Going away with a female friend whilst in a relationship.

I am an early 20's man, I have been in a relationship for 2.5 years and friends with the girl for a long time. They have met and I believe like each other.

We were intending to go with another friend but he can't afford it. Now we're looking at going just the 2 of us. We would be staying in separate rooms.

Is this normal/acceptable?

Yes. At least in Western countries. What country are you in? It could be illegal in Muslim countries. In some Asian countries it might be considered improper.

All that matters is what your gf thinks. Why isn't your gf going?

I am an early 20's man, I have been in a relationship for 2.5 years and friends with the girl for a long time. Now we're looking at going just the 2 of us. We would be staying in separate rooms.

It's skating a fine line, but I would ask your girlfriend how she feels about it.

She said it's fine and she would like us to go on holiday sometime.

It would make my friend a 3rd wheel which is slightly unfair.

She said it's fine and she would like us to go on holiday sometime.

 

It would make my friend a 3rd wheel which is slightly unfair.

It is unfair to invite your girlfriend because your female friend would feel left out? That sounds rather backwards to me, but if your girlfriend gave your her blessing, I am not really sure why you're asking us.

Do you suspect your girlfriend is not being totally honest about her feelings on this?

I understand that perspective, but it's her families accommodation we're going to.

She said it's fine and she would like us to go on holiday sometime.

 

It would make my friend a 3rd wheel which is slightly unfair.

isn't there a fourth friend, a guy, that could come? girls in one room, boys in another? could be fun! especially, if like you say, your gf and female friend like each other.

I like to think people are mature enough to handle this dynamic. but i have a feeling if you go, it could be over when you get back. and that is not an insult to anyone.

but..... she wonders what will happen, why haven't you been on a holiday? maybe you really like your female friend and are using her to get the friend....

that's how insecurities speak to us.

or worse its a test. she just pretended to be ok with it.

or even worse your female friend really likes you.

don't ask us what this trip says to them. ask them. be sure everyone knows and your girl does not doubt you bc otherwise she's making out with some (what do you say in the UK? ) some BLOKE at the bloody bar, mate.

because she didn't know what was happening. some other guy sees your nice girl... she thinks well, if he doesn't care.

Unfortunately due to time constraints and other plans no one is really available, it's quite short notice due to an opportunity.

We couldn't go on holiday because of money and there lack of. I've offered several times to try and get us booked somewhere.

I'm hoping it's not a test as it will make for a messy situation.

I do care and I think I've done my best to show that and consider her feelings.

I understand that perspective, but it's her families accommodation we're going to.

That wasn't my question. What did you girlfriend say when you told her it's just going to be you and your female friend?

'How would I feel?' I said if it was her closest male friend I would be fine

That’s not really giving you an “okay” answer. She’s gaging how you would feel if it was reversed. You’ll need to get more of an answer from her then that.

'How would I feel?' I said if it was her closest male friend I would be fine

That's all she said about it?.....if so....LOL....you have a lot to learn about women and you'll be leaning it the hard way. Better talk to her again and this time get a real answer.

She doesn't want to tell you "NO", she wants you to figure out for yourself that this is not appropriate, aka....you should know already.

'How would I feel?' I said if it was her closest male friend I would be fine

So, she is not okay with this.

We generally don't pose questions like that unless we think our partners lack consideration of our feelings, and can't/won't consider why we don't love their choices.

'How would I feel?' I said if it was her closest male friend I would be fine

If she is asking how you would feel, then she is not ok. We don't say "how would you feel?" when someone asks us how we would feel about winning the lottery. Because it's good. Everyone would feel good!

We say "how would you feel?" when we want the other person to see how it sucks for us.

Let me ask you, "how would you feel if she dumped you?"

I agree with the other poster that said you have some things to learn about women. "How would you feel?" is not as open a question as it sounds. It's actually a leading question. To lead you to how she feels. She is not ok with this.

I can't speak for others, but this would be a deal breaker for me. Not so much for the opportunity to go away, but more so for not showing more consideration, and respect for her.

JMO...

Just don't. You're asking because somewhere in your head you know this isn't right and it's not. It's pushing things too far with this female friend and it's crossing lines that you shouldn't be crossing.

Your gf is saying "fine" but she is more than likely hoping you're smart enough to cancel now that the guy friend bowed out.

There's certainly nothing "wrong" with going on a trip with a female friend.

But I think the fact that you're posting on here means you have an itch in your mind that it's not truly something your gf (or even you) are comfortable with.

A lot of people would have problems with this, and at a young age a lot of people pretending to be "fine" and "cool" with things they're not fine or cool with. If you at all feel that's what your gf is doing, this trip isn't worth it.

If you're smart, you won't go.

It's like someone saying "It's nothing! I'm FINE!" when you ask if they're mad about something.

^

As women, we all know the real meaning of these phrases.

'How would I feel?' I said if it was her closest male friend I would be fine

Uh oh. It doesn't sound like she is ok with this.

Your girlfriend is not happy about it. If you're smart you won't ... but I have a strong feeling that no matter how many people advise against it, you'll still go anyway.

Hope it's worth the "opportunity ". Why is it "short notice"? Will her family be there? It sounds like this 'cheap offer' with her is so irresistible you don't really care if you have a gf when you get back or not.

it's her families accommodation we're going to. it's quite short notice due to an opportunity.

It's probably best you find a third friend to go with you. It looks bad.