how they express it, or you're not. Is he bothered by the cold, touch-free way you deal with your own family, or does he accept it?

  10. #19
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    His sister is not “ another woman” but someone he grew up with as a little child . Someone who remembers him as a little child .

    My brother had a wife who despised the fact that he had a mother and a sister . She took away 20 years with my brother .

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Given that this is his sister, this is an argument where you come off looking bad and your husband is right to be annoyed. You should have resolved this BEFORE marriage. You sound incompatible in terms of what you consider appropriate intimacy between families. Each family has their own code of behaviours. You chose to enter a very touchy feely family. Trying to distance them after the marriage rather than having resolved the issue beforehand imo is very uncool. It also sounds like you wouldn't like her even without all that touchy feely stuff going on. Is that the case?

    What you see is probably a dynamic that started out when they were 6 and 4 year olds i.e. when he was indeed a baby. Some parents teach their older daughters to treat their younger kids like babies that they should take care of to avoid jealousy when the first born is "upstaged" by not being an only child any more. Some behaviours carry on to childhood.

    I can understand why you feel uncomfortable as you are from a family who was on the opposite end of the spectrum, and the spoon feeding part does sound over the top to me too. If it creeps you out to the point that you can't accept it, then sadly you should probably divorce due to irreconcilable differences. You are not to blame for how you feel but neither is he.

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