Will a dramatic weight loss get my ex's attention?

Today I am on Day 65 on NC, and over the past 2 months, I have worked my a**-off at the gym. I have lost a total of 26 pounds (I was chubby during most of my relationship).

While I am not working out with the goal of attracting or impressing my ex, I can't help but think how she will react if and when she sees new pictures of me when I am in top-shape, for the first time in 10 years (I should be there just in time for the Holiday Season, if not November).

Work colleagues, family and friends are commenting on my great results. I do have to admit that it is helping me tremendously, I feel way more confident, and overall I look healthier and younger - not to mention that this is a major boost to my confidence

Has anyone got back in touch with their exes after getting back in shape and/or a dramatic weight loss and new clothes? If so, what were the results?

Doesn't matter because you are doing it for you, or should be anyways... Seriously wanting and needing someone is not going to get them back. Do you, move on, and worry about yourself. When that happens, sometimes that's when they magically come back. I would let go... it's a win win either way. They come back and you're ready to take on the world with or without them... or you find someone better.

Honestly, it's a waste of time to even care what the ex might think. You don't want to impress someone superficially and if the relationship ended then it's already not a good situation.

It truly is great that you are losing weight though. I find weight loss to be a really good thing based on health. If you are healthier and you feel better than all the power to you.

But it should be about health and not ego.

As for trying to impress or shock the ex, nah, save it for the next woman you date.

Wait a minute. Did you say your ex was emotionally abusive? Why would you want to get back with her. Get out there and find a new girl. With your weight loss, it should be a lot easier.

I am just following instructions based on post-divorce books, dating coaches, and other reconciliation experts. They all say to get back in shape with 30-day programs, that it will be good both for moving on and dating, or, in the worse-case scenario, for a potential reconciliation with your ex.

So, I am merely following expert advice, the best found on the Internet. I pushed myself so hard at the gym that none of my clothes fit me anymore (my pants are dropping and I need a new belt), and my arms are hurting with all of this weight-lifting

Congrats on getting more fit and healthy!! That is awesome. Probably the best possible response to a break-up.

I broke up with a guy once who was always a little overweight. The weight had nothing to do with the break-up. We'd been together for years. I started to miss him (he was my security blanket) and agreed to get together to catch up. He'd lost about 15-20 pounds due to lack of appetite and looked great. I will admit his appearance made it even more tempting to get back together. We did get back together but eventually broke up again because the underlying issues were still there!!

Do the exercise for yourself. It's obviously doing wonders for your self-esteem, etc., and your next relationship will match your new level of self-love. Keep looking toward the future that you want and let go of the past.

Best wishes.

Does your current fiancée know all the efforts you're putting forth to try to get back with your ex?

There's a fiancee?? :0 Shame, askdan, now you really shouldn't give a damn what the ex thinks...wow. Don't do that to your current gf, caring what ex will think...that's terrible.

There's a fiancee?? :0 Shame, askdan, now you really shouldn't give a damn what the ex thinks...wow. Don't do that to your current gf, caring what ex will think...that's terrible.

I'm with you Sherry, good gawd! Not to mention, he posted this in the "getting back together" section; OP may I ask what the he** you're thinking?

Please tell us you have broken things off with your "fiancé." PLEASE!

That said, congrats on your weight loss, but for the love of *, move on from your ex!

If you have not broken things off with your fiancé, what you're doing (wanting to get your ex's attention or worse get back together with her) reflects a total lack of integrity IMO.

Jesus is up with people these days -_-...Break up with your fiancee for God sakes.

Did she contact you for your birthday?

I thought you were "declaring independence from your ex?"

Does your fiance know about all of this? Are you seeking professional help. This is really obsessive!

hello askdan,

 

whilst a toned body may be superficialy attractive to a partner, it is the quality of the heart and mind therein, which has to engage on a day-to-day basis. Fitness for romantic purpose might be defined as self-loving, confident, interested and focused.

 

I would suggest that an active enquiring mind (this can be trained) and a generous spirit (you are or you are not) will be the keys to unlocking the door to the right woman for you. Think in the round, and be less exclusively committed to a body beautiful, laudable as this may be!

Very well stated.^^ Congratulations on your hard work and improved confidence! As for your thread, your new appearance may or may not get her attention. IMO, it all depends on how bad the break up was and who did the breaking up.

If SHE left the relationship, there are reasons for that-- and changes to your physical appearance may flatter her, but not enough to want to reconcile with you. A superficial woman may want you back strictly for your new looks. Your ex may genuinely miss you possibly too. But the chances of that are slim because when women really get fed up, we are done. Even if you do reconcile, without addressing the real issues, another breakup is inevitable.

So you’re still trying to get the attention of your ex-wife, but you won’t answer any of the questions here about your current fiancé.

This is one of those times I wish we used real names, so I could track down your poor fiancé.

It's your SOP to post about your ex over and over and ignore questions about your fiancee, or insist your fiancée "supports" your obsession with your ex.

Your fiancée either has no clue or she is suffering from shockingly low self esteem. I vote for the first one, she has no clue.

Why are you pretending to be in love with your fiancée? It's not a very nice thing to do, you know.

He won't answer.

Why would your ex wife see pictures of you?

I can't help but think how she will react if and when she sees new pictures of me

Wait a minute. Did you say your ex was emotionally abusive? Why would you want to get back with her. Get out there and find a new girl. With your weight loss, it should be a lot easier.

Damn right.

We suspect that she suffers from ''Narcissism'' or Cluster-B Personality Disorder.. She has very strong traits of a person who has psychological or mental illness, and this is the opinion if a lot of people (this is her 2nd divorce, her 1st husband threw her out after a month).

^^ is this the same woman you are hoping will notice you and you want back??

My relationship has ended this summer.

Why do you keep seeking validation from someone who is not capable of giving it to you? Literally not capable.

Narcissists only care about themselves OP. She won't give a hoot that you lost weight or anything else you do. She is not capable of caring about you. Get this through your brain and move on for real. What you are doing is like wanting a paraplegic to suddenly jump out of their wheelchair, scream that they are fine now and run off to do rock climbing. What you want from your ex is truly this level of impossible. Can you understand that?

I can't help but think how she will react if and when she sees new pictures of me when I am in top-shape,

 

Has anyone got back in touch with their exes after getting back in shape and/or a dramatic weight loss and new clothes? If so, what were the results?

First, you being curious about her reaction is absolutely normal. You know that when she sees photos or whatever, she will see that you have been working on improving yourself. She will quite likely be curious about you. But curiosity doesn't mean she will want to come back to you. So keep on working on yourself. Once you are in shape, and you are maintaining that, what is your next project? More education? Extra part time job to earn more money to start building up some wealth? Learning to play the guitar or something?

Secondly, yes, I did, but it wasn't the most recent ex, it was one who I had 4 years of NC with.

My relationship has ended this summer.

You were still together on 8/24. You broke up in the past couple of weeks?

I have to say, that is probably a good thing. You are so hung up on your ex wife all you would have gotten is another divorce.

Good job on the weight loss. Now, work on the inside! Pining over someone you insist is a "narcissist" isn't healthy.

Sorry to hear this. What happened?

My relationship has ended this summer.

Sorry to hear this. What happened?

Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to guess wiseman.