My exes' manipulation worked on me- but now my sense has returned

First of all thanks for all of the feedback to my last post(s). I really did let what all of you said sink in and it did help.

Okay, so since my last post(s) things haven't been easy and I felt really stupid and embarrassed about everything. For anyone who didn't read my last post(s), I basically fell into the 'one-up' trap of giving my ex the supposed satisfaction of 'winning' the battle.

After much (painful) reflection I realise that my reaction was based on the fact that my ego was bruised. I won't lie, I felt good about knowing that I had finally 'won' a 5-year long war with an ex who had control/the upper hand for the majority of those years. I've been doing amazing in my life and I felt good about that. He managed to temporarily break that for me and I just couldn't handle being under him all over again. I realise now that this 'battle' was nonsense. It didn't matter who 'won' because there are no winners or losers here. We are just two people who didn't work out. Anything other than that is irrelevant.

I recognise all the errors on my part with this latest episode and I'm not feeling amazing but definitely a lot better after being honest with myself that I judged the situation wrong and handled it the wrong way.

I'm glad I didn't fall into that 'lets be friends' crap. I don't believe in it and I made thaf clear to him. Yes I regret losing my cool and acting crazy but I'm over that now. I have forgiven myself. He has a manipulative nature that I allowed to work on me for a hot minute but now I think my senses are gradually returning.

It's been a week. I'm putting this behind me as lessons learnt.

I also realise that my tendency to be too nice is not a bad trait- I am a nice person. I want to continue to be a nice person. The difference is, I want to direct this niceness towards those who deserve it. A lot of the responses I've read made me realise that there's a time and a place for being polite and that time is not with an ex, especially when they don't display the same behaviour.

I am not looking for sympathy. I am not saying that I am not a fool for not blocking and deleting him years ago. Things had been fine with the occasional text here and there..I had no issue with responding and just keeping things light and civil. There had not been one single argument in all that time. And yet here I am, back at square one with all the same question marks and pains I had before

Super curious how you went from 'not' a victim to a full blown victim.

Dont do this, its going to make your healing soooo much longer.

Accept his part, accept your part, FORGIVE yourself for allowing yourself to hang on for as long as you did and let go.

Please dont go down the victim road, it is a complete waste of time and energy and will keep you stuck, youve already been stuck for a year, arent you sick and tired of this?

Did you block him?

This is what I don't like about posting and one of the reasons why I stopped for so long. Don't get me wrong figureitout123 I do see that you are coming from a good place and I understand/appreciate the premise of your message. I think you have misunderstood where I'm coming from though. I don't get all this 'victim' stuff when I don't think I have portrayed myself as one/not one. I have tried to be very transparent about everything that has happened and I have not tried to paint either myself or my ex in neither a good or a bad light. I am stating things that are factual and yes, I understand if someone were to look back through every post from day 1 it is a very long story and therefore it can be hard for me to convey the exact nature of every single situation that has happened. I just don't like when people use words like 'victim' because I have never tried to claim to be one/not one. I come on here to talk about a topic that I have struggled with on and off for a while. I appreciate the feedback I get and I do listen. I have acknowledged that I handled this particular situation wrong and now know what to do moving forward. Yes I have blocked and deleted him.

I don't know what part of any of what I've said today would bring up conclusions of 'victim'. Sorry that's just one word that always touches a nerve

Codi, I apologize if thats not the road you were going. Im sure you can understand my mistake give your post is literally titled:My exes' manipulation worked on me- but now my sense has returned.

I'm glad you posted this. Bravo for finally seeing the light and for all the realizations you've come to. I think it's incredible and quite powerful of you to recognize that a lot of it was about ego and an imaginary competition that really.....wasn't there. That takes some serious self reflection and personal growth. I think this applies to a lot of posters who just can't let go or have trouble moving on from bad relationships - they just can't admit to themselves that they are stuck on ego and on this competition that they think they must win or else they'll feel low about themselves....except that there is no competition. So again, thank you for posting and I hope that your realizations will lead other people to come to the same conclusions.

Why were you in a 5 year old battle with an ex to get the upper hand instead of deleting, blocking and trying to keep distance? Were you broken up during those 5 years of "fighting"? What battle was there to have with an ex for 5 years? I didn't understand.