Waiting for him to marry me

Hi, so I'm 22 years old and my bf is 27, we are in relationship for 6 years now. I were in high school and he worked at the time we met. It was huge love, we couldn't breath withouth each other. My family was giving us hard time for first 3-4 years of our relationship because they didn't approve him, but all that is behind us. We now are living together for almost 2 years. I wanna get engadged and married but he doesn't wanna talk about that, saying to me that we have time for that but in the same time he wants baby. We both are working, we have apartment witch we are renovating and he thinks that we should renovate first and settle down, also he is saying that he will marry whan time comes. But I feel low and dissapointed waiting for him to ask me for marriage and in my head I think he will marry me whan I'll get pregnant. I don't want to leave him just want to talk with him to see what is his opinion and find solution. Becuse he never talks about that and whan I ask he gets mad and says he feels presure. I think we fall in routine and his emotions are lover than before.

Does any of you have idea how to talk with him, every advice is usefull. Ty

You were 16 and he was 21 when you started dating? Did you run away from home to living with him? He wants you to "have a baby" but refuses to marry you? Are you in a country where it is normal to date guys 5 years older when you are 16? Or run away, have babies hoping he marries you?

Do not get pregnant. Then you will be stuck and he already said he doesn't want to marry you. Is it normal in your country to try to force marriage by getting pregnant?

I'm 22 years old and my bf is 27, we are in relationship for 6 years. We now are living together for almost 2 years. he wants baby. I think he will marry me whan I'll get pregnant. whan I ask he gets mad and says he feels presure.

My first piece of advice is to finish whatever education you need (especially looking at your writing here). Once you have a baby you will have NO time to go after any advance degrees, certifications, internships, etc. I am raising a two week old newborn and my husband is having a very difficult time studying for another medical certification for his job because our baby needs constant attention.

Do not try for a baby until you are married. It will NOT solve or fix relationships. Being pregnant sucks and it’s more challenging if you don’t have a supportive partner. I had complications with my pregnancy and was sick throughout the majority of the time. I was literally vomiting up until 35 weeks and had a very restrictive diet or I’d throw up a meal. And now raising an infant I have been very sleep deprived while dealing with postpartum injuries (have fun feeding a baby every 2-3 HOURS, even throughout the night). Raising an infant and growing one inside you is WORK WORK WORK. Oh, and look up daycare costs... it’s a student loan payment A WEEK.

You are 22 years old and are far too young to be worrying about motherhood or aiding a child for 18+ years. You should be out having fun while you can instead of tying yourself to a man who doesn’t want to commit yet. You will end up resenting him if you don’t. Go on a trip/cruise somewhere with girlfriends. Buy a really nice car to have fun and feel sexy driving it. Go attend adult-only festivals. Do something adventurous that you never dreamed of doing (for me it was studying to be a civilian pilot). Because once you have that baby, you won’t have those opportunities again. At 22 you have ZERO idea on what you are missing out because you just entered adulthood.

Well if your boyfriend wants you guys to have a baby then maybe he does want to settle down with you. Do you know what his general beliefs about marriage are though? There are actually some people that don't particularly care/don't want marriage in the strict sense. Like some people are not into the idea of marriage "on paper" or think it's fine to get married anytime during a relationship, even after having a baby. It doesn't always mean your partner doesn't love you if they don't want to get married but it may just be that your beliefs about marriage are different. However it MAY also mean that your boyfriend isn't that committed to you and while he does say he wants kids, that may be just a general comment? Doesn't mean he wants them now/with you? I mean sorry if I sound harsh but that can be a reality sometimes too where someone is eith someone for many years and say they're not ready to get married but then break up and marry someone else. I think you need to be really sure that your boyfriend is truly invested in you and wants a future with you coz six years is a long time to be together and he should know by now.

What is his reasoning for being ready for a child but not marriage?

Do not make the mistake of assuming he will marry you if you have a baby with him.

You say you want his opinion, but you already have it. He doesn't want to marry you now. Maybe in the future, according to him. What more do you need to know?

Thanks for your answers. By the way I'm from Europe so I might have some mistakes on my question and that doesn't mean I'm not educated like second coment I belive sayd.

You just cleared up my thoughts and now I think marriage can wait and problably I got scared of beeing abandoned. My opinion on marrige is not prison at all, now I'm having great time with my girlfriends, having car, having home, having fun like most of girls my age and I know to handle babys and kids that is my job. Not that I'm just sitting home and waiting him to marry me, I have normal life like most people.

And no we don't live in country where man must marry woman whan she is pregnant. I just said that so you can imagine better what is this problem about and how I feel about waiting him to ask me. Since I was little I loved kids and idea of marrige maybe that is the reason. Every couple has problems and biggest mistake I would do in my life is to leave him.

Wiseman 2 No I didn't run away from home to live with him, he asked me. And yes it was legal cause I was older than 15. I think that is normal and legal in all states of the world. Age gap of 5 years is not to big I would say it's normal. What do you say about 15 years age gap? You don't need to be so harsh with me I'm not stupid or kid anymore. Every human makes his own decitions and I made mine, and watching my life since than I didn't made mistake. And no I don't want to have baby just because people think baby is going to fix problems in relationships. I want baby because I love kids.

What is his reasoning for being ready for a child but not marriage?

 

Do not make the mistake of assuming he will marry you if you have a baby with him.

 

You say you want his opinion, but you already have it. He doesn't want to marry you now. Maybe in the future, according to him. What more do you need to know?

^^ This ^^

By the way I'm from Europe so I might have some mistakes on my question and that doesn't mean I'm not educated like second coment I belive sayd.

Ok, but how would I have known without having that information? There’s a spell checker option to use, but Thank you for clarifying.

My opinion on marrige is not prison at all, now I'm having great time with my girlfriends, having car, having home, having fun like most of girls my age

I didn’t say marriage was a prison, but having children does place restrictions on what activities you can do - and that was suggested before getting married, correct? The problem with having a baby before marriage means your partner is free to walk at any point without any legal repercussions besides paying for child care, leaving you being the sole caregiver. Why should YOU be the one putting yourself in a position of sacrificing your time and body to have/raise a baby when he doesn’t have to commit to anything? He’s not the one doing all the labor and having the medical issues a pregnancy will bring.

Just do a search on this forum group and see how many single mothers who posted about being tricked into a marriage by having a baby and then - SURPRISE - the guy suddenly disappears. That risk is greater than already being married.

I know to handle babys and kids that is my job.

I work with children for a living. As a new mother, it is different when having the full responsible of raising one than just doing it for a job no matter how much you love kids. You biologically change during pregnancy and after childbirth. Also be prepared to say goodbye to personal finances when your full support is on baby.

And yes it was legal cause I was older than 15. I think that is normal and legal in all states of the world. Age gap of 5 years is not to big I would say it's normal.

Wrong. There are certain places in the world that anyone under the age of 18 is considered a child under the eyes of the law. And in my area, a relationship with a child with more than a 4 year age gap is considered statutory rape. When you wrote in your post about your parents originally not approving your relationship, that’s the conclusion some posters would reach. You were vague in that part.

And no I don't want to have baby just because people think baby is going to fix problems in relationships. I want baby because I love kids.

And you need to think of the timing for children is right - and it’s not. You got over 10 years to decide on kids, so there is no need rush on that decision for the time being. What needs to be addressed before having children is a solid relationship. You don’t have that. You expressed to your boyfriend that you want marriage. He gave you an answer, but his solution of having a baby before isn’t acceptable either - and you should know this being in the field of childcare.

So you need to decide if it’s worth waiting around for your boyfriend to say that he’s ready to be a husband before he can be a daddy. You deserve a secure relationship and all the support of raising a baby.

So it's you who wants a baby? He doesn't want to get married, so if you want a baby and he does you can do that without marriage. However living together and/or having babies doesn't inspire or force most men to marry you.

If you enjoy living together and enjoy kids then do that, but he doesn't want to marry. If you have babies he will always have to support them, but without being married he doesn't have to support you, give you money, live with you or help you in any way if he changes his mind about you.

I'm from Europe. it was legal cause I was older than 15. I want baby because I love kids.

It's possible he may be content with living together and delaying or no marriage. Thing is, you already moved in with him without first establishing what the mutual plan would be. And it's easy enough to fall into a routine like an old couple living together even if you are so young. You opted out of the time for yourself to live on your own and date and progress to reasonably the same goals before living together. That's unfortunate in my opinion, because it's tougher to navigate that now from a place where he has what he has wa

If marriage is important to you, maybe you need to decide how long you'd be willing to wait. And if the relationship got too comfy and familiar too early, maybe even consider moving on your own for a time. You could still date, but do so from a place that's true to what you really want.

Are you up for a cheap wedding? Maybe it's just cost that he's worried about. If it was a cheap wedding then maybe he'd say yes now.

Did you post about this once before?

It seems very familiar. . or there is someone else out there with the exact same experience.

Both of us wants a baby. I don't want to trick him to marry me one day just because we have baby. On one side I want to get married but on the other side it's fine to me if that never happen because I want him more than marriage.

He is type of person who is going to give everything he has to me or his family, so I'm not worried about money. I work to so that is not issue.

I was considering small wedding and he would like it too, reason si not money. We both like smaller weddings.

No I haven't posted here before.

Thanks for reply all of you, it helped a lot.

OP, what is his reason for not wanting to marry at this point? You haven't really answered that yet.

You say it's not money. So, what is it?