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Thread: Condolences

  1. #1
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    Condolences

    I donít know what to do, what would you do?

    There is a man that I care very deeply for even though he has been estranged with me for over a year. He cut me out of his life without a word. I still donít know why. There wasnít any fight or argument before it happened. The few attempts of me reaching out when it occurred resulted in silence so Iíve been no contact for the last 8 months. I was recently told that his last surviving parent has died. I want to reach out to express condolences but heís not speaking to me and his silence has made it pretty clear that he doesnít want to ever hear from me again so I donít know what to do. Reach out or continue on like I didnít know about the death since he didnít reach out to tell me? I still have hope that there will be reconciliation some day but if he ever found out that I knew and didnít reach out when I knew, thereíd be a whole other mess.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How do you know him? Is he married or living with someone? Is this a friend or lover or boyfriend? What does "platonically for an eighth of a century" mean? How did you find out about the death? There must be a reason he cut all contact.

    He didn't want contact for a long time and unfriended and blocked you. This is not the time to intrude on him. It's a time to respect his wishes and maintain no contact. Do not use this as an excuse to contact him.
    Originally Posted by Scarlet2
    Weíve known each other platonically for about an eighth of a century but progressed, or at least I thought we did, the last couple years. I want to reach out to express condolences but heís not speaking to me and his silence has made it pretty clear that he doesnít want to ever hear from me again.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member charity's Avatar
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    No you don't contact him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Don't contact him and don't hold on to hope of reconciliation. He's made it clear that he doesn't want communication with you.

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    I have to agree with the other posts. Don't contact him. I know it's hard for you and to me it seems that you still have not found closure on why he abruptly stopped talking to you. Sometimes people we care deeply about don't feel the same about us and the fact that he cut you out of his life without a word says alot about his character.
    You need to move on with your life and please let go of the hope of reconciliation. Why would you want someone so heartless in your life? He couldn't even respond to you and let you know why he doesn't want you in his life.

    You tried to reach out in the past and he responded with silence. He doesn't want to have you in his life and you need to move on. Stop trying to find out about how he is doing it is only making matters worst for you. Start a journal and write to him in that journal and hopefully that will help you find some peace.

    Best of luck.

  7. #6
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    I know that it hurts for someone to leave your life and not give you any kind of explanation or closure. Some people don't give closure, they just ghost and disappear and let you figure it out. He has shown you that he wants to be left alone. Close that door and let him go in your heart. Don't contact him. All you will get is further rejection from him, perhaps anger even, that you are bothering him during such a vulnerable time in his life and you will feel even worse. This is a life lesson that I learned: Don't try to hold on to people that leave your life or who hurt you repeatedly. The people that truly love and care for you will stay willingly--and will treat you with the love and respect you deserve. Good luck to you.

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    I disagree with the other posters. Itís a friend youíve known for a long time and you should without a doubt get in touch with him. However, I wouldnít text, I would send a card and write a nice message. For sure.

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    Do not contact him. He has shown you with silence that he does not want contact.

    Your message will mean more to you, than him. I think that you are using it as an excuse to reach out.

  10. #9
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    You had mentioned in earlier threads that this guy told you to leave him alone. Why do you persist?

    I suggest counseling, as it seems like an obsession after a year.

    It seems that this guy was done in 2015, not a year ago. Please seek counseling. This is really unhealthy.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 09-05-2018 at 11:56 AM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. Don't use his grief and private time with his friends/family for your own agenda. It's creepy. 😟
    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    it seems like an obsession after a year.

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