Is There A Chance He Comes Back

My boyfriend and I were together for 6 years. He is 24 and I am 27. During the course of our relationship we had our ups and downs but we never broke up and we supported one another though good times and bad. As he finished up his last year of under grad he decided he wanted to go to med school. During this time we talked about our future and where our relationship was heading. Though these conversations we decided that we wanted to get married someday and that we were the ones for one another.

This past year he told me that if he got into school out of state he would want me to move with him. He got into and decided to go to a local school and told me that he was going to propose during the summer. He then started talking about wanting to live together when he started school. I agreed and we said we would move in together in July. As the year went on a mutual friend was telling me he was talking about a proposal and how he was going to do it ( I know she shouldn't have told me this but she was very excited for us.) In mid May we started looking for apartments and we had a discussion about where we would live. He wanted to live in the city where he was going to school but then I would have to drive an hour for work one way. He agreed this would be a long commute and we began to look a places that were in between. At the beginning of June I noticed he was more distant then he usually was. I asked him about this and he told me he was just stressed about finishing a project at work before he started school and getting everything ready for school. We found an apartment we liked and had a day picked to sign the lease. The day before we were to sign the lease I went to his house for dinner and he broke up with me. He said that his reasons were he had only dated me and didn't know if our relationship was a good one because he had nothing to compare it too. That over the last month he had been thinking about it and decided that he loves me but he needs to be single. I was completely blind sided by this considering everything that had been happening. He then gave me back my moms ring ( which I didn't know that he had) and said he was planning to propose on my birthday but couldn't go though with it with how he was feeling. We talked for a few hours and then I left.

We were in no contact for a month when we met up to exchange items. We ended up going for coffee after and had a good conversation. When we were saying goodbye he told me that he missed me and said he was unsure about us now. We talked for a while longer and decided that we would start talking again. It was not a relationship but we were keeping the lines of communication open. Over the next few days we talked about our relationship and if we were to get back together what we would need from the relationship. We met up for dessert a little over a week after we started talking and he told me that he couldn't continue this anymore. That he still wanted to see what was out there and this was just hurting the both of us. We have been in no contact for a month.

I just feel so confused about his whole thing. I'm doing my best to move forward and heal myself, but it's hard to not have some hope that we reunite in the future. Has anyone else had a similar situation? Has anyone ever gotten back with an ex after a period of time where you both dated other people? Any advice would be apricated.

Hi winny, I'm sorry about your break up. I understand how this can be especially difficult seeing as you two were planning the future together.

While it is possible that he may "get it out of his system" and later return, no one knows for sure. I have heard of reconciliations like this, and usually they occur after either a relatively short (3-6 month) or very long separation (2-5 years). Going through a breakup myself, I know that it isn't healthy to cling on to these statistics. The healthiest choice you have is treating this breakup as permanent and going through the mourning process accordingly.

Was this your first serious relationship? If so, it could be healthy for you to also date around, when you're ready, at least to get a new perspective on the types of people out there and gain some wisdom. Try to learn from this breakup, where the relationship could've improved, what you and he could've changed or done different, etc. I can say I've been on this ride before and can guarantee you that regardless of the outcome, you will heal and eventually reach a point where you really don't care if your ex returns or not. Let us know if you have any other questions :)

I just feel so confused about his whole thing. I'm doing my best to move forward and heal myself, but it's hard to not have some hope that we reunite in the future. Has anyone else had a similar situation? Has anyone ever gotten back with an ex after a period of time where you both dated other people? Any advice would be apricated.

I wouldn't hold out hope that you'll get back together. This is typically the way men break up. He might have met another girl or he decided you didn't fit into his plans as a doctor. To a guy, career is the number one priority while for women it's family. It just demonstrates the differences between the sexes. He's made a decision that you would be a distraction and he ended it.

I would advise you to stop contacting him and go totally No Contact. Any future meetings will just be painful. You should fill up your days with hanging out with friends and family, exercising, going out, and doing things you enjoy doing. You need to work this guy out of your system and move on.

Yes, this was my first serious relationship. I wasn't expecting it to go anywhere or get as serious as it did. I'm doing my best to move forward. Some days are better then others. It's mostly trying to squish the hope that I'm having the hardest time with. I guess what I don't understand is how he went from I want to spend my life with you to I don't want us to be together so quickly. Any advice?

Sorry to hear this. You started dating when he was 18 and you were 21? He is too young for you because he is at a different life stage. You are talking about future, settling down, etc consistent with your age and he doesn't want any of that right now which is consistent with his age.

Stay no contact and delete and block him. He will not be in his late 20s/early 30s tomorrow.

Y I don't understand is how he went from I want to spend my life with you to I don't want us to be together so quickly.

At least 10% of divorced couples end up remarrying each other, though that stat may be higher as marriages are conducted on a state level. So, yes, it is possible.

Yes, this was my first serious relationship. I wasn't expecting it to go anywhere or get as serious as it did. I'm doing my best to move forward. Some days are better then others. It's mostly trying to squish the hope that I'm having the hardest time with. I guess what I don't understand is how he went from I want to spend my life with you to I don't want us to be together so quickly. Any advice?

Winny sorry you're probably in some pain. Wouldn't you rather know now than be married with a kid? He could have made a mistake and not even done this. Consider yourself luck, as some men don't even have the balls to be honest. I think you probably need the same thing he does. A bit more experience to know what you want.

Keep your chin up, go NC, and disappear from his life. Move on, get back to the person you were that attracted him and you'll have another relationship. Figure out what you REALLY want in a partner. The odds are he wasn't perfect. See where you can improve in your next relationship. I wouldn't even answer this guy if he did contact me. Show him he can't have his cake and eat it too and just move on. You trusted him, he broke that trust, and it's damn near impossible to get back. No matter how much you want it back, it probably won't work.

You've got to get your back, and the best way to do that is by going NC and moving on and worrying about yourself. Good luck, and keep your head held high. It's better that this happened now than when you lived together and or were married/engaged.