Loving reflection on a friend

I just want to write some reflections on a friend of mine. I know some good--and at times fascinating--people and I feel fortunate to know them.

One friend, I will call her X, made both my previous ex-girlfriends jealous and I couldn't take it seriously. Luckily this jealousy aspect never factored into the breakups. My most recent ex-gf came around and befriended X so it was no big deal. Let me describe the first time I met X.

I was attending an orientation at a graduate program. I knew X was going to be one of my classmates because we all spoke to each other through email leading up to it. Upon meeting her she said I was the primary person she wanted to meet. Her eyes grew larger. I stood there next to my girlfriend of that time. I could tell she was uncomfortable. X stood there with her boyfriend who looked... tired. X smiled widely, took a step towards me and greeted me as though she had always known me. This was extremely unusual. X was mostly a stranger. We had only spoken casually through email about our research and work for about two or three weeks. She shook my hand, looked directly in my eyes, and I knew my girlfriend was jealous. It was uncomfortable.

Eventually that girlfriend of mine left me. It was completely unrelated to X.

X is very model-esque. An attractive woman with great style. I'm a classical nerd with jeans and a shirt so when I'm around her and her friends I'm surprised that I'm even invited. X travels often. She's deeply passionate about ANYTHING she does which means she only does what she passionate about. It's intimidating. It's astounding. Yet somehow it's worked. As we speak I have no idea what she does for living. Lately she's been into fixing old cars and racing them in the desert. When she was younger, she tells me she used to date a wealthy Miami cocaine dealer. Later in life she became a professor. She's not teaching now though. Just racing cars and sharing a constant feed of photos of her car.

My most recent ex-gf was intimidated by X's style and beauty. It's unsettling. I loved my ex-gf. I never wanted her to feel jealous of my friend X but she did for a while. X is an alpha-female and it's amazing. Feminist. Does not need a man at all. No kids and she's in her 40s. Anyone who meets her knows that there's something special, provocative, and intense about her presence. I've rarely seen her weak and vulnerable but I feel fortunate that I have seen that side of her.

Somehow she has considered me special ever since she met me 12 years ago. I still don't know why. I love this woman and I know I could and should never date her and that's amazing to realize. To meet someone who's aura is so strong that you realize there's no reason to "date" the person. It's exciting watching her and being around her.

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So I'm partly sharing this because X shared a drawing that her younger brother drew of her years ago. It's a drawing that basically tells the whole story. Even her brother sees the same thing the rest of society does. She's gorgeous. Dangerous. And amazing.

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An actual photo of her.