Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 9 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 84

Thread: Women think I'm creepy. I think I really, really just realized that.

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    330

    Women think I'm creepy. I think I really, really just realized that.

    I spoke to an old college friend on the phone some weeks ago. She's a former classmate from about 10+ years ago. Wonderful woman. When I met her she was a bit goth. Now she's a bit goth and a theoretical physicist. She used to tease me about being creepy a long time ago. I mistook it for flirting. On the phone a few weeks ago she said I'm still creepy. I wasn't sure any longer if it was "flirting". She specifically suggested the nature of my creative practice was "dark" and "creepy" which I think is unfair. I focus on influences from art from the western region of Africa from the period of 1600-1800s--wooden figurines covered in dirt, blood, spit, etc. It's beautiful.

    I invited a strange female artist to my place this evening. I came across her on Tinder. All her photos are of her wearing a mask. No faces. She's sometimes in a bikini. Often posing in unusual places. She lives in a van that has "The sadness is forever" spray painted on the side. She allowed me to take photos of her at my place, on a random late Sunday night. So the entire set up is... unusual. She kept remarking on how I'm creepy. It was confusing. At a certain point I told her that I felt bad that she felt that way and that she can leave but she said, "No, I wouldn't stay here if I wasn't comfortable."

    So they are not the only two people to ever call my creepy but I'm confused by the entire thing. I make cynical art. I make somber work. It makes sense to me. I linger when I look at women. It's a bad habit but I know how I am. I gather my obsessions and habits into a creative form. It's positive. I'm unsettled that I come off as creepy so often but I can't tell if I should "OWN" it. I can't tell if these women are teasing me. As far as I'm concerned, I'm just me.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    29,279
    Gender
    Male
    Replied in one of your similar threads on this same topic: [Register to see the link]

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    330
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Replied in one of your similar threads on this same topic: [Register to see the link]
    Okay. I hear what you're saying. I will take that into account. What I'm trying to say however is that I don't necessarily think I'm creepy. Women have told I am. Do you think my insecurity about being called creepy is an esteem issue? If so I'm willing to sit on that idea and consider it.

    Oh wait, you're saying I may look unappealing and may come off as creepy for those reasons. That's possible. I'll dive further into that.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    3,356
    Your post honestly made my stomach clench up a little bit, because it was creepy

    The dirt, blood, spit thing is a bit creepy to me. I get why its beautiful - but if I went to a guys place and he had blood covered figurines, Id be out.

    WHYYYY on earth did you invite someone just wearing a mask over? That is so bizarre. Why photos?

    The lingering thing will definitely come off as creepy too.

    Clearly there are women who like it though.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    29,279
    Gender
    Male
    There is a plethora of "dark" and controversial art out there. Nothing new under the sun. Plenty of Mapplethorpes, Pollocks, etc. out there. You should know if you went to art school or visit any museums. Nothing novel about it.

    If you are going for shock value that's not new either. It's trite by now and to anyone who has ever been to a world class museum. What is "creepy" is the whole misunderstood genius thing and all self important, self absorbed stuff. It just comes off as arrogant and off-putting rather than "artistic".

    Just be yourself and do your artwork for you and stop trying to gain approval or attention from dates, gf, friends, etc. Focus on getting your artwork displayed at shows, fairs, whatever.
    Originally Posted by oscuro
    She specifically suggested the nature of my creative practice was "dark" and "creepy". they are not the only two people to ever call my creepy.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,007
    Gender
    Female
    Forget about using other women as your benchmark. Use your own instincts.

    You violate other people's boundaries with your art and your lingering. Similar (ironically?) to how Jenny Holzer violates viewers boundaries with her projection of loaded and/or offensive sentences.

    As you say, it's just who you are. It IS what gives a creepy feeling. To decreepify, (1) move the art to a studio, so that when entertaining you open your space to a broader audience and broader variety of atmospheres. (2) stop lingering with your eyes. You are objectifying strangers so that your visual memory can later inform your art, which I understand. Often to paint etc we must objecify the subject. A certain emotional distance between photographer or painter and subect, I get it.

    However, these unknown people did not agree to be your subjects. Therefore lingering looks violate the boundary between you as stranger to stranger. It is creepy, mildly threatening, and disrespectful to ignore that boundary among strangers.

    Change these two things and your creepiness will decrease. If you retain them, then claim them. Know that these behaviors will create a boundary between you and others, and consider whether that is your intention.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    15,816
    I agree with wiseman. It comes across as trying too hard to put across a certain image. A bit pretentious and arrogant.
    That's just me.

    If you want to be serious about art, do it. Dig in, learn about all kinds of art, get your stuff out there and develop as an artist.

    This just strikes me as 'high school' ish mentality with jocks, nerds, artists, goths blah blah blah. It only serves to insulate you from from broadening your mind.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Sixth Circle of Hell
    Age
    36
    Posts
    246
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by oscuro
    I invited a strange female artist to my place this evening. I came across her on Tinder. All her photos are of her wearing a mask. No faces. She's sometimes in a bikini. Often posing in unusual places. She lives in a van that has "The sadness is forever" spray painted on the side. She allowed me to take photos of her at my place, on a random late Sunday night. So the entire set up is... unusual. She kept remarking on how I'm creepy. It was confusing. At a certain point I told her that I felt bad that she felt that way and that she can leave but she said, "No, I wouldn't stay here if I wasn't comfortable."
    She certainly can't talk.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    7,446
    If you produce art which is covered with dirt, blood, spit etc, some people will find it creepy. It will chime with some other people, especially if they're interested in the darker side of life (I know a few artist friends who I'm sure would be interested in your work). When your date described you as 'creepy', was it actually a compliment? Going by your description of her, it's an adjective which also applies to her. However, it might be useful for you to find out what she meant.

    The kind of guys I'd describe as 'creepy' are the ones who stare in an intrusive way or otherwise invade my personal space, like asking intrusive questions. A male friend of a friend, someone I didn't know and had never met, once went through all the photos of me on FB and 'Liked' every one of them, concluding with the comment "You are sooooo pretty nutbrownhare..." I blocked him immediately because I found it creepy - regardless of how he presented himself or apparently normal he looked.

    I've also met people who were into the black leather goth look with makeup intended to make them look like vampires or zombies, who weren't creepy at all.

    I'll just leave you with this little clip from Woody Allen. For some reason your post reminded me of it.

  11. #10
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Posts
    925
    Can I ask why you are dating so soon out of a relationship?

Page 1 of 9 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •