Become upset when my friends drink a lot?

I am a heavy introvert and find large group settings draining. Whenever I have a party/clubbing event I try my best to fit in by talking a lot and acting extroverted. I don't like drinking and everybody knows this.

The problem is I feel left out when others binge drink to get drunk around me and become loud and obnoxious. I see those people (who are my very good friends) as selfish and their behaviour as unhealthy. It puts me in a position of spite and I usually refuse drinks and become designated driver because of it.

I assume my stress and judgement for these people is out of jealousy. But I have been drunk before and still feel the same way. My experiences haven't been great, but they haven't been negative either.

My conscious thought-process follows a simple path. I see alcohol as a drug like any other drug. Drugs are the opposite to self-improvement and are self-destructive. If I see my friends taking shots, I will join in just to keep up. But I won't take any more than 1 or 2 just to ensure I am being responsible and taking care of myself. I will then mediate the rest of the night with some standard drinks so that I don't go overboard. When I see my friends excited to take shot 3, 4 and 5, I get angry and upset. I don't know why and I don't know how to think differently.

I have an event tonight and don't want to go home feeling annoyed or upset. Please help me think differently.

Then don't go. I don't understand your getting angry. No one is holding a gun to your head.

Only hang out with them when there isn't a lot of alcohol involved.

I also suggest you make more friends that do not need to drink themselves to oblivion when going out.

Then don't go. I don't understand your getting angry. No one is holding a gun to your head.

 

Only hang out with them when there isn't a lot of alcohol involved.

 

I also suggest you make more friends that do not need to drink themselves to oblivion when going out.

My thoughts exactly. I'm not a big drinker and have been the DD more times than I can count but it never bothered me because I knew I was going to get my friends home safely.

Your negative attitude makes me wonder why you hang out with these people whom you dont seem to care for. You dont have to drink any more or less than you want to, so be true to yourself and do what works for you when it comes to alcohol.

It is time to find friends who you something more in common with.

I had a friend in college who didn’t like to drink (actually, she still doesn’t for a lot of the reasons you cited). Actually, she’s still a great friend.

She loved to dance, and since she didn’t like to drink, she was always our DD. We loved it when she came out! Not only was she fun and an awesome dancer - but she was very happy to make sure we all got home safely.

... but I will tell you, that if she tried to control us or how much we drank or had a bad attitude, she would not have been invited out with us. It’s a party killer.

I don’t really understand why you would get upset. You are all individuals entitled to your own choices and your own beliefs. Stick to your priciples by all means! But to try to make other people see things the way you see things or behave the way that you would behave is just controlling.

In my opinion, you either need to accept them as they are or find a different group of friends who share your interests and beliefs.

Trying to change other people never goes very well...

Perhaps this is no longer your idea of a fun night out (and understandably so). My method was just to drive myself and let folks know in advance that I had to duck out early. Once the party started to get too drunk for my comfort; I would just say goodbye and head out. With so many ride options these days, you shouldn't have to end up as DD if you don't want to. Those folks never really became my inner circle even though we are still friendly many years later. But we just really didn't have the same interests at the end of the day. Sounds like your situation here. Maybe you're just plain old bored with it.

I feel you because at some point of my life I was in a similar situation. My advice in a nutshell: Find new friends, do other things with your time. That doesn't mean rejecting your old friends, just don't join them for (heavy) drinking.

For me I went through different phases:

- Drinking a lot while going out. Everybody did and we didnt know other way to have fun

- Stopped drinking so much but continue going out. I was tired of feeling like the day after + I also realized I was much more successful with the females if not drunk

- Little by little, got into new hobbies that actually made mea better person instead of a drunk cycling, reading, climbing, cooking, skiing etc. etc.... Still friend with my old buddies but dont do drinking with them. Dont waste my time in bars unless for special occasions. Got many other friends that share my view. Met less girls than before but way more interesting ones, and also I was way more attractive in their eyes.

So yeah, dont stick with your drunk friends if you dont want to!

As a fellow introvert, although not as deep or baseline, I also do not like to party much, but many of my friends do. I find it boring and honestly can't be bothered getting on it with them every weekend. So, I don't. I found a more suitable and less alcohol fuelled pastime and have made other friends there. I think you should do the same.

Getting angry and going along with the drinking to fit in isn't the way to go, OP. Neither is judging those who choose to part-take. They are not forcing you to do anything, so I am guessing you're actually angry at yourself for not having strong boundaries and turning down a drink when you don't actually want it.

There's nothing wrong with not drinking or not liking the club scene. I have never been a fan myself, either. But I think you need to start seeking out friends who are more similar to you and unwind in other ways.

Maybe you're hanging with the wrong crowd?

You don't need to think differently, you sound very mature with a good head on your shoulders. The only problem you have is hanging out with the wrong people.

Find people more like yourself, people who can have a good time without getting wasted. You'll be much happier.

Don't be this desperate to keep or make friends or impress anyone. Do what is right for you without contempt for the lifestyle of others. Are you in a frat house or do you work in clubs/bars? Why are you in the middle of these heavy drinking "events"?

Just order soda and do not offer to be the driver. If they get rowdy, don't go or leave. Better yet make new friends who share the values of a healthy lifestyle and/or clean living. Why not get involved in sports, groups or clubs which better reflect your interest and values?

Whenever I have a party/clubbing event. If I see my friends taking shots, I will join in just to keep up.

I don't get it. Why are you looking down your nose and judging people and if you think these people are just sooo beneath you, then why even try to fit in? Move on and find others who are more up to your standards. You have quite a chip on your shoulder....or rather a giant boulder.

If you don't like drinking, then don't. You are not unique or special that way. Lots of people don't. I've personally never been a drinker and I definitely don't get drunk. I simply don't like it. That has never stopped me from partying or having fun. Certainly, never entered my mind to judge friends who like to get wasted. Drinking to fit in? Grow up. Ultimately understand this - nobody is as interested in you and what you are/aren't drinking and how much as you are interested in other people. People don't care as much as you imagine. You are living in your own self created nightmare and it's a party of one.

Would it make sense to smoke 1 or 2 cigarettes a day only to resent anyone who smokes 3 or 4?

Would it make sense to hate gambling but sentence yourself to spending your precious free time in casinos to bore yourself 'around' chosen friends?

You don't need to 'dump' your friends, but your can limit your exposure to the stuff you don't like by inviting them to join you in stuff you DO like. Meanwhile, explore your own interests by yourself in order to meet and add new friends to your life. This will diffuse your dependency on any given friend(s) and expand your OWN options in how you'll spend your time.

The problem is I feel left out when others binge drink to get drunk around me and become loud and obnoxious. I see those people (who are my very good friends) as selfish and their behaviour as unhealthy. It puts me in a position of spite and I usually refuse drinks and become designated driver because of it.

 

I assume my stress and judgement for these people is out of jealousy. But I have been drunk before and still feel the same way. My experiences haven't been great, but they haven't been negative either.

 

My conscious thought-process follows a simple path. I see alcohol as a drug like any other drug. Drugs are the opposite to self-improvement and are self-destructive. If I see my friends taking shots, I will join in just to keep up. But I won't take any more than 1 or 2 just to ensure I am being responsible and taking care of myself. I will then mediate the rest of the night with some standard drinks so that I don't go overboard. When I see my friends excited to take shot 3, 4 and 5, I get angry and upset. I don't know why and I don't know how to think differently.

 

I have an event tonight and don't want to go home feeling annoyed or upset. Please help me think differently.

You don't enjoy drinking, and you don't enjoy being around drunk people. So, why are you torturing yourself?

There's nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do. These are just your preferences. You don't need to come up with reasons to justify them.

Instead of changing your feelings, why don't you just respect yourself. Only hang out with these friends when they are sober. Cultivate new friendships with people who don't drink. It's much easier than trying to change who you are.

Can you please clarify? You are the designated driver yet you are taking two shots and having more drinks throughout the night?

The DDs I have gone out with do not even have one drink. Usually the bar will provide free soft drinks or juice to reward them for volunteering to be the DD.

I sure hope I read that incorrectly...

You don't need to think differently, you sound very mature with a good head on your shoulders. The only problem you have is hanging out with the wrong people.

 

Find people more like yourself, people who can have a good time without getting wasted. You'll be much happier.

I agree. I've never been drunk, have over the years enjoyed my occasional half glass of wine (I am a total lightweight) and did not have fun being around drunk people and sometimes felt scared if driving was involved. I also as late as in my 40s was teased/called out for not drinking. Ridiculous. I also found friends, as SherrySher suggestions, who can have a good time without getting wasted.

You getting upset, annoyed, and judging them is a sign that it's time to find other things to that probably don't involve them. It's okay, we all go through this at some point. Don't ignore your feelings. Use that as motivation to try new things. Eventually you'll meet new people who aren't into heavy drinking. It's okay to be alone for a while too. That way you can really hear yourself and figure out what it is that you truly want to do and not just go along with the crowd.