Jealousy with mother

Hey guys! I just told my parents about my long distance relationship about two months ago, and my mom has been very wishy washy with it. At first she acted like she was happy, and now she's been treating me passive aggressively. She makes snide remarks a lot, and we got into a huge argument today over it. Me and my boyfriend have known each other for 6 years now, and my mom feels like i'm dumping her. I try my best to make time for them both, but you know with long distance relationships, you develop a schedule for when you can talk. Its not only that, I live in a very stressful household, and we basically take care of my sister's 4 year old son. I'm usually pretty stressed after coming back from talking to my mom, so I haven't been wanting to talk to her as much. I've told her this and she takes it the wrong way and blows up at me, so honestly talking does nothing for us. I feel like if I feel happy, she wants to make me miserable. Today was our two year anniversary, and that's when the fight happened and it makes me sad that my mom wants to all over the relationship. I get it that she's my mom and yeah spend time, but what do you do when they make you upset all the time? Is there any suggestions or anybody else going through this? Thanks!

Not sure if you are living with your parents or on your own. If you are, it would be helpful for you to be on your own, with your own place.

I think back to where I was in my 20s, and my mom had a hard time transitioning from dictating my life, to respecting me as an adult. My older brother and his gf had the same issue with my mom. At some point, I made a decision to try not to take her "advice" (demands) personally. I didn't get mad or overreact. But I didn't necessarily do what she "suggested".

At first it made her mad, and she tried even harder. I calmly thanked her for her wisdom, and thanked her for all she had done for me, but told her that I was old enough to make my own choices. And that I knew I would make the wrong decisions sometimes, but that I had to learn on my own. I told her I loved her. I did not get hooked into a fight (although it was tempting).

Somehow my shift in how I reacted, resulted in a shift in how she reacted - eventually. But - I realized that I could only change how I behaved - and when she changed her ways, that was a bonus.

My older brother and his gf were amazed, because my mom was still treating them the old way. They asked me my secret and I told them what I am telling you. I basically acted like a calm adult, so she treated me that way.

My mom is elderly now, and has dementia. She has lost her words. I so wish I could access her wisdom now, but it was so necessary to break away when I was young.

Your mom may feel desperate to lose your help and companionship. Tell her you love her and that will never change.

Great advice above and I hope you heed it. You cant control what your mother says to you but you can control how you react to it.

Uh, wait a minute. Have you ever met this guy in person? How would your mother not know that you're involved in a 6-year long, long distance relationship unless this is all in your mind? Internet relationships are not real, and this guy could already have a girlfriend, or have emotional problems that keeps him from relating with people. Is your mom doing is trying to protect you from doing something?

Uh, wait a minute. Have you ever met this guy in person? How would your mother not know that you're involved in a 6-year long, long distance relationship unless this is all in your mind? Internet relationships are not real, and this guy could already have a girlfriend, or have emotional problems that keeps him from relating with people. Is your mom doing is trying to protect you from doing something?

Maybe she's from a culture where relationships before marriage are not approved and that's why she had to wait 2 years to tell her mom she was in a relationship.

To the OP: I'd ignore and act calm. And also it might be a good idea to make plans to live on your own, if the situation at home is so stressful.

How old are you? Have you met him in person or is he an escape from your household stress? Deal with the chaos at home. This has nothing to do with jealousy.

with long distance relationships, you develop a schedule for when you can talk. I live in a very stressful household, and we basically take care of my sister's 4 year old son.