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Thread: To go visit my family or not to go... that is the question...

  1. #11
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    Honestly, i would visit my sister in Texas if the plan is still on. Those are the plans you made. Don't go on the cruise. Stick with your plans before dad manipulated them.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    My dad is turning 70 as well and I feel like I “should” go but
    It's never a good idea to set up a 'should' for yourself only to knock it down and then feel lousy about that. If it's a matter of seeing more of Dad as his numbers get 'up there,' then make your own private plans with him that are suitable to you, and skip any trips that are NOT.

    If you don't want to go, contact the host and with a regret for not making the trip. Phrase it any way you want. "Something came up on my job. I won't be making the trip." (Something always comes up at work. You don't need to link that to the statement, "I won't" rather than "I can't".) Done.

    I’m just frustrated that this relationship turned out to be just like my other siblings where they are in my dad’s good old boys’ club and I have always been the outsider. I feel really uncomfortable going to Texas now and I don’t want to go.
    Be careful with circular arguments. If you WANT 'in' then participate. If you don't really want to participate, then don't tell yourself that you are 'left out'. That does something to your head that is unnecessary and not wise.

    Also consider that nobody's 'hiding' anything from you. Your Dad openly discussed paying for whatever he's paying for, and he extended the same treatment to you. Whether you can or won't accept is a different matter. So whenever you learn of special monetary treatment of a sibling, decide whether you want to ask for an equal handout, or whether the reason you don't is because you don't especially need it or want it at a given time. Then you can mentally credit Dad if you believe that he would give you something if you ask for it, and make room for Dad's generosity should any of your siblings mention a need or desire that he's fulfilled for them.

    The reason this is important is because it makes no sense to mentally position yourself along with Dad for a 'no win'. By comparing your interactions with him to those of your siblings, you're creating your own storyline where you are the loser every time. How does that serve you?

    I'd rather assume that Dad and everyone involved are doing the best they know how at any given time, and none of that reflects on you. If you want 'in' on anyone else's deal, you own the capacity to speak up and ask for it. If siblings are more vocal about their needs or desires, then that speaks of them, not you--so comparisons don't make any sense.

    Head high, and enjoy your family to the degree that you wish or can manage. Leave the rest alone, and keep your focus fixed on any private bonds you'll want to build with each person individually.

  3. #13
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    Be careful with circular arguments. If you WANT 'in' then participate. If you don't really want to participate, then don't tell yourself that you are 'left out'. That does something to your head that is unnecessary and not wise.


    Very wise advice. you can't say that you were not included --- when you were invited....

    I also think with dad being 70 -- if he wants to treat everyone so they have the opportunity to get together with eachother, i think you need to drop your feelings of 'all the years' and take it at face value for what it is. If you want to go - go, if you don't want to go, fine, but don't NOT go if you are not going because you feel your father favored your half siblings over the years.

    People shower more money over children out of guilt, the different relationship they had with different exes and what the ex would allow, as well as capability (kids that didn't have as much opportunity or didn't have the smarts to get as ahead as others)

  4. #14
    Gold Member Nebraskagirl14's Avatar
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    To go visit my family or not to go... that is the question...

    Thank you all for your fantastic responses, truly. I am guessing I will end up not going. They will all be in LA in February for the cruise and I can see them at that time. It is very true that I need to stop the story of being left out. I guess the truth is that I could be a part of everything I want to be a part of and I choose not to for my own reasons. I also know that regret is a useless emotion an so I have to get into alignment with whatever decision I make and be okay with it. Thank you again you guys. Your replies were just really thoughtful and I so appreciated all of them.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This seems to be more of a win-win situation.🙂
    Originally Posted by Soulsister2010
    They will all be in LA in February for the cruise and I can see them at that time.

  7. #16
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    [QUOTE=Soulsister2010;7045758]T I guess the truth is that I could be a part of everything I want to be a part of and I choose not to for my own reasons.


    This is extremely introspective and honest. It is very refreshing. I love it when people experience growth vs deciding that they must be "right" in their life.
    Have a wonderful time with your family.

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