need advice, am I crazy?

My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. We have a great life together and a great relationship. I don't think he'd ever cheat. He got an email notifying him that he'd been invited to a Facebook group from someone neither of us knows. It was a private sex group. The admin of the group was no one we knew, I think maybe it's a fake profile. My husband never checks his email or goes on Facebook. I wasn't snooping, we have access to each other's email. I went on FB and declined the group invite for him, he knew I was doing it. But now I'm obsessed with finding out who invited him to the group! The private group is still there, with only a handful of members, but no admin anymore. I think it has to be someone who knows my husband! Should I just move on? My husband claims no knowledge of anyone it could be. But it's driving me crazy thinking someone we may know invited him to a sex group! Help! This is making my anxiety unbearable.

If you've been married 20 years, I understand you're probably not exactly a millennial, but you should surely be aware of what the internet is and the unsavory bits of randomness it can bring. "Crazy" may be a strong word, but I would say top tier irrational.

I've had random contacts through Facebook that were inappropriate, over the years. I think nothing of it after I delete/block. Respectfully, do you have enough going on in your life? Are there trust issues in your great life together and great relationship? And, what does this have to do with cheating -isn't that a leap? Let's say for example that at some point he met someone who was starting a private group related to sex. Let's say he joked around about it with that person which the person took the wrong way. Then that person invited him to join, innocently thinking that the joke had been interest in joining the group. Now that's really far fetched that he actually ever knew this person in any way but even if he did what does it have to do with him that he gets an email on Facebook (that he never checks) inviting him? For all I know my husband's facebook has weird invitations (he never goes on it either). Wouldn't even occur of me to check even if I could, even if I saw an email.

I am married for almost 10 years. I get emails and invitations all the time for online dating sites. I was on online dating sites 12-13 years ago but no longer. Of course I ignore/delete them And they are not the dating sites I was on anyway. If my husband ever saw one of those emails I am sure he'd think nothing of it.

If you've been married 20 years, I understand you're probably not exactly a millennial, but you should surely be aware of what the internet is and the unsavory bits of randomness it can bring. "Crazy" may be a strong word, but I would say top tier irrational.

I agree. Let this go. I get unwanted solicitations in my email, and I have never used an escort, nor would I.

Thank you for your responses. My thinking was that the group was so small that it wasn't some widespread scam. Someone invited him specifically. I'm currently going through a period of intense anxiety and I guess I'm over thinking this.

Thank you for your responses. My thinking was that the group was so small that it wasn't some widespread scam. Someone invited him specifically. I'm currently going through a period of intense anxiety and I guess I'm over thinking this.

It doesn't have to be big for it to be a scam. Just like you declined, so will all other sane people. It doesn't mean that you won't get randomly targeted as someone is trying to start something up. It may also be that admin isn't there because someone reported them and FB will ban and delete these people. Can even be a bot and not a human at all. Welcome to the age of the internet. Just the other day I got a text on my phone from some random number, "someone really likes you, click here". Rolling my eyes as I block/delete. It's just crazy stuff out there, but do yourself a favor and see it for what it is.

What kind of "sex group"? 🧦🕶👙🎳 Is he friends with them on fb or other social media. Have you googled whoever invited him? Does he work with this person? Is this group local?

My thinking was that the group was so small that it wasn't some widespread scam. Someone invited him specifically.

Well, I keep getting contacted by various members of the Nigerian royal family to help them move their family fortune to the US, and I swear, I've never met any of them. I guess, maybe a friend recommended me. I just need to come up with $23,459 for bank transfer fees and they're going to let me keep $7 million for my help. Let me know if you want to go in on half with me.

OP, this kind of crap happens all the time on FB.

Unless he has given you a real reason not to trust him in your 20 years of marriage, you need to be more concerned about why you don't give him the benefit of the doubt here.

He may have innocently responded to an ad, done a search for something innocuous, etc. and that site's admins sold his info to this group.

Happens all the time; I get invited to join all kinds of groups I have no interest in or connection to (for example, the group for firefighters in a certain city, I am not a firefighter and I have never even been to that city).

Unless it was an email directly to his personal email notifying that his dating profile is about to expire...it's just a fishing expedition for someone trying to sell something.

Facebook and Twitter admitted just yesterday how they allowed their platforms to become weaponized.

Good point. Gotta love the terminology, 😁 "divisive filter bubbles" and "troll armies".

Facebook and Twitter admitted just yesterday how they allowed their platforms to become weaponized.

Here's an excerpt:

“Abuse, harassment, troll armies, propaganda through bots and human coordination, misinformation campaigns, and divisive filter bubbles — that’s not a healthy public square. Worse, a relatively small number of bad-faith actors were able to game Twitter to have an outsized impact.”

Do you freak out when either of your email accounts gets spammed with erectile cures and sex toys and pleas to send money to Nigeria? This is the FB equivalent of that, and you get to decide how much of your own stomach lining you'll want to ruin about it.

You could always just close down your privacy settings.

To be invited to a group, you have to be friends. I would have joined, and saw who was on it.

I get invited to lots of groups and I am not friends with any of the members.

Really? On Facebook? How do you invite people that you aren't friends with?

Really? On Facebook? How do you invite people that you aren't friends with?

Hacking. Same way you can end up tagged in photos you're not in by people you don't know in order to be drawn to view ads.