Am I pushing him too much?

I'm 33 and he's 34. We have been seeing each other for a month. I live in the city, and he's in the country area where there is a walmart and gas station. He's been unemployed for 4 months. .. he was living in the city and had an apartment before He lost his job and his apartment. I'm dealing with depression / anxiety and take meds for it. He was on the meds too but decided he didn't want to take it anymore he says the drs and medication companies just want to make money off us. He also says he's smarter than the drs. He says he can't sleep and also has issues in bed. We have had 2 arguments about me wanting him to find a job in the country.... he yelled there is nothing out here but his family works at the grocery store. And he would like me to get off his back.

Doesn't seem like there is much there for ya.

Is he actively seeking employment?

If so, and he’s doing the best he can, having someone constantly remind him of his unemployment or telling him what to do when he’s already doing what he can will stress him out even more.

In terms of the meds, how’s he doing without them? Do you think him not taking them is affecting his ability to look for a job?

If he is shutting out potential to be a better him, then you already have your answer what you need to do... move on.

This guy is a very poor choice. It has only been a month.

End it.

After only a month, and all of these problems?

This guy is not boyfriend material whatsoever. Where are your standards, girl?

I would just tell him that once he starts taking his medication and is actively looking for a job you can try and work things out.

Sounds like he needs to look in other cities if the only opportunities there are the local gas station and a Walmart.

Wait. This is 4 weeks of dating? It's very clear you are very incompatible. Just tell him it's not a match and move forward to someone who wants what you want and is more compatible. Why bother arguing about any of this with someone you've dated for 4 weeks? Yes, get off his back and just end it.

He's been unemployed for 4 months.

 

He also says he's smarter than the drs. He says he can't sleep and also has issues in bed.

 

We have had 2 arguments about me wanting him to find a job he would like me to get off his back.

Am I pushing him too much?

Yes. Do you want to be a girlfriend or play social worker?

He's not looking for employment. He's super depressed without the meds. He needs help but refuses

He's not looking for employment. He's super depressed without the meds. He needs help but refuses

I’d have a hard time dating someone who wasn’t helping himself.

I realize we all need help and support every now and then, but he isn’t helping himself and is dragging you into it. It’s one thing to be there for him as (maybe) a friend or someone to talk to/turn to if he needs it, but I’m not sure how how you can date him in the condition that he’s in right now.

Hate to say this because he’s clearly in need of help and support, but he is no condition to be in a relationship right now.

He's not looking for employment. He's super depressed without the meds. He needs help but refuses

Other than that, he sounds like the perfect date!

So hes been unemployed for 4 months and youve dated him for 1 meaning he was unemployed when you met...

And you thought he was boyfriend material why?

What a loser. Why are u dating him? Your standards are underground.

You've been dating 4 Weeks! He's not your project and you are not his mother, employment recruiter or psychiatrist. Why are you insistent on domineering, controlling and trying to fix and change some poor dude you been on a few dates with?

He's not looking for employment. He's super depressed without the meds. He needs help but refuses

What a loser. Why are u dating him? Your standards are underground.

Calling him a loser is harsh. We don’t know his story.

Calling him a loser is harsh. We don’t know his story.

We may not know his story, but to date while unemployed shows not only where your priorities lie, but shows your lack of concern for others. Sounds like this dudes hunting down a sucker to suffer as his codependent.

In my eyes, thats a loser.

Unfortunately it also says a lot of the OPer and that maybe she is seeking to be in a codependent relationship. Broken seeks broken.

To look at an unemployed depressed man and think, I want to be in a relationship with this guy, screams dysfunction. Might be harsh, but reality isnt always rose colored. Far too many people date for the wrong reasons. I dont see a right reason from either party.

We may not know his story, but to date while unemployed shows not only where your priorities lie, but shows your lack of concern for others. Sounds like this dudes hunting down a sucker to suffer as his codependent.

 

In my eyes, thats a loser.

 

Unfortunately it also says a lot of the OPer and that maybe she is seeking to be in a codependent relationship. Broken seeks broken.

 

To look at an unemployed depressed man and think, I want to be in a relationship with this guy, screams dysfunction. Might be harsh, but reality isnt always rose colored. Far too many people date for the wrong reasons. I dont see a right reason from either party.

I couldn't disagree more. Not to hijack the OP's thread, but, I moved to a new city a couple of years ago for a new job, a contract position. My job at the time was so stressful that my health was suffering. When I was offered the contract job, I was advised that I would most likely be hired on full time.

So, I took a chance, moved to this city for a better life all around. Then, last fall, there was a huge lay off at our company. Although I was kept on at the time, they couldn't extend my contract or offer full time employment. The company was being sold. They had to let me go. Did this stop me from dating? No. Was I going to put my life on hold while I actively sought out other employment? No.

I have an advanced degree and got myself a good education to get to where I am.

Do I consider myself a loser because I continued to date when looking for a job that wouldn't kill me? Not in any way shape or form.

Clearly you and I have different definitions of what a loser is, so we can agree to disagree.

Like I said, harsh. Very harsh.

I couldn't disagree more. Not to hijack the OP's thread, but, I moved to a new city a couple of years ago for a new job, a contract position. My job at the time was so stressful that my health was suffering. When I was offered the contract job, I was advised that I would most likely be hired on full time.

 

So, I took a chance, moved to this city for a better life all around. Then, last fall, there was a huge lay off at our company. Although I was kept on at the time, they couldn't extend my contract or offer full time employment. The company was being sold. They had to let me go. Did this stop me from dating? No. Was I going to put my life on hold while I actively sought out other employment? No.

 

I have an advanced degree and got myself a good education to get to where I am.

 

Do I consider myself a loser because I continued to date when looking for a job that wouldn't kill me? Not in any way shape or form.

 

Clearly you and I have different definitions of what a loser is, so we can agree to disagree.

 

Like I said, harsh. Very harsh.

So you're personalizing this even though the two situations are night and day.

This man isn't moving to a new city and taking a chance. He's been unemployed for 4 months and isn't even looking for a job, he's depressed but stopped all medication, he is in crisis mode and decided to start dating.

Again the degree that you're personalizing this is uncanny, it's not the same, I remember your post about the subject very well.

So you're personalizing this even though the two situations are night and day.This man isn't moving to a new city and taking a chance. He's been unemployed for 4 months and isn't even looking for a job, he's depressed but stopped all medication, he is in crisis mode and decided to start dating. Again the degree that you're personalizing this is uncanny, it's not the same, I remember your post about the subject very well.

Figureitout, the way you have explained yourself here^, is very different from what you posted, here>"We may not know his story, but to date while unemployed shows not only where your priorities lie, but shows your lack of concern for others. Sounds like this dudes hunting down a sucker to suffer as his codependent. In my eyes, thats a loser.

Unfortunately it also says a lot of the OPer and that maybe she is seeking to be in a codependent relationship. Broken seeks broken. To look at an unemployed depressed man and think, I want to be in a relationship with this guy, screams dysfunction. Might be harsh, but reality isnt always rose colored. Far too many people date for the wrong reasons. I dont see a right reason from either party"

Either way, like I said, I don't want to hijack the OP's post, but calling this guy a loser I do think is harsh. We don't know his story. Poor guy has mental health issues and is unemployed. Might not be in the best place to be dating and in a relationship, but calling him a loser? A bit much. And usually with people like this it’s their mental health that’s preventing them from getting the proper care they need. I think that’s the case here. He thinks not taking the meds is the better option. Clearly not the case. This guy needs a lot of help. But a loser? No. Just someone in need of a lot of help.

OP, I hope you figure this out and realize that dating this guy isn't in your best interest right now, or his. Good luck!

Being unemployed isn't a huge deal, it's the fact he's whinging and not even TRYING to find one.

The laziness is what I find a turn off.

So you're personalizing this even though the two situations are night and day.

 

This man isn't moving to a new city and taking a chance. He's been unemployed for 4 months and isn't even looking for a job, he's depressed but stopped all medication, he is in crisis mode and decided to start dating.

 

Again the degree that you're personalizing this is uncanny, it's not the same, I remember your post about the subject very well.

I agree. I have friends that go through periods of being jobless, I have too. But most of them make effort to get back out there. Doing nothing and refusing to take medication whilst having mental issues is not a good way to go.