Dinner “date” with ex

I attended an event that my ex was also at and he asked me whether I would go out for dinner with him next week... I have accepted, out of curiosity.

I had blocked him because I was in a FWB situation with him after sleeping with him after the break up.

Is this dinner “date” his way of trying to sleep with me again or potentially the beginning of reconciliation? He’s booking the restaurant and picking me up, so sort of like a first date?

Just to add, I will not sleep with him after the date because I know how I felt last time.

Well, without talking to him, his motive is impossible to tell. My guess however is that he's going to try and hook up with you again since you were up for it before.

Can I ask why you have not moved on from him yet and why you would accept an ambiguous dinner invitation that now, once again, has him renting space in your brain?

Accepting "out of curiosity" is a good way for him to, also yet again, wield all the power in this cat and mouse game you two have going on.

"After thinking about things for a few days I realise how little I meant to him as he could suggest this to me. It’s made me a bit angry which is all part of the healing process I guess!

I’ve unfollowed him on social media but haven’t blocked and I’m not making contact. When I do get a text my replies (when I do reply) are very short and indifferent.

His contact with me is all about him too - not once has he asked how I am or how my day was etc. Says it all." What happened with all of this?

Isn't he the same creep that treated you poorly and still lives mommy and daddy, who dictate his life? Why do YOU continue to do this to yourself?

Well, without talking to him, his motive is impossible to tell. My guess however is that he's going to try and hook up with you again since you were up for it before.

 

Can I ask why you have not moved on from him yet and why you would accept an ambiguous dinner invitation that now, once again, has him renting space in your brain?

 

Accepting "out of curiosity" is a good way for him to, also yet again weld all the power in this cat and mouse game you two have going on.

I can't understand this. At all.

OP, where is your self respect?

Honestly I’m struggling to move on from him. I was doing ok until I saw him.

I do have self respect, I won’t sleep with him again but I’m curious as he has arranged a dinner date whereas before it was a booty call. I don’t see the harm in having dinner with him and I stay strong about not sleeping with him until I know his intentions?

You should not be meeting with someone who treated you badly. You are lacking self respect, or you would be done with him, not setting up dates. This is not about sex.

I can't understand why you would want anything to do with this loser/manchild. Did you pay for your dates? Does he have a job? What is the age difference?

Are you meeting him in public using your own transportation? Either way by not sleeping with him, you'll soon be able to determine what his intentions are.

Not to sound negative, but I don't think this will lead to anything as in what you're hoping for.

He’s picking me up and taking us to the restaurant. It probably is just about trying to hook up again but I won’t know his intentions if I don’t go

You should not be meeting with someone who treated you badly. You are lacking self respect, or you would be done with him, not setting up dates. This is not about sex.

 

I can't understand why you would want anything to do with this loser/manchild. Did you pay for your dates? Does he have a job? What is the age difference?

He’s always paid for dates and has a great career. There is an age difference with me being older but that’s never really been an issue except for the parent thing.

He’s picking me up and taking us to the restaurant. It probably is just about trying to hook up again but I won’t know his intentions if I don’t go

Didn't he tell you that he didn't have feelings anymore? Do his parents know that you are going out? Why does he live with his parents? What is the age difference?

He’s picking me up and taking us to the restaurant. It probably is just about trying to hook up again but I won’t know his intentions if I don’t go

Asking is sometimes helpful

Asking is sometimes helpful

Yeah. Since you are determined to go, why aren't you driving?

Didn't he tell you that he didn't have feelings anymore? Do his parents know that you are going out? Why does he live with his parents? What is the age difference?

Yes he did tell me that but when talking to me at the event said that there’s still something there. Sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants.

He doesn’t live with his parents, he has his own place but they did help him buy it. Age difference is 8 years

Asking is sometimes helpful

Very true!

Yes he did tell me that but when talking to me at the event said that there’s still something there. Sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants.

He doesn’t live with his parents, he has his own place but they did help him buy it. Age difference is 8 years

I thought that he has a fantastic career? You also mentioned that they will cut him off financially if he continued with you. I don't understand this, if he has his own income?

Bottom line, he did not value you enough to stand up to his parents, then used you for sex after the break. If that is partner material for you, then so be it - this is what I was talking about when I mentioned self respect.

Why don't you ask him now, what his intentions are?

I thought that he has a fantastic career? You also mentioned that they will cut him off financially if he continued with you. I don't understand this, if he has his own income?

No they threatened to pull out of the house purchase and only helped if their conditions were met.

I’m not sure I would get a straight answer if I asked him his intentions anyway!

No they threatened to pull out of the house purchase and only helped if their conditions were met.

 

I’m not sure I would get a straight answer if I asked him his intentions anyway!

Why did he not buy his own home.

So, you are meeting up with someone who hurt and disrespected you, and you do not believe he will tell you the truth. I don't understand your thinking?

Why did he not buy his own home.

 

So, you are meeting up with someone who hurt and disrespected you, and you do not believe he will tell you the truth. I don't understand your thinking?

He finds it difficult to open up so based on that he may not tell me.

I don’t understand my thinking either if I’m completely honest but something is telling me to go

I give up.

I hope you get to a point - very soon- where you start to love and respect yourself. You should be able to recognize that this guy does not care for you through his actions. He has shown you this time and again. I guess you will have to continue to learn the hard way.

It's easy for us to be rational about it but I think the OP is a bit like me in that she needs things to go really south before she can comfortably walk away. I used to forgive all my exes, made excuses until the cows came home. It was almost like I had to push it until it was glaringly obvious that the situation was doomed. And then it was much easier to move on from there. So yeah, I can understand wanting to go for dinner as you're not over him. I hope you get an answer either way!

He’s picking me up and taking us to the restaurant. It probably is just about trying to hook up again but I won’t know his intentions if I don’t go

Since you feel that he's trying for a hookup, why are you allowing him to pick you up to go to dinner?

Since you feel that he's trying for a hookup, why are you allowing him to pick you up to go to dinner?

I was wondering the same thing.

No they threatened to pull out of the house purchase and only helped if their conditions were met.

 

I’m not sure I would get a straight answer if I asked him his intentions anyway!

You are not helping yourself to move on from him if you keep seeing him and hoping for whatever it is you think you want with him. A person with good personal boundaries and self respect would NOT meet a man for dinner that has dumped her and booty called her unless she knew his intentions BEFORE accepting. You want more with him then casual however You just fell into his invite like you were desperate and without options or boundaries. Why?

I decided to break NC and text him because I feel like I need a final conversation following the break up as I haven’t had an opportunity to speak about how I feel etc.

 

He has agreed to meet in a few days and misses talking to me, but clearly stated as friends. I informed him that I would have to think about that.

 

I’m not healed so is being friends a good idea? I know he needs help and support but I’m not sure whether I should. He broke up with me because he can’t be in a relationship - he’s going through therapy to sort his issues and wants to be alone to do so.

 

Thoughts?

Yes I did meet up with him, almost two weeks ago now. I didn’t get any answers but he didn’t know himself. I feel fine about meeting him but I’m still on a bit of a rollercoaster with my emotions. It’s crazy!! One day I’m perfectly fine, then I could be angry and then sad.

Good lord, how many times are you going to meet up with this man? Whats there to discuss at this point?

Not trying to be an a**hole, but to all the people who told her it was a good idea to date, do you wanna date someone who meets up with her ex on a bi weekly basis?

Remember? You slept with him (twice!) after the breakup and then what? You felt awful. You said you realized you were not important to him.

So what changed?

I don't understand.

And I don't buy the "I'm just curious!!" excuse.

Do you still have "hope"??