Should I keep continue making effort?

My so and I dated around 1 year before going long distance. I moved to another state for my job for about 4 years. Until now, we have date a total of 2 years: 1 local and 1 ldr. We didnt really discussed about ldr before I go since we didin’t know what we wanted at that time. However, we both gave our relationship a chance. Ldr was extremely hard. While I felt okay doing that, he constantly felt lonely and sad. I once suggested he could go out for hook up if he wanted because he has high sex drive. We broke up about 3 months in our ldr. At that point, i have already booked the ticket back to see him, and saw him anyways.

Since that break up, He came to visit me once and I fly back pretty much every month to spend time with him and stay at his place. When we were together, we were like couple, and started the “i love u” during that period. However, we only texted once a week or so when we were further apart. We never talked about our relationship and being exclusive. I dated somebody in the beginning of the break up but stopped shortly after that because I respect him. I dont wanna be back in a official relationship with him again since I am scared that we just gonna break up again.

Recently, I asked him can he fly to visit me once and he said he doesn’t know yet. He said he doesnt wanna make any promises because he doesnt wanna break it. He said he is happy when I am back but cannot promise me anything. If he mets any girl that he likes, he would chose that girl. I told him that he is so selfish but he justified himself saying that I should put myself in his shoes. He spent his whole life being single and another 3 years ldr is kinda too long to him to sacrify.

I really love him and do not know what to do now. He told me he would be with me again or even consider marry me if we could make it through another 3 years. Should I make more effort to see him?

Sorry to hear this. You are right that LDRs are very difficult and frustrating. All the reasons you mention such as estrangement, physical cravings, living in different worlds, etc. are why.

Unfortunately since neither of you want to move, go forward or date exclusively, at this point all it has devolved into is the occasional text and no-strings hookup.

He has also very clearly told you he is dating local girls, prefers them and doesn't want to keep this going..So why not save your time, energy and money, stop flying to him and do what he is doing...date/have sex locally.

1 local and 1 ldr. We broke up about 3 months in our ldr. we only texted once a week.We never talked about our relationship and being exclusive. I dont wanna be back in a official relationship.

I will be able to move back in another 3 years. Thats the reason why i keep fly back to him. I actually want to be exclusive with him but i know he doesnt like ldr and kind of shellfish to sacrifice.

He's not selfish. He chooses to exist in real life. As Wiseman suggests, you should probably follow his example. This relationship wasn't meant to work.

Well look to be honest even if you fly back every month, it's probably still just not enough time together and it's a bit too inconvenient to continue for another three years. I think being LDR your relationship is a bit restricted just in the sense that you can only spend limited amounts of time together and you can't just see each other any time you want. For example, if there is something fun on a certain weekend like a festival or party, you can't go together. Also after being together for two years, some people may even move in together and cuddle in bed together every night etc. I mean maybe doing one year of ldr is OK but you have to admit that four years is a really long time. I think you can't really blame your (ex) boyfriend for wanting to have a partner there with him in person most of the time. I guess also it may be possible that he's not as in love with you as you are with him because he didn't want to move with you and he also doesn't want to wait for you and is looking for other girls. I would say in his mind he's probably already moved on but because you come and visit him, he doesn't mind having the sex and companionship until he finds someone else. I mean he basically told you that himself.

Another 3 years? Give it up. Find a local boy to date. All you've got not is a FWB situation.