Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 22

Thread: Am I pushing him too much?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    1,991
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by PeachesEaches
    He's not looking for employment. He's super depressed without the meds. He needs help but refuses
    Iíd have a hard time dating someone who wasnít helping himself.

    I realize we all need help and support every now and then, but he isnít helping himself and is dragging you into it. Itís one thing to be there for him as (maybe) a friend or someone to talk to/turn to if he needs it, but Iím not sure how how you can date him in the condition that heís in right now.

    Hate to say this because heís clearly in need of help and support, but he is no condition to be in a relationship right now.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21,851
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by PeachesEaches
    He's not looking for employment. He's super depressed without the meds. He needs help but refuses
    Other than that, he sounds like the perfect date!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,116
    So hes been unemployed for 4 months and youve dated him for 1 meaning he was unemployed when you met...

    And you thought he was boyfriend material why?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Age
    28
    Posts
    1,616
    Gender
    Female
    What a loser. Why are u dating him? Your standards are underground.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,966
    Gender
    Male
    You've been dating 4 Weeks! He's not your project and you are not his mother, employment recruiter or psychiatrist. Why are you insistent on domineering, controlling and trying to fix and change some poor dude you been on a few dates with?
    Originally Posted by PeachesEaches
    He's not looking for employment. He's super depressed without the meds. He needs help but refuses

  7. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    1,991
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    What a loser. Why are u dating him? Your standards are underground.
    Calling him a loser is harsh. We donít know his story.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,116
    Originally Posted by milly007
    Calling him a loser is harsh. We donít know his story.
    We may not know his story, but to date while unemployed shows not only where your priorities lie, but shows your lack of concern for others. Sounds like this dudes hunting down a sucker to suffer as his codependent.

    In my eyes, thats a loser.

    Unfortunately it also says a lot of the OPer and that maybe she is seeking to be in a codependent relationship. Broken seeks broken.

    To look at an unemployed depressed man and think, I want to be in a relationship with this guy, screams dysfunction. Might be harsh, but reality isnt always rose colored. Far too many people date for the wrong reasons. I dont see a right reason from either party.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    1,991
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    We may not know his story, but to date while unemployed shows not only where your priorities lie, but shows your lack of concern for others. Sounds like this dudes hunting down a sucker to suffer as his codependent.

    In my eyes, thats a loser.

    Unfortunately it also says a lot of the OPer and that maybe she is seeking to be in a codependent relationship. Broken seeks broken.

    To look at an unemployed depressed man and think, I want to be in a relationship with this guy, screams dysfunction. Might be harsh, but reality isnt always rose colored. Far too many people date for the wrong reasons. I dont see a right reason from either party.
    I couldn't disagree more. Not to hijack the OP's thread, but, I moved to a new city a couple of years ago for a new job, a contract position. My job at the time was so stressful that my health was suffering. When I was offered the contract job, I was advised that I would most likely be hired on full time.

    So, I took a chance, moved to this city for a better life all around. Then, last fall, there was a huge lay off at our company. Although I was kept on at the time, they couldn't extend my contract or offer full time employment. The company was being sold. They had to let me go. Did this stop me from dating? No. Was I going to put my life on hold while I actively sought out other employment? No.

    I have an advanced degree and got myself a good education to get to where I am.

    Do I consider myself a loser because I continued to date when looking for a job that wouldn't kill me? Not in any way shape or form.

    Clearly you and I have different definitions of what a loser is, so we can agree to disagree.

    Like I said, harsh. Very harsh.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,116
    Originally Posted by milly007
    I couldn't disagree more. Not to hijack the OP's thread, but, I moved to a new city a couple of years ago for a new job, a contract position. My job at the time was so stressful that my health was suffering. When I was offered the contract job, I was advised that I would most likely be hired on full time.

    So, I took a chance, moved to this city for a better life all around. Then, last fall, there was a huge lay off at our company. Although I was kept on at the time, they couldn't extend my contract or offer full time employment. The company was being sold. They had to let me go. Did this stop me from dating? No. Was I going to put my life on hold while I actively sought out other employment? No.

    I have an advanced degree and got myself a good education to get to where I am.

    Do I consider myself a loser because I continued to date when looking for a job that wouldn't kill me? Not in any way shape or form.

    Clearly you and I have different definitions of what a loser is, so we can agree to disagree.

    Like I said, harsh. Very harsh.
    So you're personalizing this even though the two situations are night and day.

    This man isn't moving to a new city and taking a chance. He's been unemployed for 4 months and isn't even looking for a job, he's depressed but stopped all medication, he is in crisis mode and decided to start dating.

    Again the degree that you're personalizing this is uncanny, it's not the same, I remember your post about the subject very well.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    1,991
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    So you're personalizing this even though the two situations are night and day.This man isn't moving to a new city and taking a chance. He's been unemployed for 4 months and isn't even looking for a job, he's depressed but stopped all medication, he is in crisis mode and decided to start dating. Again the degree that you're personalizing this is uncanny, it's not the same, I remember your post about the subject very well.
    Figureitout, the way you have explained yourself here^, is very different from what you posted, here>"We may not know his story, but to date while unemployed shows not only where your priorities lie, but shows your lack of concern for others. Sounds like this dudes hunting down a sucker to suffer as his codependent. In my eyes, thats a loser.
    Unfortunately it also says a lot of the OPer and that maybe she is seeking to be in a codependent relationship. Broken seeks broken. To look at an unemployed depressed man and think, I want to be in a relationship with this guy, screams dysfunction. Might be harsh, but reality isnt always rose colored. Far too many people date for the wrong reasons. I dont see a right reason from either party"


    Either way, like I said, I don't want to hijack the OP's post, but calling this guy a loser I do think is harsh. We don't know his story. Poor guy has mental health issues and is unemployed. Might not be in the best place to be dating and in a relationship, but calling him a loser? A bit much. And usually with people like this itís their mental health thatís preventing them from getting the proper care they need. I think thatís the case here. He thinks not taking the meds is the better option. Clearly not the case. This guy needs a lot of help. But a loser? No. Just someone in need of a lot of help.

    OP, I hope you figure this out and realize that dating this guy isn't in your best interest right now, or his. Good luck!
    Last edited by milly007; 09-03-2018 at 05:16 PM.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •